Feelings for straight friend

[Goldstar]

My straight friend has recently pushed me to declare that I in fact do have feelings for her as more than a friend.

 

I was never going to do this, but after asking her to a concert she gave me a myriad of excuses including that fact she was "uneasy around me". Of course I immediately addressed this and basically I told her I would never hit on her, I think it would be rude.

 

I was kind of suprised about the uneasy part because she and I have been flirting for awhile and the chemistry is there. I have been gay a long time and while I always thought she was straight, there is some kind of attraction there between us.

 

I guess I read it wrong though.

 

I thought we were good, I basically pulled away and started no contact to normalize the relationship.

 

She broke no contact with me and we have been texting periodically with no mention of the DTR talk.

 

I didn't see her for three weeks, I have lost weight and the first thing she says is "I look really good". I said thanks and walk away. I think I realized then that I did like her too much to continue as friends.

 

When she and I talked about my feelings she never

 

a) told me she was straight

b) said she wanted to just be friends

 

Also, when I said we could blame me for the feelings she said she could not blame me. She just said it must be hard for me and she was sorry.

 

My question is, did I read this completely wrong?

 

Has anyone had this happen and did you salvage the friendship?

[axisdenied]

Yup. A few times. In my experiences the women have never come right out and said "Sorry, but I'm not gay." It's always been more like "Well, I'm flattered . . . " or a long, uneasy laugh or something of that nature. Plenty of us just have a hard time straight up rejecting another person, so offering something less definitive seems like a good option for softening the blow. And really, I've always taken that as a sign that they DO enjoy my company and want to continue the friendship but just aren't comfortable with the idea of dating a woman.

 

From my own history with the situation, which may not be like your experience (but you asked, so . . . ), you probably did read it wrong. Straight women flirt and say sexy things to each other. They can feel platonic-like chemistry. And really, it isn't unlike something you'd get from a bonafied attracted-to-women woman, you just want a sexual component to the relationship where they do not.

 

Hope that helps.

[axisdenied]

Forgot to answer the last part -

 

I have continued those friendships before. It's just like anyone would handle a crush on a friend gay or straight -minimize the contact for awhile, find a more suitable direction for your passions and let the friendship redevelop naturally when it becomes easy to be around that person again. I hit on my TA back in undergrad, which made her uncomfortable at the time, but we still saw one another around after the class ended, during which I let go. Kinda hard to feel fuzzy for somebody you just don't know that well anymore. :-) 3 years after the incident she because the vocalist in my band and now we see each other several times a week. The friendship is healthy and dynamic with no weird feelings.