can't move on from trust issues

[sandrawg]

I haven't posted much on my own situation lately, but if you look at my old posts, I had a lot of drama surrounding my bf's ex a little while ago.

 

If you look at my old posts, my bf was contacting his ex behind my back and despite having told me she was crazy, he wasn't interested in her, and he'd tell her to get lost after she was sending him sexy pics. (I found this out months later when he left his email open on my laptop.)

 

We broke up for 2 months-during that time, he hooked up w/her. Then we got back together and he lied about the extent of their "hooking up", and he also seemed very reluctant to get rid of her, despite me conditioning us getting bk together on him doing just that!! He would actually get mad at me for feeling insecure about her. Long story.

 

Anyway, what I'm going through now is, he went on a 2 week long trip. When he came back, he told me he was committed to making our rel'ship work, whatever it takes...etc. He wanted to do things to make me feel more secure. And I have to say, he has been doing that...he tells me who's calling him, if it's a girl (you know, female housemate, or a friend)...he will tell his female housemates and this one female friend he has, that he is with me, when they call...also, making it a priority to tell me who he's with and what he's doing, either by calling or texting, when we're apart. I mean, he has been VERY attentive.

 

The problem is that I am still having SO much trouble trusting him.

 

I had a horrible rel'ship before him-the guy lied to me, was trying to hook up w/other women behind my back-that's just the SMALL things he did.

 

He left me w/trust issues in general.

 

My bf's thing w/the ex, left me w/trust issues about him specifically.

 

Also, a few months ago he showed me an x-rated txt msg some girl sent him. I found out he had met her at a concert back in January and got her number. He claimed he got it to talk to her about the band, because she did merchandising for them. It sounded super fishy to me. I tried to drop it, cuz it happened a while ago, but it's still bothering me.

 

My trust issues are making me have problems giving him the benefit of the doubt.

 

Lately, I've been blowing up about meaningless, innocuous things related to other girls, suggesting he likes his housemate...also, he ran into a former very cute housemate, chatted her up while I was dancing w/my girlfriend, then as we were leaving told her, "get my number from >mutual friend<, and let's hang out sometime." I went a little nuts on him like, "were you planning on hanging out with her ALONE?"

 

I feel bad about that.

 

He still hangs out at bars a lot with his single friends, and I am always wondering what he's doing, whether he's chatting up cute girls.

 

I don't see how this is sustainable. He could be behaving like a saint now--how will I ever believe him? I'm wondering if I am too damaged to be in a rel'ship with ANYONE.