AngelinaS Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 My boy friend and I live in the same city. 15 minutes drive between both our places and we both work at the same place. We have a 3 day long weekend. He did not call me even once during the 3 day weekend. This is always the case with holidays. If there is no work, there is absolutey no communication. Sometimes he calls but says called because otherwise i would get upset that he didn't call and that it will affect work. BTW, I work in his office. Is this normal? Am I unnecessarily suspecting him of not loving me? Tomorrrow we have to meet as there is work again tomorrow. How do I handle the situation of him not calling me? Just ignore...? Coz if I ask, it will turn out to be a big fight and he will still not call next weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 It is unusual. Do you two have dates outside of work, during the week? If not, why is he calling you his "girlfriend"? If you do decide to talk with him, it doesn't HAVE to end in a fight. I wouldn't be asking anything, as much as telling: "Hey Bud, this ain't working for me. We need to resolve it, or I need to find myself a boyfriend who will want to spend time with me on weekends and holidays." There is no room for arguing, in something like that. And then dump his sorry ass if he can't give you what you want and deserve -- a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelinaS Posted October 28, 2008 Author Share Posted October 28, 2008 Thanks Ronni, No we don't go out on week days either. We just work together sometimes. That's all. Yes, If I try to tell him that, he says he is under pressures and that i am not understanding him. Is it still not normal if he is in a financial mess? Can't he atleast share his problems? Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 No we don't go out on week days either. We just work together sometimes. That's all. Angelina, If I'm understanding correctly, you guys don't date AT ALL. If that's correct, why do you consider this guy to be your "boyfriend", and you his "girlfriend"? Honestly, it sounds like nothing more than a workplace friendship, that's all. No matter what he has said to you, and even if you do kiss and grope each other in the copy-room (or wherever)...that is NOT enough by a long shot, to call it a romantic relationship. EDIT: I just realized this is in the 'cheating, flirting, jealousy' section -- how is your situation related to this forum? Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 I'm also curious why you believe you are having a relationship with this guy. You've never been invited to his house and he only contacts you outside of work because he doesn't want you to complain. He sounds as if he has something or someone he's hiding; at best he's just wanting to mix in a little pleasure at the business and leave it at that. He doesn't want an actual relationship with you; strangely, he doesn't even want to schedule an appointment with you to hook up outside of work. Stop 'seeing' him at work and avoid his contacts towards you. Or if you have to know where he stands, tell him you want an actual relationship with him (one where you go on dates and enjoy spending some free time together) and ask if he agrees. I think you're going to hear a lot more vague excuses about his being under 'pressure'; you should take this as your permanent exit cue. Another good reason not to get involved with coworkers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelinaS Posted October 28, 2008 Author Share Posted October 28, 2008 Cud be. He promised to marry me though. The reason i have put it here is just wondering if this behavior cud be due to cheating or something like that. Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 AngelinaS, I read the other thread that you posted. This has apparently been going on for two years; he still keeps your relationship a secret from your coworkers, his family and friends. If he truly wanted to marry you, wouldn't he introduce you to his family? He'd want people to know that he was in a relationship with you and that he wanted to marry you. Someone who legitimately wants to be in a relationship with you would not behave this way. It's possible that he is already married, or engaged to another woman that you have no knowledge about (as he won't spend any time with you off work). Even if there is not a wife/girlfriend, his behavior towards you means that the relationship doesn't have the significance in his life that it does for you; expect more of the same behavior or end the relationship with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelinaS Posted October 29, 2008 Author Share Posted October 29, 2008 Thanks O'Malley, today i went to work after 3 days of no contact from him. All he asked me was about the deadlines and saw him being close to another girl. He was very nice wth her. All i got was deadlines and cursed me about deadlines. That's all. Nothing else. I questioned him in the evening. I thot of ignoring but cudn't. He says nonsense that i am trying to send that girl out of the office and hence blaming him on that etc...etc...BTW, he told in front of me to a HR consulting company that 'he has all positions open except for his recruiter' who is the girl in question here that he is close to. We broke up. I think we are not going anywhere with this. Atleast he will be happy with her. It hurts deeply. I feel cheated but i will get over this. Yes, when Ronnie questioned me why do i think I am dating him, it has striked...That's the right question actually. I was being stupid. It hurts deeply. We are through. But I will get over this. Thank you for all your support. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelinaS Posted October 30, 2008 Author Share Posted October 30, 2008 hi guys, he is texting me and telling me that i am being unfair and that i shud be back to work. he says he has always given me value what do i do? Link to post Share on other sites
zicke Posted October 30, 2008 Share Posted October 30, 2008 Angelina you should ignore him--he is not your boyfriend. He is some guy you work with who is now missing the attention. Have a spine and some self-esteem and realize that this guy never had any intention of moving things with you forward. I mean, you have never been on a date with him--in two years??? Is that what I am seeing? What could you possibly miss about him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelinaS Posted October 31, 2008 Author Share Posted October 31, 2008 hey Zickey, Thank you. True. He is anyway saying that he has had enough with me and that he is not sure why he brought me back to office earlier when i have quit and that i shud not be trusted etc. No it is not because of the attention that he is missing. It's his company and I do lot of work there. Probably due to that. Earlier i have questioned him about the interest that he is showing on getting beautiful girls and i have also questioned when he had all tensions how come he is normal with other girls etc. Same issue popped up the other day also. He didn't talk to me for 3 days over the weekend and when we are back at work, he just asked me about deadlines and did not talk to me that whole day but was close to some other girl. I was feeling since there was no communication for 3 days, atleast i wished he missed me and would talk to me well. So I asked him, how come he has time for other girls. He says i am assassinating his character etc etc. I know it should not hurt as there was no dating as such. But it hurts for some reason. I believe that could be due to the fact that i have imagined my future with him. I don't see any life beyond him. Probably some people are not blessed with love. Will get used to it. God...I shudn't have trusted him. Link to post Share on other sites
Zorie Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I don't see any life beyond him. Probably some people are not blessed with love. Will get used to it. God...I shudn't have trusted him. Sounds like your got in over your head with your emotions with this guy and it also sounds like he was probably dating other women during the time you thought you were dating him. Hes not worth it and everyone deserves to be blessed with love but love from someone who will reciprocate. Did I understand correctly did you quit your job with him? If not best to try to have as little contact with him as possible. Do you think life with a man like that could truly make you happy? Wouldn't it be better to have someone in your life that wants to spend time with you and share thier life with you? Only time will help you get through this. If you can try to focus on other positive things in your life yourself, family friends anything to keep your mind off that jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelinaS Posted November 1, 2008 Author Share Posted November 1, 2008 Yes. That cud be true. Otherwise when he spoke to me yesterday there was not even a dash of sadness. He was very careless.Yes. I have quit the job. Thank you for your support Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted November 1, 2008 Share Posted November 1, 2008 Angelina, I'm sorry you're going through this. It sucks that you had to quit your job but, for what it's worth, I do think that was a very wise and courageous thing to do -- you need to get distance from this guy cos it just seems that he really doesn't care to treat you properly. You do deserve better. Sending comfort and hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelinaS Posted November 19, 2008 Author Share Posted November 19, 2008 Hi guys, You were all right. I came to know that this guy's marriage is settled.That could probably be the reason for his behavior of his. I was told by a mutual friend who came to know about this through someone. I don't think it would have been settled in these 20 days. It must have been settled even before that. That's why he made sure and acted in a way where I will way. I don't think there is justice in this world. It feels very painful. Help me get through this please. Do these guys don't have any emotions? He just played with me for work. It's disgusting. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 Hugs, Angelina. I'm sorry that you got played by someone who is married -- he obviously took advantage of your willingness to believe him. You didn't deserve that. Your good news is, of course, that you have now gotten yourself out of harm's way. You took care of your own needs and, even though it is painful right now, that was the best thing you could have done for yourself. If you are struggling, may I suggest you post in the 'coping' forum -- you are likely to get more support there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelinaS Posted December 6, 2008 Author Share Posted December 6, 2008 Hi Ronni, No he was not married. What I meant by marriage settled is...I came to know that his marriage with another girl has been fixed. Probably due to that he got rid of me in every way. Yesterday he got engaged to her and on 21st he is getting married. God, this hurts. He told our common friend not to tell me about his engagement as he is afraid i may mess it up. I can't believe he is such a crook. For some reason it is hurting alot. As we have common friends they keep telling me about his engagement party, his fiancee etc. I have nothing against her but i am feel i am just burning from inside. I am very depressed. If i see a married couple, I feel he wil be happy with her that way and I am left alone and cheated. If i see kids, I feel he will also have kids and he will be happy where as I am left high and dry. As I worked in his office he is not giving me any relieving letter, experience letter etc. There are many pending payments that are due too. These are all not the problems. I can build my career all over again though major portion of my life has been wasted there. I worked for him for 6 years and I am 35 now. I just wish God makes me more stronger so that when I don't keep thinking, how come I got cheated this way...do i deserve this...why did this happen to me and such stuff and i keep thinking about him and his fiancee. I just wish he doesn't affect me anymore. I just wish even if I see them both happy and together it doesn't affect me. I don't know. I am already a divorcee. Again this has happened. Why is all this happening to me only. Am I choosing the wrong guys? Or could there be something wrong with me? Angelina Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted December 6, 2008 Share Posted December 6, 2008 Angelina, No, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. If you're feeling that you make unwise choices when it comes to guys, then maybe you'd want to explore all of that with a therapist -- with ultimate goal of learning to love yourself, forgive any past mistakes and, of course, make better "guy" choices in the future. In terms of your past employment, have you considered going through your Labour/Employment office to receive your back wages? Or hiring an attorney to send a request for your pay and testimonal/letter of reference? I suspect this jerk will not want any legal trouble, and will comply with all the employment standards once he is contacted by an appropriate authority. At the end, you deserve MUCH better than this guy -- I sort of feel sorry for that poor girl who is going to marry him...she might think that she's getting some dream of a guy but, honestly, he doesn't sound like that to me. Hugs and best of luck, Ronni Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelinaS Posted December 6, 2008 Author Share Posted December 6, 2008 Hi Ronni, As per your suggestion I have posted this thread in coping forum. Please see the link below. Appreciate your support. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1948279&posted=1#post1948279 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelinaS Posted December 8, 2008 Author Share Posted December 8, 2008 Hi Ronni, Please check the thread posted in Coping and please reply and help. Link to post Share on other sites
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