Why can't I figure this out?

[JGT]

Hi, I'm hoping someone here can figure this out. It's been driving me crazy.

 

The story so far:

 

A little over two years ago I was working for this company and while there I met this girl who worked there and immediately had a crush on. However I was in a relationship at the time so nothing came of it and she started dating another co-worker.

 

Well, time came and went and we were all laid off and I didn't see her or her boyfriend until we went to a mutual friends wedding. She had me meet at her house and we drove to the wedding together where we met the boyfriend. I could tell something was going on at that point, but again nothing happened.

 

It was actually that night that I started dating my last ex-girlfriend. Again at that point I fell out of contact with her until last Dec when the four of us went to a concert and then afterwords they came over to our apartment. The ex got way out of hand afterwards saying me and this girl should run off and get married.

 

Last April the relationship ended and just before the end I started talking with this girl again. She helped me through my doomed relationship and I helped her through hers.

 

There were also many text and email conversations where she would say things like "I wish I was making you dinner and not him"

 

We also started hanging out about once a week. One of the nights that stands out is a night at the bar right after my breakup. We were quite drunk and we got to talking about how we met. She told me about how when me and her boyfriend started working there (we started the same day) that she had told her friend she was glad there were some cute boys working there. And she also said she has since told her friend "she chose the wrong one". We also talked about how we both needed to find new apartments and/or roomates. She said we could never be just roomates and doesn't want to get stuck in that situation.

 

Our hanging out continued all summer while she was still in the relationship. Finally last month she breaks up with him and moves out.

 

And this is where it gets interesting.

 

Since her break up the flirting has seemed to increase, as has the physicality. There has been no hand holding or kissing. But for example when sitting it is extremely close, hugs goodbye have become more lingering. Heads have been put on shoulders and hands on hips. Things have been said drunkenly (Her: I liked meeting your mum, I want to meet the rest of your family. Her: You couldn't survive without me, you'd be on my front door step asking if we could get a dog.)

 

She has also become very caring (we joke that she is acting like a mum). Last weekend when I was sick she bought stuff for me from the store and came over and visited with me even though she didn't have to.

 

And rereading this now, I can't think but to say "damn, she does like me." But for some reason I think maybe she doesn't, maybe this is just how she is to her friends.

 

Am I crazy?

 

Any questions, comments, suggestions?

[Green]

You just might be insane but go ahead and make some bold move that will once and for all settle this, ur just afraid of getting rejected

[JGT]

Thanks for the advice KMT. I saw your post before I went to work this afternoon and have been thinking it over. Its not rejection that I'm scared of. Ok, maybe rejection a little bit.

 

My main fear is myself. I am by nature a bit of a **** up. I've sabotaged every relationship I've ever been in. Cheating, lying, bailing as soon as it is getting serious, I've done it all. I never fully commit to anything because deep down I know I'll just destroy it. Sometime long ago I put my walls up and decided I wouldn't let anybody in so I wouldn't be hurting when I sent everything to ****.

 

Now, here I am with somebody that for some reason I want to let in. But, I am scared that if I do, I will strike again and be left hurting.

 

Wow, I wish I could afford therapy it sounds like I have some issues to work through. lol

[4givrnt4gtr]

 

Wow, I wish I could afford therapy it sounds like I have some issues to work through. lol

 

Look up a university that offers a clinical psychology doctoral or masters (marriage and family therapy) program. The students have to do supervised counseling hours in order to graduate. These sessions are a helluva lot cheaper than regular session ($15 dollars per session at my university...depending on your income) AND they are very well done since they are supervised and the students are doing their best to learn the techniques.

I was skeptical of it since i felt these students had no idea what they were doing but after a few session, i was very impressed.

Give it a try!