Real Change or more BS?

[ShamrockFaerie]

Hi, I'm new here and wanted to share my story and ask a question. My husband and I have been married for 2 and a half years, together for 6 years. We share 2 young daughters ages 10 months and 2 years. My husband grew up in foster care and was abused as a child. He has alot of emotional problems, and through the years those problems have manifested themselves in the form of verbal abuse. I recently decided that the situation was bad enough that I needed to go ahead and swear out a protective order and force my husband to leave the home. He was arrested for assault and battery and taken away.

 

Since that day, my husband seems to have made a miraculous change. He has humbly admitted that he was out of line without any caveats or "buts"... And he has appologized for each abusive behavior in detail without being prompted. He has made significant efforts to get enrolled in a counseling program and is waiting for a call back to schedule an appointment. He has not asked to reconcile. He has not demanded my forgiveness or asked for my help. He has not made promises or offered gifts to placate me. He has listened to every criticism I have had and he has not tried to blame me or ridicule my feelings. He has even repeatedly said that he would like to attend church again. He seems to be very serious about wanting to change and committed to the long process.

 

Unfortunately, every time I try to find information on change rates for abusers, I get the same answer.... Abusers don't change.... They just learn new tactics. As a Christian, I find that hard to accept, because the Bible teaches us that ALL people are capable of repentance and worthy of forgiveness. So God tells me that my husband CAN change if he wants to, but it seems like all of the "experts" I've talked to say no.... So I'm very confused. I've been through break-ups and reconciliations with my husband over this issue before, and I have learned alot of lessons the hard way. I've learned about the insincere appologies and the fake pleas for help. I've learned about the charming smooth talking. I've learned about the unkept promises and the excuses. None of that seems to be happening this time. Of course, I've never had him arrested before, and I was always the one to leave the home before. I'm wondering if it's possible that this latest episode has really opened his eyes. I'm wondering if I should open my mind to the possibility that he is serious about change? I'm wondering if I'd be a fool to believe my own eyes? I'm wondering if God is right or if the "experts" are right? CAN an abusive partner change? Is the fact that he has accepted responsibility an indicator of potential change? And IF he does make a change, is there any possibility that our family could reconcile in time?

 

Like I said, he has not asked to reconcile, and I think if he did at this point, I'd run for the hills. But I can't help but hope that one day we'll be able to re-unite as a family. I just want to know if that's truly possible. Any input would be helpful. THANKS!