chaental Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 I am 28 yrs old and have been living with my mother for the past 9 months. In the beginning I did not have any money and lived for free for 3 months. Since then, I have been working two jobs, saving money and living very frugally so that I can build up money in my account to pay off debts. Also, since April I have been paying for half the rent and all groceries for the house. This was the agreement when I moved in. Recently, I won some money. The amount is not a fortune, but it is enough to allow me to pay off my own debts. Immediately, my mother has her hand out and spoke behind my back to my sister that I owe her now for the first 3 months and also for continuing to allow me to live here (even though i pay half the rent). She also keeps saying things around me like "oh i don't know how i'll pay the rent this month" or "they're going to shut off the gas if i don't pay them". Its not really that I don't want to help her, its that I am angry that its barely been 48 hours. I haven't even cashed the check yet, and she already is laying guilt trips and has her hand out and saying that i owe her. The other thing is that my mom is Very irresponsible financially. She goes out to restaurants 5 nights a week. Buys shoes instead of cat litter and is constantly borrowing money from my sister and I and not paying us back. She already owed me money before and now that I have this money I feel like the Bank of America now. I have always been poor my whole life and now I really want to be smart about it, maybe invest it or just pay off my old debts (haven't really decided yet). Just because I have it doesn't mean I need to spend it today or tomorrow. I am mostly venting and confused about all of this. Do you think I am being selfish? Do you think I should give her some of it? I know that I am going to give her some, but I want to make it clear that I am not an ATM machine. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 pay off what debts you can, and take her to dinner someplace nice – not too expensive, not too inexpensive, just someplace nice you wouldn't ordinarily be able to go, and tell you want to celebrate with her being able to pay off your debts so that you're in a better position to help with the electric/cable/utility/etc bill. if she squawks, let her – you moved in with the understanding that she was going to do X until you were in a better position financially. By telling her that you can now help with one more bill (that is, if it's feasible for you), you're making good on your intention to help out more. don't let her make you feel guilty – some people are very good about expecting others "do" for them when there's a change in fortune, and you don't have to fall for it. Even if it IS your mom! Link to post Share on other sites
ed-205 Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 If you don't *owe* your mother any money, then you are not obligated to share your winnings with her. That's how I saw it when my kids lived with me. The best financial investment you can make is to pay off your own debts. If your mother doesn't see that, then no wonder she's always borrowing to make ends meet. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 I would repay her the 3 months, then pay off your debts. This way, you start from ground zero and have nothing to give her. Once you became an adult, she stopped owing you any financial support. That she was willing for you to live with her for free, when times were tough with you, shows that she loves you. The reverse holds true if she's spending her own way into poverty. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chaental Posted October 28, 2008 Author Share Posted October 28, 2008 i had a talk with my mom tonight. we were both crying and she explained to me that she only needed 2000 to get caught up on the bills. she reminded me of all the times she helped me and spends money on me because she enjoys giving. i told her she needs to be smarter about how she spends her money because its not good. she feels like life is short and wants everyday to be happy. i guess this is because she lost her mother 2 yrs ago. so i am going to give her the 2000, so that she can start over in life. i'm also going to take us on a little vacation after the holidays. my mom has never been anywhere in her life and i want her to see my husbands country and meet his family. i guess i had to remember that money isn't everything in life. thank you everyone for your replies. Link to post Share on other sites
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