Worried about younger sisters new lifestyle

[anotherother24]

Hi, I don't know exactly how to explain this but I'm worried about my sister and I was hoping for some advice.

 

My sister is 23 and shes a lesbian, which is fine with me. Except recently she has gotten into a relationship...I guess it's called bdsm...like a master/slave thing...

 

Anyways, I'm worried. I've been reading her online journal and it's like she's become this whole different person. We were always pretty close and I'd never seen anything like this before. She's lost a few friends over it also and it's like she doesn't even care at all. In her entries she just says she wants to be used and treated like some sort of property and she doesnt want to have any thoughts or feelings or whatever. She even wrote how they had met some people older than them online and went to some meeting with them and then when they came back I guess the man wanted to punish his "slave" or whatever so they let them come in the house and get naked and beat her or whatever. So my sister was naked also. I don't know...I mean I'm pretty open minded and I don't mind if they want to get a little freaky or something.

 

I just can't understand this type of thing at all though and I'm very worried for her safety. I mean we had a little bit of a rough childhood but I'm wondering if she needs help or counseling or something. I can't understand why she would want to be treated this way and live this way all the time, like a slave really. She does everything for her girlfriend such as the cooking and cleaning and she wrote in one entry how she was supposed to sleep at the bottom of the bed by the girls feet or something.

 

Does anyone have any experience with this type of lifestyle. I'm afraid to talk to her because I just get upset and angry because I can't understand it and I don't want to completely cut her off either. It sounds like she wouldn't really care all that much. She's supposed to be coming to visit next week, they live about an hour from here. Her girlfriend told her she wasn't allowed to come and visit before and of course my sister goes along with it because it's part of this lifestyle. IS THIS NORMAL?? I don't know what to do, It's like I can't do anything...alls she cares about is this girl and this lifestyle and nothing else seems to matter, like shes brainwashed or something.

 

I mean..we even went out to eat last time they were here and I would ask my sister questions and she wouldn't answer, she would just shake her head or something. Then later I found out she wasn't "allowed" to talk unless she asked permission or something. That makes me really upset. I mean, I'm her family...theres no excuse for this in my opinion...i'm so frustrated...hopefully someone knows more about this than me...:(

[mental_traveller]

It's nothing to be concerned about so long as the people involved are otherwise decent & trustworthy, and it's all consensual. For people into BDSM, getting tied up, whipped etc, or being the one doing it, is pleasurable not abusive. However as a precaution, since she doesn't know them well yet, it's best to let someone trusted know where she is, when she is going to finish etc. Also you might want to just meet some of these people and see what they seem like in a normal social setting. Most people into BDSM are just normal people otherwise - teachers, doctors, businessmen, cops etc. Just form your opinion the same way you would with anyone else, based on their normal day to day actions, not what particular bedroom kink they get off on.

 

Some of the stuff that people will enjoy can seem incomprehensible if you are not into that lifestyle. But if its what they want, and what gives them satisfaction, then really that's their call to make. Unless they are being drugged or held against their will, it's an informed consensual decision and choice on their part.

 

Regarding therapy etc, this is just as useful as therapy aimed at turning gay people straight i.e. not at all. Almost all gay people know if from a young age i.e. puberty onwards. Almost all people into BDSM know it from their teens onwards. It's something intrinsic IMO. Psychologists universally agree that there's nothing aberrant about enjoying BDSM - it is a minority interest but otherwise has no negative connotations regarding mental state, stability, abnormal personality etc.

 

I would recommend reading up more about it - getting informed and knowledgeable will help you understand her better and probably soothe most of your concerns.