Cherbear Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Whenever I offer to do something nice for him, instead of thanking me for it he'd always sigh and say "you are such a good girl and i don't deserve you". Whenever I give him a compliment and say how special he is to me, he'd always say "I'm nothing special." This bothers me a lot. I mean, do boyfriends do that a lot? Constantly saying "I don't deserve you." I feel like it's his way of him feeling guilty b/c he simply doesn't love me enough or can't love me back the way I love him. It gets so frustrating when I tell him I love him and he says he's nothing special. He does say he loves me too but I'm sure if he means that. Is this the time for me to back off a bit? Link to post Share on other sites
Cub Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Sounds like he's dealing with some confidence issues. If you back off, he'll probably come rushing after you with apologies and gifts, but nothing would be resloved; you would do better to just ask him about it. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 He's got some serious insecurity issues. Backing off will probably make it worse. Don't internalize it either. If he says he loves you believe that. When he says he doesn't deserve you try to point out that he does. But don't think him saying that has anything to do with you or his love for you. It doesn't. He's just telling you what's on his mind. Because that's what he thinks of himself. Link to post Share on other sites
jadedone Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Or maybe he's just being modest and complimentary to you at the same time. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Whenever I offer to do something nice for him, instead of thanking me for it he'd always sigh and say "you are such a good girl and i don't deserve you". Whenever I give him a compliment and say how special he is to me, he'd always say "I'm nothing special." This bothers me a lot. I mean, do boyfriends do that a lot? Constantly saying "I don't deserve you." I feel like it's his way of him feeling guilty b/c he simply doesn't love me enough or can't love me back the way I love him. It gets so frustrating when I tell him I love him and he says he's nothing special. He does say he loves me too but I'm sure if he means that. Is this the time for me to back off a bit? There is being humble and then there's his behavior which is downright insecure. If he says he doesn't deserve you, he thinks he's paying you a compliment but as you can see, his attitude is downright terrible. If someone I was dating were to say "I don't deserve you" it would be a turn off to the point where I'd start believing them. Not because I believe I am better than they are, but simply because they don't love and respect themselves. If they don't believe they are worthy, how can they expect anyone else to believe it? Sad. Link to post Share on other sites
Meet 4 Coffee Posted October 26, 2008 Share Posted October 26, 2008 This bothers me a lot. I mean, do boyfriends do that a lot? Constantly saying "I don't deserve you." I feel like it's his way of him feeling guilty b/c he simply doesn't love me enough or can't love me back the way I love him. I disagree with the others. I don't think he is insecure. I think it is more the way you are taking it is what he is telling you. Your instinct is almost always right. the "I don't deserve you" is his condescending way of letting you know he doesn't feel for you as much as you feel for him, therefore he doesn't deserve you and the lovely way you treat him (as a woman very much in love) when he is a man who is not very much in love with you. So he feels guilty that you are giving a lot of yourself, and he can't give that much of himself, and he doesn't deserve your devotion. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted October 26, 2008 Share Posted October 26, 2008 This bothers me a lot. I mean, do boyfriends do that a lot? Constantly saying "I don't deserve you." I feel like it's his way of him feeling guilty b/c he simply doesn't love me enough or can't love me back the way I love him. You have good reason that it bothers you. I don't think I've ever directly used that exact line with a girl before. But when I was younger I recall using a similar line once (putting myself down or saying it to condescend myself) with a girl simply because I wasn't that into her and wanted out of the relationship (hoping she would dump me rather than the other way). The more she said how much she liked me etc, the more guilty I felt and the more I wound up saying it. I don't know what your guy is saying, so just take my advice lightly. Maybe you should sit down and have a real talk with him. Link to post Share on other sites
btc8 Posted October 26, 2008 Share Posted October 26, 2008 What is his tone when he says those things? I mean, does he sound playful when he says it, or is he downright serious? I get the impression that it's the latter, or else it wouldn't bother you. To add to the crowd, it sounds like he has insecurity issues, which is something that you yourself cannot repair--perhaps he should see someone for this? What you could also try to do to boost his confidence and start realizing his worth, is to start commenting on certain attributes of his that you find yourself depending on or those actions he does for you that help you to appreciate him. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 26, 2008 Share Posted October 26, 2008 In my experience, when a guy says he doesn't deserve you, or he's not good enough for you, you should believe him. Regardless of how he intends it, he knows himself better than you do. And he's telling you the truth about how he feels. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueHarvest Posted October 26, 2008 Share Posted October 26, 2008 Context clues mean everything. If a guy were to say "I don't deserve you" or "You are too good for me" more then once in a blue moon I would seriously talk to him about self-esteem/confidence issues. Also if he says it with a smile on his face it's a compliment, if he says it with a mopey expression or no expression or even sadness then he has issues he needs to deal with. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted October 26, 2008 Share Posted October 26, 2008 Ugh my ex used to always say that. He wasn't right, for one he was hotter than me, but after awhile it gets to the point where you want to agree with them so they'll shut up and stop repeating it. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted October 26, 2008 Share Posted October 26, 2008 Oh ... I would reconsider this whole situation. If he is always saying these things to you along the lines of "I don't deserve you", then he will dump you someday. He will feel too insecure to continue things with you. Or he'll act all weird and make YOU dump him because he's too much of a wimp to do it himself. And chances are he'll do this via email / text message and add insult to injury. Sorry if that sounds bitter, but I'm slowly becoming a bitter person over time in the field of love. Link to post Share on other sites
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