Silverlycold Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 Hello, My husband and I haven't been married long, since june 10th. We are both fairly young. The problem that I'm having is that he keeps bring up when I use to be mess around with girls when I was younger making comments like.. did you like it? do you want to do it again? and he even asked if I wanted a girlfriend. I talked to him and told him of course not that I felt like if he wanted to look at me and another girl then he needed to find someone else. These comments he keeps making just make me feel like I'm not good enough. I hate this feeling and it just won't go away. I want to make my husband as happy as possible but should I do things that will make me feel horrible just for his happiness. Ever since he have been together I have always felt as though I wasn't good enough but now the feeling is just overwelming me. I love him way to much and I want to work things out but I just don't know what to say with out making him upset and me for that matter. What do I do??? Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 Absolutely not. If you are not interested in bringing another female into your marriage, then you need to stand by that issue and work it out with your husband, maybe through third parties - maybe marriage counselling? Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 First, you calm down and remind yourself that you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. You don't want to sleep with another woman and that is that. That's your boundary and no one can pressure you into doing that. What isn't clear from your post is whether or not your husband truly is pressuring you or if you're just having a hard time establishing your boundaries, which is making you feel guilty. This leads you to the main issue in your post: why do you feel you aren't good enough? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 OP, your H is playing some mind games. Let him try that smack with a psychologist in the room Seriously, make it a point to get some MC. I say that because you're telling us you don't feel "good enough" and haven't felt that way for a long time apparently. You're going to need help with this, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Silverlycold Posted October 25, 2008 Author Share Posted October 25, 2008 well its not so much pressuring i guess, he just keeps bringing it up. he said that it would be really hot to him if i were to go down on a girl and have a girl friend. and that just makes me feel like im not good enough and he needs someone else too. even though it wouldnt really be him doing anything with this girl it still makes me think im not sexy enough, or pretty enough. as far as the other things that make me think im not good enough its just i dont feel im smart enough for him, as i said above pretty enough, i just have always felt he deserved someone better than me. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 well its not so much pressuring i guess, he just keeps bringing it up. he said that it would be really hot to him if i were to go down on a girl and have a girl friend. and that just makes me feel like im not good enough and he needs someone else too. even though it wouldnt really be him doing anything with this girl it still makes me think im not sexy enough, or pretty enough. as far as the other things that make me think im not good enough its just i dont feel im smart enough for him, as i said above pretty enough, i just have always felt he deserved someone better than me. Don't do what you're not comfortable doing. Period. Tell him. Why you don't feel smart enough? Well, you need to examine that or take an inventory of things you are good at doing, which may be better than him. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted October 26, 2008 Share Posted October 26, 2008 A friend of mine who kept being pressured by her husband, to have a threesome, went out and found a person she'd feel comfortable with...(he kept asking het to do this....) sho she enlisted the help and collusion of a good friend - who just happened to be male and gay. her husband nearly had a seizure, and never mentioned it again. Everyone has given you absolutely perfect, spot-on and indisputably logical advice. it's not you, it's him. You should never feel pressured, or be pressured, intimidated or co-erced into doing anything you do not feel even slightly uncomfortable with, least of all by the person who made all those vows only a few months back! This shows an astonishing absence of sensitivity and Respect. Next time he brings it up, you could ask him how he would feel if you suggested having a male third party instead.... I feel certain he'll blow a gasket. This is NOT what he has in mind! Then tell him to shove it, and never mention it again, then, OK? Link to post Share on other sites
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