It's over now and I just need to vent.

[KunFuZed]

For a year and 5 months me n my f.w.b. have been exclusive with each other. Untill I met another guy I was interrested in and lied and told my f.w.b. that I have b/f now, but we continued to have sex. During this time, I'm spending more time with the f.w.b. (Beacuse this other guy was never arround). I felt like he (f.w.b.) was catching feelings and ignored them because I didn't feel the same way about him. But the more time we spent together I found myself having feelings for him but I kept them to myself and tried to deny them to him and myself. Although I denied them I did so much for him to prove to him that I would make a great girlfriend, the perfect girlfriend for him. I did things that I would never do or have ever done for any other man. And I felt that brought us closer together. On my birthday I decied to tell him how I felt which turned out to be a big mistake. He told me that I would make a great girl friend and make some man happy one day but not him, he doesn't feel the same about me. I felt like he broke my heart and we stopped talking for for a while and recently we started talking and having sex again. Another mistake. I still felt at this time that he had feelings and once again I tried to deny mine. The last time we tried to have sex it didn't happen because he wanted to change things and I didn't agree with the making a change in the relationship we had. I just wanted to put my confession behind us a continue from where we left off before I had opened my mouth. Even tho he was telling me he didn't feel the same it was hard for me to believe because if you don't have feelings for some one you don't do things like you do. He claims he only did things like he had feelings because I told him I had a boyfriend. He did things like he wanted to prove to me that he would be a better man for me than the boyfriend I claimed to have. Altho it was hard to belive he didn't feel the same, I accepted how he said he felt. He said he didn't want my feelings for him to get any stronger and thought it would be best that we not have sex any more (that's wasn't the change he initially wanted to make the relationship that just became the end result). He felt that way altho I tried to convince him that those feelings were no longer there because he broke my heart. But its hard for me to move on. I think I held my feelings for so long that I eventually loved this man but I would never share that with him. He made me regret ever telling him how I felt and wished that I wouldn't have said anything at all. And now its over and I feel lost. I am so hurt he hurt me so bad on my birthday and I let it go and came back to him anyway. What am I gonna do now?