Did I overreact? I said "I'm not just staying tonight for just sex"

[lynnedays]

I think i might have over reacted, what's worse I think I'm being extreamly immature about it. (LONG)

 

I went over my boyfriends house last night to visit with him. When I got to his place I text messaged his phone that I was there, so he could open the garage door for me. Well he hit the garage door and it opened and he didn't say hi, or wait for me to come in, just opened the garage door and went back in the house. Well, I guess i'm being a little over sensitive here, but anytime he comes over I always have a big smile and wait for him as he walks up. Anyway, i guess I felt a bit---"well i'm happy to see you too" sarcasm in my head. This has happened before, I dont' say anything of course, I get over it, I just always feel a bit slighted when it happens.

 

Well then I go inside and find him sitting on th couch with his brother watching tv. I say hi to both of them and put my stuff down and sat on the bed to watch tv because there was no more room on the couch. Two hours pass, he's chatting with his bro occassionally and flipping channels. He got up twice and gave me a peck on the forehead on his way. Then would come back and sit back on the couch and continue watching tv with his brother.

 

I guess the whole thing made me feel like the odd person out. Please dont' misunderstand..I think it's great hsi brother came over, its' just that I feel like when he comes over to visit me, and my friends are there, he expects me to stop and turn all my attention to him. I think he would feel like "why did I even come over" if I just continued to chill wiht my friends on the couch rarely saying anything to him as he sat over in a corner. At least that's always what *I* think he will feel so I always turn my attention to him.

 

Well after two hours i guess I was a bit hurt, I mean he didn't even come sit with me on the bed or anything, didn't say more then 4 words to me, and I decided I was just going to leave at 11. There was no point in spending the night. Truthfully I think in my head I was going "it's like i'm his pet...he plays with me and pays attention to me if nobody else is around. He'll come over here to sit with me as soon as his brother leaves and then we'll have sex and go to sleep". Well, anyway, his brother finally says he has to go, leaves, then guess who comes over and tries to snuggle with me---as if I hadn't just speant the last 2 hours in his room with him being virtually ignored. So I told him I was leaving at 11, got the "why you leaving at 11 I thought you were staying the whole night, I didn't realize you were only coming for a few hours"...

 

I said yup i had only been coming to stay for a few hours, I had to take the car back

 

He said he would follow me back and take me home in the morning.

 

Feeling ignored and like i'm turning into a booty call ...said no thanks. He asked why I wanted to leave so bad, I said I needed to bring the car home, he said he had just told me the plan--he would take me home in the morning, and I said "I'm not just staying tonight for just sex" and he said "Its not just for sex I want to spend some time with you" and I said "ugh huh. I"m going to take the car home. I left my phone inside can you get it", he said no, i said fine, he said whatever, and i left.

 

Alas, here I am tonight. Haven't talked to him all day since that. Cant call him, he can't call me (has my cell phone) unless he wanted to call my house to get ahold of me. I could sign online and chat--- I know he's on, and the fact I'm not on is unusual and he knows if i wanted to talk to him I would be online.

 

Wandering if I should sign on or not.

 

Any opinions?

 

Just to give a tiny bit more understanding. A couple weeks ago I was taking care of my grandmother and was unable to drive over to him and visit like I normally do. My grandmother couldn't be left for long periods of time and I needed to spend the nights here with her. He didnt' come visit me ONCE that whole week (I live 15 minutes away from him). Not even to just spend a couple hours watching a movie with me or anything. And I'm not stupid, he didn't come over to visit at all because he couldnt' spend the night. At least that's my assumption. I've been with him for 2 years, but the truth is I still feel like I get used for sex--cause if he really loved me wouldn't he have wanted to just come visit even if sex wasn't an option? Anyway, I guess it irks me that he couldnt' come visit me even once that week when I normally drive over there every night. It was just that one week I couldn't come to him--and he didn't come to me even once. It's still eating at me I guess which is why I was partically suspicious and made the "I'm not staying just for sex " comment to him last night.

 

Anyway, this is a two year relationship--- any comments? I dont' know if I'm acting nutty or I need to just calm down and realize i will be put on the back-burner when friends are over... help?

[Curt]

Lynnedays,

 

After reading your post, one question bobs up and down in my mind. Please don't take this the wrong way, but...did you talk to him about how you felt when he did not come over a couple weeks ago?

 

I am also curious...is he on the shy side? Perhaps he wouldn't have come over to your grandmother's place because he felt uncomfortable. It's not a great excuse, but realize that some ppl are just really really shy in that kind of situation.

 

Also, has he had this "not pay attention when friends are over" attitude in the past as well? In other words, is this recent incident something out of the ordinary for him?

 

In any event, you both really need a heart-to-heart on these types of issues. If you both can talk together calmly, without the fear of one person or the other feeling attacked, it may clear a lot of the air around you both.

 

I fear also that sometimes guys just plain get lazy about the women they love after a couple of years. Meanwhile, the women they care for feel taken for granted. I'm not saying that that's what necessarily has happened in this case, but if this is typical behavior for him, you guys need to discuss it straight away, or suffer the consequences down the road.

 

Don't know if this helps.

 

Peace.

 

Curt

[lynnedays]

No, I did not tell him that I was upset about him not coming to visit me.

 

A couple times during that week I light heartedly commented "are you ever going to come visit me if I dont' come to you" and to tell you the truth I dont' remember what he said---was just a "of coruse" kind of answer. A couple times I hinted that I would love for him to come visit or something but he just didn't. He did come the night I took my grandmother home. Surprised me at 11pm when I told him, no, I wasn't going to come over to his place cause i had already driven that day for hours (to her house). He showed up late that night, we had sex, and then he went home. Granted he did feel bad about coming and then leaving and he stayed with me until I fell asleep that night---I guess because he knew how bad it seemed. That whole week and night was just a lousy week and I haven't forgotten about it I guess. The saying "actions speak louder then words" rings through my head and I get hurt about him not coming over tha tweek everytime I think about it. Out of two years though-- it's probably very insignificant to his character.

 

As for it being related to him being shy... I don't know. I doubt it... I think it just more had to do with laziness. He didn't want to drive over here after work then have to drive back hom ei guess later that night. But once during the week would have just been nice.

 

Normally he is a really great guy-- caring, affectionate, etc. But I have noticed that when a friend is around he really does put me on the back burner. He talks more to whoever else is around, sits by them, etc. Part of me says "guys are guys.. and they act different around other guys" but the other part of me says "you could at least give me the courtesy you give to your other friends when I come visit". Just give me the same courtesy. If your freind drove over you wouldn't go play a game on yoru comptuer leaving them to watch tv... etc.

 

Maybe it is just laziness, maybe I'm being over sensitive... but I haven't talked to him all today or tonight either. I'm not planning on signing online either. Guess we'll see what happens. Your right though, I probably should have talked to him about it--but its' not like he can do anything about it now-- and I'm hurt by it either way.