Toying with his emotions

[sos1971]

It's awful but I can't usually leave a sticky wicket behind. If things end on agreeable terms with someone, I don't usually care if I ever ssee them again. Or even if I do it would be a pleasant interaction and that's that.

 

I had a really nasty situation happen over the last couple of weeks. I hooked up with someone against my better judgment and got bamboozled. I used him too so it's kind of like, fair enough. The thing is, I ended it. And just because he waffled on me. I immediately assumed I was more into him than he was to me and gooned OUT.

 

Anyway, I was really mean and he was stunned and then really mean back and that's how it went until he just quit. I hate it about myself but I always have to have the last word. He has his myspace page set to private now, as if I care. I don't even have a myspace page and I have seen his maybe twice? He really is bad, really is down, really is an untreated addict. I freaked out when I realized the severity of what he was. But I am self destructive. And I saw him yesterday. And we both kind of gasped and stared at the wall and he ran out the door, like I would run after him?

 

So then I got a wee bit tipsy and started texting him ****... saying some aggressive & provocative things and I haven't heard **** from him. Nor do I expect to. I won't do it again. I feel so guilty & stupid. I kind of attacked him out of the blue and ditched him and now I can't stop thinking about him. Some things about him were really really great, really really sweet. He is a strange one. I think he more than likely could give a damn if he ever hears from me again and probably deletes my email on sight.

 

Anyway. I already know how unhealthy this sounds so please take it easy on me. I feel like I'm in a research phase of things right now, trying to find my happy medium. I cannot be with some square guy. It can't happen it won't work. But I don't want to be saddled with some slackass loser either. Where are you??? Portland?

[carhill]

What are you in the research phase of? How long have you known this guy you "hooked up with"?

 

Does " I cannot be with some square guy" mean you like drama? Your post indicates that you do.

 

I'm in California.

[sos1971]

I knew him for about 2 months before we started seeing each other about 3 weeks ago. I say research phase because I am just recently getting out of a 10 yr marriage and am trying to figure out who I want and how to avoid loneliness while still being responsible. That's why I ditched him-- drama and an overwhelming collection of bad ideas on his part made it irresponsible of me to be around him. But yeah, it was exciting sort of and he was sooooo cute.

 

California, eh?

[carhill]

Who do you want to be? Find that and you'll attract a compatible man. Sometimes, in marriage, we lose ourselves, not permanently, but temporarily. Interestingly, even though it was attended to improve/save our M, MC has helped me find myself (my center) again. So, stay or go, I feel more myself and confident about who I am in a relationship.

 

Loneliness? Hmm...yeah, one can have that in a R or being single. Personally, I think being alone can be healthy, but we each have to accept our unique perspective on that. Being alone doesn't mean being lonely. We each choose how we feel about our space and our place.

 

Give me an example of his drama and overwhelmingly bad ideas. Helps understand your perspective better. Also, what's your perspective on your past M now. This is very important. We naturally project our past experiences into our present perspective. The work is how we view those past experiences as a reflection upon others as well as ourselves. This is another area where therapy can help (introspection works too) if one wants it to.

[sos1971]

Well, he has a drug problem. He's clean-ish right now, not doing what he really loves but drinking and things like that. He told me that if he were well to do he would do his drug of choice all the time. He is really trying to get straightened out and my intention was to be supportive for him but we just started being stupid so i freaked out and told him to get lost. He just got out of a long term relationship too.

 

I haven't fully gathered my thoughts on my marriage. i will say this, my H and I went to MC for 3 years. And then he cheated on me with a coworker. I'm kind of glad about it now. But I do feel like I missed out on a lot locked up in that unhappy relationship for so long.

 

These days, I don't have that pang when I think of him but I do still love him very much and I want him to be happy.

 

About my troubled/trouble lover I think it will never get better. I think I should get away but... he wrote me back. And I don't want to date a short attorney.

[You'reasian]

Well, he has a drug problem. He's clean-ish right now, not doing what he really loves but drinking and things like that. He told me that if he were well to do he would do his drug of choice all the time. He is really trying to get straightened out and my intention was to be supportive for him but we just started being stupid so i freaked out and told him to get lost. He just got out of a long term relationship too.

 

I haven't fully gathered my thoughts on my marriage. i will say this, my H and I went to MC for 3 years. And then he cheated on me with a coworker. I'm kind of glad about it now. But I do feel like I missed out on a lot locked up in that unhappy relationship for so long.

 

These days, I don't have that pang when I think of him but I do still love him very much and I want him to be happy.

 

About my troubled/trouble lover I think it will never get better. I think I should get away but... he wrote me back. And I don't want to date a short attorney.

 

Why do you get involved with guys who do alot of drugs?

[sos1971]

He's clean now. Right now anyway. I'm going out with him purely because he is easy on the eyes, lips.... because I'm shallow! Plus, in my teens I was in a similar situation and I know how important it is to have someone, anyone believe you're going to get it back together. Sorry, but past histories of drug use are really common, even amongst people you think you know well. It doesn't really make a whole lot of sense. huh.

[You'reasian]

Your other post says he's clean-ish, indicating that he is still having problems with drugs. Get him tested then decide that you aren't going to be in relationships with guys that do drugs, which you seem to complain about in every new user-ID you create. Instead of creating new user IDs, solve your problem by not going out with these kinds of guys.

 

If you find out your man has this history, explain to him that its a deal breaker.

 

Simple.

[sos1971]

Um, are you some sort of creepy hacker or something? I could have five billion accounts and that would be my right, wouldn't it? I do try to maintain some kind of anonymity on the web but I guess it's just a complete waste of time to ask for advice or vent on this site esp. if I'm going to get dogged or outed or whatever. I'm sorry if something I said offended you and made you angry enough to take a jab at me.

[carhill]

OP, if you do have multiple LS usernames, the main issue those of us attempting to assist or support have is the difficulty in easily ascertaining your history. History is very important to understanding and it's pretty inconvenient for you to have to include it in each posting. Your choice

 

Since you're a teenager, no worries. Life is about learning

 

I would agree that history of drug abuse isn't necessarily an indicator of future drug abuse. At my advanced age, I know many people who used drugs in the distant past and it was just part of their life experience. We used to call it a "phase". I never participated as I had no interest. Everyone's different

 

Keep us posted on your progress!