Ambivalent

[Sparrowhawk]

Sorry its a long post! If you want to read then go ahead...

 

Broke up with my ex 2 months ago. I'm coping well, and have turned my life around since and have managed to accomplish much more than when i was with her. Just need to sort of put things in writing so any comments would be appreciated .

 

We were together almost 2 years. For the best part of that it was a solid relationship, we both meant the world to each other. No arguments or problems. She is the quiet type which is fine by me, as i like to talk and over the time we knew each other i was able to get her to open up to me and we share a close connection as a result. Problem is she was never one to talk when something was on her mind.

 

I put alot into this relationship, and due to her reluctance to talk and generally make decisions about things a big factor in the relationship's success came from the effort i put in. I do not resent this at all and it does not bother me. As it happens over the summer i became depressed. My exams were hard on me and both of us were dealing with the prospect of life after school. (uni/gap year) In this time, bless her, she did try to talk to me about things, but because i had to prompt things out of her when i could tell something was up i never really got a clear picture of what was wrong. I did my best to change a few things but the reality is that she wasn't there for me when i really needed her and in the end she told me that although she loved me, she just wasn't happy. I'm not blind and could see the relationship had to end if we were ever to move forward.

 

It comes down to the fact that for a few months we had some major communication issues. What with my depression and her reluctance to open up. Leading to a break up.

 

Neither of us particularly wanted to break up and as such saw a lot of each other in the month before she went to uni. Amazingly we managed to recapture the closeness we once had. Somehow by individually sorting out our lives we became the partners we wanted each other to be. Thing is she was stuck with the fact that it wouldn't work because of uni.

 

She even told me 'im slightly annoyed because what we have now is everything i wanted but it seems like its too late'

 

I guess it's a case of it took alot for her to close her self off from the relationship and i guess shes not strong enough to take the risk of opening her heart again.

 

Anyway off she went to uni. We've kept in contact although i stopped contacting her so i could be sure when she really wanted to speak to me.

 

Its been 3 weeks and i've got on with life. Im not really scared of being without her but don't get me wrong i'd love for her to have the confidence to give it another chance.

 

She's coming back this weekend and we're upholding longstanding plans to go see saw 5 when it is released this friday and going to a friends party. Both events will be very nostalgic for us and im not looking to get back together, rather just enjoy the weekend.

 

Next weekend i will be going to see her at uni because i dont want to break the promise i made to go see her (once upon a time she doubted this so i have a point to prove).I feel that coming back this weekend should clarify for her if she misses me. And next weekend should clarify for her whether it is something she would wish to continue. I should have mentioned that ever since we broke up she has been saying 'i don't know how i feel.' I'm presuming after the time apart she should know.

 

Point is, that if she doesn't have the courage to make it work (or if since shes been gone she's lost all feelings for me) then i'd rather not be friends with her. I just can't see her any other way than as a girlfriend. I am preparing myself for a final goodbye to get some closure from the whole experience.

 

The question is this - my main cause of upset when we broke up was simply that she didn't have faith in me to be the person i once was. She just gave up on me when i was depressed. However i understand with the communication between us the way it was i can see how she was driven to giving up on me. Since then, as i knew i could, i have fixed most things in my life and am happy again. Now i feel just about ready to give up on her, seeing as no matter how much i tried to be there for her she kept saying she just couldnt do it again. I appreciate this now because at the time we hadn't had any space from each other. Now we've had the space i want to move on. It's a great pity because she knows as well as i do that we have something special between us. Even in breaking up there wasn't any anger toward each other, i just supported her through it. But i don't know if i want to give up on her or not, because that would be doing exactly what she did to me. And in my eyes if you love someone you shouldnt give up on them. I guess i have a point to prove. It's made harder to decide by the fact that she seemingly feels strong as ever about me, but is too scared to embrace how she feels. She is very insecure and doesnt feel worthy of love so i feel to give up on her would be to do her a disservice.

 

I guess she's taking me for a fool in the sense that she's unconciously taking for granted the unconditional love and support that i still offer her since we broke up. I guess she gets the good stuff without the commitment. I'd like to think she's not doing this on purpose and it seems that im still as important to her life just with the commitment removed. Now as i've said i don't want to put up with this and am prepared to just simply cut her out of my life and not be friends. But does anyone have any tips on how to get through to someone psychologically in this scenario? Like perhaps to identify to her that she is shielding herself from her true feelings as indicated by how very close she's kept me since breaking up? I duno, hopefully you get my jist... Any comments about anything i've wrote at all would be appreciated. Just felt good to write it all out really.

 

Please avoid comments of 'just let her go' - for the reason that thats just about where im at. I'd just like some perspectives on the situation as a whole before i finally let go.

 

Cheers!

[Geishawhelk]

Well, you posted this yesterday, and this is the first written response you've received....although it's had nealy 40 hits.

 

That's very unusual round these here parts...

 

I would guess the reason is that you've pretty much sorted everything in your mind, you know where it's at, and there's nothing anyone can add, apart from what you rightly point out we would say, in your final paragraph/sentence.

let her go.

 

Good luck.

Enjoy the film.