I can't believe it!

[OWoman]

Age is not really a factor. Engaging in an affair hurts his mom.Precious knows this and does not care. Any offspring would be pissed.

 

Not so. I was not "pissed" at my father's A - I was relieved and delighted that he'd found someone who made him happy, because that made him more accessible to us kids.

 

Neither are MM's kids "pissed". I've had nothing but respect and good humour from them. (Which can't be said for their mother... but they're teens.) Difference is, I guess, being able to put somoene else's perspective ahead of your own. As a kid, we could do that, and recognise that my father's A was good news for him, and for others too. Precious's MM's "kid" seems unable to see beyond his own metal phallus.

 

I was going to post something about that too. Its semantics. To your parents' date=' we will always be one of their kids. It doesn't mean that we are children. An adult child is a very valid way to look at even this 40 year old gentleman.[/quote']

 

A "gentleman" he sure isn't. He's a thug. And his mental age seems more like the kids in his school, if that's the way he resolves disputes.

[precious1357]

You are reaping the consequences of your actions as we all will, with that said, he is legally, morally and ethically wrong also. I understand his anger, but I don't condone him threatening a woman(or anyone other than his poor excuse for a father.) I would suspect that this guy has seen his dad mistreat his mom for a number of years and has finally reached a breaking point. He needs to seek counseling, because his anger won't remain in the context it was created. It will spill over into other avenues of his life, like his job as a principal. I wouldn' want my child under his authority.

 

You deal with God and only God. He will deal justily, but steer clear of this person as best you can.

thanks again everyone, i went to the police and filed a report. bentnotbroken, this family is well off and his father never mistreated the mother. they live very well, mother is the dominant figure in the family. i know because i know them and they put up a great front. dad did not mistreat mother and its just one of the marriages where they are both worn out but like to keep up a good picture. son is the same way, i know his wife, he told her after they were married that he married her based on her mother's appearance (her mother is slim) and advised her to never ever gain weight. mother and son are very very controllling people. thanks again.

[precious1357]

Sigh. Yes you can help who you love. When you know someone is married you put boundaries in place and don't allow a relationship in.

Precious is one of the worst. This is the ow who is a church friend of the wife. Sees husband and wife together all the time and knows of all their vacations and what not. She was sincerely a side piece. Sorry precious but you've basically admitted this in your posts. You know he has no intention of ever leaving his wife. The son was way out of line but I wonder if the mm put him up to it to get out of this mess. I've had the feeling for a while this man felt trapped with you and didn't know what to do.

I don't remember does the wife know?

thanks greengoddess, you must watch a lot of movies or something, never happened like that, i did not look for anyone. mm, and others, we would laugh and talk about all kinds of things, never never did i approach or flirt, mm kept after me and was just real real nice, liked to talk and laugh, we didn't do anything. you don't know how things are and should not ASSUME some dramatic version. but thanks again for the punch.

[precious1357]

The son knows she's not going to the police. She can't without opening a BIG can of worms. It's also her word against his. It is doubtful that he would risk his position and harm her. Obviously, he knows he can't change his father. I can certainly see his anger though over the betrayal of his mother by her "friend".

 

Everyone here has backed themselves into a corner. She can't go to the police without the congregation learning of her actions. Son can't bring the A to light without hurting his mom and dragging the family through the mud. Everyones hands are tied.

 

ifwisheswerehorses, everything you said is right except one. wife and i were never friends, i know her and we see each other a lot because of the church but no, we were never friends. i'm not the horror you seem to think.

[precious1357]

thanks again everyone, i felt bad and i put this on the board and now i feel worse after reading some of the replies...trust me I have sought the Lord and asked for forgiveness for my sins. Jesus, came for the sinners not for the perfect people (or at least not for those who think their perfect). I have adult children too and if i inflamed them, they might would overreact too. but it would be MY FAULT. I have never made it a practice in 30 years of parenting to enrage my children with MY problems. every family is different...so thanks all of you, your replies are appreciated and it has been a great discussion.

[NoIDidn't]

thanks again everyone, i felt bad and i put this on the board and now i feel worse after reading some of the replies...trust me I have sought the Lord and asked for forgiveness for my sins. Jesus, came for the sinners not for the perfect people (or at least not for those who think their perfect). I have adult children too and if i inflamed them, they might would overreact too. but it would be MY FAULT. I have never made it a practice in 30 years of parenting to enrage my children with MY problems. every family is different...so thanks all of you, your replies are appreciated and it has been a great discussion.

 

I don't know why you feel worse after reading some of the replies. They were just trying to offer their perspective on your situation. I am not sure who you are blaming with the "it would be MY FAULT" line? MM's W? You think she "inflamed" her son? Really? At 40 you don't think he could have made his own decision on what he saw was happening and how he wanted to respond to it? You can't blame one adult for what another adult decided to do with unsettling information.

 

But what I really want to address is what I bolded. I don't like to see Jesus or God brought into the middle of mess we create ourselves. Jesus did come for sinners, but I recall his words to the people he met in sins as "go and SIN NO MORE". Somehow people have gotten this message that if they ask for forgiveness they are free to continue doing what they asked to be forgiven for? Believe me, I don't ever claim to be perfect, but I thought the goal was to become sinless not sinful. Romans 6 addresses this.

 

I am sorry if I appear judgmental. I just hate to see Christians use excuses for what is clearly doing what they want to do regardless of what their Savior really taught and modeled.

[Reggie]

Not so. I was not "pissed" at my father's A - I was relieved and delighted that he'd found someone who made him happy, because that made him more accessible to us kids.

 

Neither are MM's kids "pissed". I've had nothing but respect and good humour from them. (Which can't be said for their mother... but they're teens.) Difference is, I guess, being able to put somoene else's perspective ahead of your own. As a kid, we could do that, and recognise that my father's A was good news for him, and for others too. Precious's MM's "kid" seems unable to see beyond his own metal phallus.

 

 

 

A "gentleman" he sure isn't. He's a thug. And his mental age seems more like the kids in his school, if that's the way he resolves disputes.

 

Well, then I'd say the vast majority of offspring seeing their parent hurt by an affair would be angry.

Regardless, this guy clearly was. And, by inserting herself into the marriage, the OW should expect the possibility that she will anger the other members of the family.

My point was that she played a key role in pissing this guy off. Violence or threats of violence are inappropriate, though.

[Dark-N-Romantic]

Well, its over...yesterday child of MM threatened to kill me...I can't take any more. It was truly awful

 

Good for the kid. You are lucky the wife isn't coming after you or one of her friends. At least he or she is willing to fight and destroy one of the ruiners of his or her family and their idea of what a family is suppose to be.

 

 

DNR

[Dark-N-Romantic]

Well, then I'd say the vast majority of offspring seeing their parent hurt by an affair would be angry.

Regardless, this guy clearly was. And, by inserting herself into the marriage, the OW should expect the possibility that she will anger the other members of the family.

My point was that she played a key role in pissing this guy off. Violence or threats of violence are inappropriate, though.

 

I am one of those kids you are talking about. To this day, I care not for where my father is, what he is doing, or even if he is alive. He hurt my mom. And if I was old enough to go after my stepfather, I would of when he hurt my mom, but his staying out of our lives and leaving my mom alone, suited me just fine. And to this day, as God is my witness, I would without remorse or fear perform some of the most cruelest pranks on them both for disrespecting me and my household and for making mockery of the marriage vows. I don't care if she is the biggest whore out there, if he knows she is married and he still decides to lie with her, he gets what he deserves.

 

 

DNR

[sadintexas]

Dark-n-Romantic - that's sad. I hope you're getting help for your unresolved anger from your childhood.

[InLimbo2]

Your idea of a family is people that go around threatening to kill (or actually killing) people? The father in this little drama is as culpable as the poster - so the son should be applauded and encouraged to threaten or kill the father too? That's your idea of family?

 

Funny, my idea of family is people who act their age and work out their problem or end the pairing, make members take responsibility for their own actions, don't use threats of violence, and love and respect each other.

 

Silly me!

 

Good for the kid. You are lucky the wife isn't coming after you or one of her friends. At least he or she is willing to fight and destroy one of the ruiners of his or her family and their idea of what a family is suppose to be.

 

 

DNR

[Dark-N-Romantic]

Dark-n-Romantic - that's sad. I hope you're getting help for your unresolved anger from your childhood.

 

Don't need it. Cheating is wrong and those who engage in it and/or back it up is just as wrong. Not from just a religious perspective, but also a personal one that was even before I found out why adultry is such an abonimable act and why He allowed for the stoning of such people. The pain of adultry can last a life time and if the studies are right, most people who cheat are people who are from households where cheating was experienced. How many men and women kill each other because of adultry? These are all real outcomes from affairs, so it is not that I need help, I just don't take cheating as lightly as a lot of people do.

 

Again, I find it kind of funny from one who has been cheated on.

 

Oh, and I got my one of my ex's with one of my pranks. On her birthday and in front of her family, I presented pictures of her with another man. Boy did that make for a wonderful party when I left out. And she has not spoke to me sense, like I was hurt by that.

 

 

DNR

[InLimbo2]

Except it wasn't your household, it was your mother's and you were a child. My SO's father was an abusive bad man, and then he had a series of abusive bad men as step-fathers, one of whom adopted him. Those men were bad people who should have not done those things, but they came and went. His mother was the one constant in his life, and it was her fault that he was exposed to all that - she kept allowing these people into his life. He and she finally resolved it among themselves and he forgave her and they have a good relationship now.

 

Maybe you're so angry still because part of it is unresolved unfaced anger at your mother for having put you through that with her choice in men.

 

 

I am one of those kids you are talking about. To this day, I care not for where my father is, what he is doing, or even if he is alive. He hurt my mom. And if I was old enough to go after my stepfather, I would of when he hurt my mom, but his staying out of our lives and leaving my mom alone, suited me just fine. And to this day, as God is my witness, I would without remorse or fear perform some of the most cruelest pranks on them both for disrespecting me and my household and for making mockery of the marriage vows. I don't care if she is the biggest whore out there, if he knows she is married and he still decides to lie with her, he gets what he deserves.

 

 

DNR

[Dark-N-Romantic]

Except it wasn't your household, it was your mother's and you were a child. My SO's father was an abusive bad man, and then he had a series of abusive bad men as step-fathers, one of whom adopted him. Those men were bad people who should have not done those things, but they came and went. His mother was the one constant in his life, and it was her fault that he was exposed to all that - she kept allowing these people into his life. He and she finally resolved it among themselves and he forgave her and they have a good relationship now.

 

Maybe you're so angry still because part of it is unresolved unfaced anger at your mother for having put you through that with her choice in men.

 

Nope. My mother was the innocent. She has never cheated. Heck a lot of times I wonder why she would prefer to be single. She has never lived her life centered around a man and is the one who has taught me about right and wrong in a relationship and how to be the man I am today. I am one of the most loving people and am willing to forgive. And I have forgiven them, but just because I forgive them does not mean I have to care about them as far as wanting to have contact with them or make any effort to have them in my life. She tought me I have no right to lie and cheat on those I love, because I would not want them to do that to me. As a matter of fact, all the women in my life have been nothing but good examples of how I should be as a husband and the type of wife I should want.

 

 

DNR

[InLimbo2]

religious justification for murder

guns

stoning

childish 'pranks'

 

scary, very scary

 

hey, did you hear - they recently stoned a 13yo rape victim to death for committing 'adultery'. They made a show of it - in a stadium - with 1000 spectators. But it was ok, their religion said so.

 

 

 

 

Don't need it. Cheating is wrong and those who engage in it and/or back it up is just as wrong. Not from just a religious perspective, but also a personal one that was even before I found out why adultry is such an abonimable act and why He allowed for the stoning of such people. The pain of adultry can last a life time and if the studies are right, most people who cheat are people who are from households where cheating was experienced. How many men and women kill each other because of adultry? These are all real outcomes from affairs, so it is not that I need help, I just don't take cheating as lightly as a lot of people do.

 

Again, I find it kind of funny from one who has been cheated on.

 

Oh, and I got my one of my ex's with one of my pranks. On her birthday and in front of her family, I presented pictures of her with another man. Boy did that make for a wonderful party when I left out. And she has not spoke to me sense, like I was hurt by that.

 

 

DNR

[InLimbo2]

Yep, she was the innocent in her marriages - but she failed to protect the most innocent and vulnerable - her child. Glad she taught you to not cheat, but if she's responsible for your beliefs that it's ok - or religiously justified - to use violence or the threat of it when faced with adultery, then she's failed you again.

 

 

Nope. My mother was the innocent. She has never cheated. Heck a lot of times I wonder why she would prefer to be single. She has never lived her life centered around a man and is the one who has taught me about right and wrong in a relationship and how to be the man I am today. I am one of the most loving people and am willing to forgive. And I have forgiven them, but just because I forgive them does not mean I have to care about them as far as wanting to have contact with them or make any effort to have them in my life. She tought me I have no right to lie and cheat on those I love, because I would not want them to do that to me. As a matter of fact, all the women in my life have been nothing but good examples of how I should be as a husband and the type of wife I should want.

 

 

DNR

[Dark-N-Romantic]

Your idea of a family is people that go around threatening to kill (or actually killing) people? The father in this little drama is as culpable as the poster - so the son should be applauded and encouraged to threaten or kill the father too? That's your idea of family?

 

Funny, my idea of family is people who act their age and work out their problem or end the pairing, make members take responsibility for their own actions, don't use threats of violence, and love and respect each other.

 

Silly me!

 

Of course he should. The man is causing harm. And he sees him as a killer to something important to him. So, yes, he is bold and honorable for standing up for what is right. And yes I do consider that family.

 

Family do whatever is necessary to protect the ones they love. And if it sometimes mean threating or taking someone's life that is a threat, then one has to do what one has to do. Question for you, if someone you conssived as a threat to you, your siblings, or your parents, would you not threaten them to stay away?

 

Now what you do with your family is what you do. If you don't think a kid should go around threatening those who threaten the peace and sanctity of your household, that's fine and your opinion. But, me and my family have our own way that has worked out for years. Even my blood uncle got his butt threated by his own family when he hit and cheated on my aunty, rest assured, he only did those things once and they lived happily until he died in 2001.

 

 

DNR

[Dark-N-Romantic]

Yep, she was the innocent in her marriages - but she failed to protect the most innocent and vulnerable - her child. Glad she taught you to not cheat, but if she's responsible for your beliefs that it's ok - or religiously justified - to use violence or the threat of it when faced with adultery, then she's failed you again.

 

Read the Bible my friend. God allowed the Children of Isreal to slay adulterers. While slaying them is an option still justified today, it is not a bad thing to threaten those who threaten you. There is a time for war and there is a time for peace. Now my mother never preached violence, but she has said that we each do what we must and that in the end, it is God who we have to make that peace with.

 

She did not fail to protect us. First and foremost, the reason why she never married my dad was because not only did he cheat on her, but he stepped out on me when I was about two and my brother was unborn. What was she suppose to do? Chase him down and force him to marry her? She married my stepfather because he portrayed one face before he was married and then another one afterwards. So, yeah, where there is deception it is not the person's fault.

 

 

DNR

[InLimbo2]

Of course he should. The man is causing harm. And he sees him as a killer to something important to him. So, yes, he is bold and honorable for standing up for what is right. And yes I do consider that family.

 

Family do whatever is necessary to protect the ones they love. And if it sometimes mean threating or taking someone's life that is a threat, then one has to do what one has to do.

 

That is both physiologically unstable and illegal. Standing up for what you think is right is one thing, speaking your piece, trying to influence outcomes, etc - but threatening with a gun because some other person is dippin their wick or opening their legs? Not a chance. How bout it's a personal matter between a husband and wife. How bout the person doin those things is not worth goin to jail for?

 

Question for you, if someone you conssived as a threat to you, your siblings, or your parents, would you not threaten them to stay away?

 

If they were threatening my life, or the life of my family, I'd blow them away in a heartbeat. If my daughter's boyfriend was cheatin on her, I'd tell her to dump the guy, I wouldn't threaten to kill him.

 

 

Now what you do with your family is what you do. If you don't think a kid should go around threatening those who threaten the peace and sanctity of your household, that's fine and your opinion.

 

And thankfully my opinion is in synch with the rest of the civilized world and the laws of this country.

 

But, me and my family have our own way that has worked out for years. Even my blood uncle got his butt threated by his own family when he hit and cheated on my aunty, rest assured, he only did those things once and they lived happily until he died in 2001.

 

You lucked out - once - next time you may not be so lucky if you threatens someone's life and end up in jail - and rightfully so.

[InLimbo2]

Read the Bible my friend. God allowed the Children of Isreal to slay adulterers. While slaying them is an option still justified today, it is not a bad thing to threaten those who threaten you.

 

It's always a bad thing to threaten to kill anyone that hasn't threatened your life. This ain't biblical Israel and creating domestic drama and strife is not grounds for execution - no matter how you try to pretty it up or hide behind the Bible. Wasn't it also in the Bible that when in Rome you should do as the Romans do?

 

There is a time for war and there is a time for peace. Now my mother never preached violence, but she has said that we each do what we must and that in the end, it is God who we have to make that peace with.

 

War and peace? Sheesh - talk about blowing things out of proportion! Domestic drama is exactly what it is - if you can't work it out you part ways - like your parents did, and your mother/step-father did - you don't go around killin folks cuz your momma doesn't do it for him anymore or he can't keep it zipped up. I've been cheated on and I can tell you there ain't a man alive worth goin to jail for. She may have never specifically preached violence, but by not teaching you that violence is wrong unless faced with no other choice she preached it by omission, and silence, and tacit approval. How sad that she allowed her bad choices in men to effect the way you see the world and how to resolve painful issues so much. I am truly sorry.

 

 

She did not fail to protect us. First and foremost, the reason why she never married my dad was because not only did he cheat on her, but he stepped out on me when I was about two and my brother was unborn. What was she suppose to do? Chase him down and force him to marry her? She married my stepfather because he portrayed one face before he was married and then another one afterwards. So, yeah, where there is deception it is not the person's fault.

 

Your mother is the only constant in the whole thing - but she has no responsibility for her choice in men? Or your belief that it's ok to threaten violence and commit violence like you advocate? I've been married, and divorced, and I'm a single mom - and I learned to never ever bring anyone into my kids' lives until I was 100% sure of what kind of man he is - made that mistake one time years ago - never again. My kids despise their step-mother - she is truly an evil woman - and though she wasn't the reason my ex and I divorced - she has certainly caused tremendous pain to them and domestic strife and killed the peace and sanctity of their lives - but I would never ever advocate any kind of violence, much less deadly force to them. I raised my children to be better than that - to have more respect for themselves - to know that bad people's issues had to do with their own failings as people and weren't my children's issues. Not to mention - I'd be sittin in jail with them - for inciting murder.

[Dark-N-Romantic]

Of course you would say that Limbo and that's fine. But, I stand by my saying with conviction. And good on the kid. More families need to start putting their influence in where people are taking actions that are harmful to themselves and/or others and adultry has proven time and gain that it is a big danger to CIVILIZED people and has warrented the harsh attributions it recieves on all its levels.

 

 

DNR

[InLimbo2]

Sad, very sad - and very dangerous - hopefully you'll receive some help before you ever have children so you don't pass on to the next generation the belief that it's ok to murder people because you don't approve of who they are sleeping with.

 

Of course you would say that Limbo and that's fine. But, I stand by my saying with conviction. And good on the kid. More families need to start putting their influence in where people are taking actions that are harmful to themselves and/or others and adultry has proven time and gain that it is a big danger to CIVILIZED people and has warrented the harsh attributions it recieves on all its levels.

 

 

DNR

[Dark-N-Romantic]

But, to be honest, kicking both of there butts would be the last thing for me. I personally prefer being truthful about things. So, I would probably get pictures and audio and video of my spouse/partner in the act. One day have a party, invite some of our friends and family over. And as the party is starting to get good, show the video or display the pictures, or play the audio for all to know the truth and then, I'd leave.

 

Sometimes confronting one's actions before friends and family can be more harmful than a ass kicking. I know my the one ex I did that two will never forget me. And the last time I saw her mother she saids she was shocked I would do something like that, she would not have expected something like that from someone so kind and quiet like me. But, she also said she understood why I did it and that her daughter has never done anything like that to any of her other boyfriends and that she has been happily married for like 10 years or so with three kids. So, think me sick all you want, but from the things I have read from cheaters and the other persons, and the betrayed, if it was not for the sever actions of someone else, they would not have changed their ways. And if at least one is willing to change, then that is great by me.

 

 

DNR

[InLimbo2]

Childish and vengeful - with no other purpose than to hurt another person more than they hurt you - a sign of someone consumed by anger and pain, not a healthy person walking away from a bad relationship. Doesn't the bible you like to refer to also say that vengeance and judgment belong only to the Lord?

 

Just because she never cheated on anyone else doesn't mean that it was because of what you did - perhaps she cheated on you because she felt you were emotionally immature, full of unresolved anger and pain. Doesn't excuse her cheating, but might be a closer to accurate explanation.

 

If I witnessed such a thing, I would believe it said way more about the man/woman who did such a thing as you did - and if it was a friend or family member who it was done to I would be grateful they were away from someone with so many unresolved dangerous issues.

 

We all have revenge fantasies - most of us are mature and rational enough to not follow through on them as they really just hurt us and make us look like unstable crazies in the end.

 

Confronting a cheater? no problem Putting a foot down that it's not acceptable? no problem Throwing them out of the house for it? no problem Being shunned by friends/family? no problem Beating them up? no way, not only illegal but shows a lack of maturity and judgement. Threatening to kill them or actually doing it? not only illegal, but very very scary - this is why folks get guns and restraining orders No matter how you try to justify it, death is not the penalty for adultery. If I met a man who thought that was acceptable, I'd run for the hills - as any smart woman would do.

 

 

But, to be honest, kicking both of there butts would be the last thing for me. I personally prefer being truthful about things. So, I would probably get pictures and audio and video of my spouse/partner in the act. One day have a party, invite some of our friends and family over. And as the party is starting to get good, show the video or display the pictures, or play the audio for all to know the truth and then, I'd leave.

 

Sometimes confronting one's actions before friends and family can be more harmful than a ass kicking. I know my the one ex I did that two will never forget me. And the last time I saw her mother she saids she was shocked I would do something like that, she would not have expected something like that from someone so kind and quiet like me. But, she also said she understood why I did it and that her daughter has never done anything like that to any of her other boyfriends and that she has been happily married for like 10 years or so with three kids. So, think me sick all you want, but from the things I have read from cheaters and the other persons, and the betrayed, if it was not for the sever actions of someone else, they would not have changed their ways. And if at least one is willing to change, then that is great by me.

 

 

DNR

[Dark-N-Romantic]

Limbo... I heard you talk about my mother, my sanity (which by the way doctors find nothing wrong with it and I HAVE told them about some of the stunts I pulled to receive justice for a wrong done unto me, and they say just as long as I did not go over the top or cross the lines of breaking the law, I am okay), and I hear you think I am immature (which is far from the truth, as a matter of fact, I am told I take things too seriously by friends and family and others who truly know and understand me). So, you loose on that case. And the reason why my girlfriend cheated was because she was the one who was immature. She decided that she wanted to make fun of me in front of her friends. And then, beg me to say something mean back. I refused until she started getting all huffy and mad, so I said to words that popped into my head, "hippo hips." She asked for it and she got it. And that started her downward tumble. So, be careful what you do and what you wish for, sometimes it comes back in ways you least expect it.

 

Now a few questions for you... What excuse or reason did your ex-husband give for cheating on you? And why are you divorced now? What is wrong with you that your husband or anyone would want to hurt you like he did?

 

Huh, illegal, I beg to differ. A man shot to death a 18 your old boy who was carrying on an affair with his wife. He only got two years for negligent use of his weapon. A man who shot the lover of his wife got no time at all. A man in the Marine Corps who ran his sword through his wife and her lover while they were in bed, got off scott free. And most judges and cops by records don't trouble a person who assualted someone who did harm to someone who was having an affair with their wife. It is only if the crime is over the top is anything really done. And that's from studies. So, is really a lack of matury to assault those who are doing harm to you, even if it is through a third party act? Is revealing the truth and putting the spotlight on the evils that are done in the dark illegal or childish? If so, then you best to start with the one who has NO tolerance for adultry, God.

 

 

DNR