i think i'm obsessed...it's making me suicidal

[Noleafclover]

i think i really need help

 

2 years ago when i first came to college i met this guy, trevor. pretty soon, our group of friends started forming and we were in the same mutual group of friends. at first we started out as friends, then i started developing feelings toward him, and he developed feelings for me. i found out he was a virgin and hadnt even had a serious girlfriend before. i think this made my feelings for him grow even stronger. at the time i had a boyfriend who wasnt the most faithful or moral. he had had 40 sexual partners and i was beginning to think i would never be able to get over it. so when i met trevor, i thought it was a dream come true.

 

i knew that i didnt want to hurt trevor by telling him i was not a virgin. so at first i claimed to be a virgin also. however, one of our mutual friends told him the truth and then some. i know i shouldnt have lied about that at all but i just didnt want him to feel as bad as i had with my boyfriends terrible past. i knew my sexual past was not horrible but to him it would be because of his great morals. anyway, i finally told him the truth. he was angry with me at first but then he seemed to get over it. soon, i ended up taking trevor's virginity. everything had been going great up until that point. then after that it just all went downhill.

 

the next day some of his friends from another school came up. we were all drinking. trevor ignored me the whole time so i started talking to his friends and i started sitting in their laps just goofing off. well i guess he didn't find that too amusing. he ended up calling me a "dirty whore" as i was leaving. i could not believe what was coming out of his mouth.

 

well i tried to get past that and work over taht because my feelings for him were so strong. i finally called it quits with my boyfriend for good. i only wanted to be with trevor and no one else could even compare. well, when my boyfriend at the time had came up to talk to me (and i was breaking up with him), trevor decided to get some revenge on me for even talking to the boyfriend....so he makes this porno only days after i took his virginity with this really sleazy girl. i guess it was to get back at me for something he thought i was doing.

 

to make a long story short, he started calling me a slut to everyone among other names. he was always accusing me of sleeping with everyone and the insults never stopped. he started messing around with "sleazy girl," and even made out with one of my friends right in front of me. i dont know what i ever did to him to deserve all of this.

 

so the following semester, here i am still liking him for some stupid reason i dont even know. we end up talking one night over at a friends and we admitted that we got really jealous of each other and he said he did not really think i was a whore. a few days later, i found out he had slept with a girl later taht night after we talked.

 

i went crazy. i jsut could not handle it at all. i ended up sleeping with his best friend to get back at him. i know taht is horrible but i jsut wasnt thinking clearly at taht point. i was also hearing from his best friend all sorts of horrible things he was saying about me.

 

well trevor was irate about my sleeping with his friend. it started being a game of revenge tactics. i completely lost all respect for myself and started sleeping with a few other people too because i thought it would make me feel better because taht was what he was doing...yeah i know this is stupid but just bear with me.

 

well toward the end of that semester we ended up sleeping together again...and taht was the last time. i thought it had meant something but i guess it didnt. he told me he didnt like "sleazy girl" at all and even told me he still had feelings for me. well, soon after, he transferred and said it was because he hated everyone here. he never even bothered to call me or anything. online, he would barely say 2 sentences to me. .

 

i only saw him one time during the whole semester that he was transferred. and during taht one time he wouldnt even speak to me. i dont know why, but this is driving me crazy. i'm sure he probably does not have feelings for me at all but i just cannot get him out of my head. i even have a boyfriend now, and i thought i could get over trevor with my new boyfriend but i absolutely cannot get over him. recently i emailed him because i still cannot get over him. needless to say he never replied. online, he will barely talk at all if at all. i don't know how to get over this. it is making me so miserable i wonder what the point of living is anymore. i don't think taht i will ever find anyone that can make me feel this strongly. and i know its stupid because he obviously has no feelings for me at all. but for some reason i hold on to some bit of hope that if the feelings were once there and he actually lost his virginity of 19 years to me, then i must mean something to him. i think it was because i was not a virgin and had had some sexual experience that made him disgusted with me.

 

well anyway, i dont know what to do about this. why am i still holding on to thoughts and memories about this guy taht never ever go away? he doesnt even go to college here anymore and i never see him or talk to him really. i think i am obsessed. has anyone ever felt this way before? its been a long time and i still cant get him out of my head no matter what he says. how can i help this because it is really making death seem better than living at this point. . i cant even talk about it with any of my friends because they still keep somewhat in contact with him and they would think i was psycho if i was still reminiscing about him. i am in hell.

 

"And so I leave this world, where the heart must either break or turn to

 

lead.

 

Suicide note.

 

~~ Nicolas-Sebastien Chamfort, French writer, d. 1794

 

 

 

 

"I hate you for loving me, I love you for hating me, save yourself."

-Peter Steele, Type O Negative

[Patty]

Please contact a hotline number if your suicidal.This is an emergency!

 

Click on this and read.

 

http://www.mental-health-matters.com/crisis/800numb.php

 

Patty

[dalmatianbaby]

Don't even think about suicide. There is NO man or woman in the world worth giving up your life for.

 

The guy turned out to be a jerk. We've all been there. You need to sit down and have a nice talk with yourself about what happened. You need to get control of your life and not dwell on this guy. He's not worth your time.

 

There are billions of men out there. Men that wouldn't treat you that way. Men that won't treat you like trash. You deserve to move on now.

 

Dalmatianbaby

[jenny]

o, babes, what a story!

 

ok, a couple of things that you might want to hear:

 

1. college is the time for this. we have all been there, you're not alone.

 

2. you did what you did. there are consequences for it, but its done. hold your head high.

 

3. you are not the sum total of your previous actions or relationships. it sounds to me that you're hanging onto

this guy out of a weird sense of shame - certainly nothing in his character suggests lovability. he is not moral.

he is not ethical. he is a common variety a$$. he will not fix what happened with your other boyfriend.

 

4. you were an injured party here insofaras he freaked out on *you* after having sex. this is something only very

insecure men do.

 

 

and a few things you may not want to:

 

1. you have to choose who you are, right now. cheating on guys, becoming a victim of guys, is a choice that you

make. you sound very intelligent, you are aware of the ethical implications of your actions; you must choose a

different path starting now. how to do that? think about what gives you pleasure and work on yourself first.

tell us about yourself - what do you like to do for fun? what do you want to be when you're older?

screw all these ridiculous guys. you are too good for them. don't call them or contact them, and spend that

time doing nice nourishing things for yourself.

 

2. don't spend another second judging your ex, even if you sort of enjoy it. he is done as well. give yourself

closure.

 

i had a wild couple of years in college as well, but i consider them as fundamental to my education as anything else.

 

hugs and support,

j

 

p.s. there is an actual disorder that deals with obsession - when one message gets stuck in your head again and again, and i think there are behaviouralist techniques to deal with it. anyone on the forum know anything about this?

[Noleafclover]

thank you for the advice. i have no idea why i would remain so hung up on this guy but i know it is time for me to try and change this way of thinking. as for the suicide issue, i know it really would be stupid to do that, and i know he really isn't worth it at all. maybe i should stop blaming myself so much. i guess it just gets me down because it feels like these feelings will never go away, and it's like an ever present inner torment.

 

i would really like to have the information on what can be done for obsession..i feel like such a freak but i think that would be very helpful.

 

as for some things about myself...well i am a junior......psych major of all things : )...i want to eventually go into clinical psychology ... you would think i would know somewhat about what to do to help this but i guess i am still only a mere undergrad : /

 

 

jenny, thank you so much for your advice.it really helps to know that other people have been in my shoes before too and that i'm not alone. thank you for helping me put things in perspective. your advice has helped me a great deal and i do want to make the decision to go down a different path. where i am right now is just not healthy for my life...and i think i just really need to accept that there is no chance with trevor and face the reality. even if there was a chance, he may not be a good guy to be with. sometimes i think a lot to do with my obsession with him is the image i have of him as this wonderful "moral" person, when in reality there may be nothing farther from the truth.

 

thanks again for reading and responding to my post : )

[Tony T]

"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." - The Wizard to the Tinman, The Wizard of Oz, 1939.

[Oxydol]

Suicide is a long term solution for a short term problem.

 

After the death of my mother, my father could not cope. So, he killed himself. You have no idea what it is like to be one of those who are left behind. Don't do it to yourself and don't do it to those who love you.

 

As for your behaviour...we all have times in our lives that we have screwed up. Don't be so hard on yourself. You know where you have erred, so learn from it.

 

And as another poster stated....no man or woman is worth killing yourself for.

 

I send you a big hug.

[moimeme]

p.s. there is an actual disorder that deals with obsession - when one message gets stuck in your head again and again, and i think there are behaviouralist techniques to deal with it. anyone on the forum know anything about this?

 

It's called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. People think the hand-washing stereotype is the hallmark of OCD, but 'obsessive' refers to obsessive thoughts. It's the 'compulsive' that refers to actions like hand-washing and not everybody with OCD has both. Behavioural interventions can work; there are also drugs that do a good job of 'unsticking' obsessive thoughts.