I can't get over my ex girlfriend of a year

[Jamez123]

I can't get over my ex girlfriend of a year, whatsoever. In fact each morning , i get a new memory of us two together, in love. It's only been a month since she dumped me and i must admit, it's gotten easier, however at the same time the pain comes back every so often and it's even more terrible each time. I pine for her more all the time and as happy memories come back to haunt me, the memories of us falling out and getting on each others nerves dissapear, and she seems more perfect each time i see and hear from her. I'm constantly asking myself tons of questions such as 'will she ever come back to me? Surely she will' , 'has she found someone else?' , 'will she find someone else soon?', etc, etc. What's even harder though is that she loved me so much and told me how she needed me all the time and that i was her world, etc. As if it was meant to be. I just don't know what to do, i find it so hard to move on as she was basically all i had in my life. I don't really have real friends at all, i met her over myspace and now it's ended and she seems so adament that we'll never get back together, i feel so lonely and depressed. I was stupid during the relationship because i was judgemental, opinionated and hypocritical of people and her interests which really really annoyed her - i wasn't all the time but still, i promised i would change and i didn't. Now she seems completely over me, but i've definiately changed and she's noticed, yet she still says; 'It's not going to bring us back together'. I'm just so confused that she's the complete opposite of how she once was.

[lofi_tokyo]

I can't get over my ex girlfriend of a year, whatsoever. In fact each morning , i get a new memory of us two together, in love. It's only been a month since she dumped me and i must admit, it's gotten easier, however at the same time the pain comes back every so often and it's even more terrible each time. I pine for her more all the time and as happy memories come back to haunt me, the memories of us falling out and getting on each others nerves dissapear, and she seems more perfect each time i see and hear from her. I'm constantly asking myself tons of questions such as 'will she ever come back to me? Surely she will' , 'has she found someone else?' , 'will she find someone else soon?', etc, etc. What's even harder though is that she loved me so much and told me how she needed me all the time and that i was her world, etc. As if it was meant to be. I just don't know what to do, i find it so hard to move on as she was basically all i had in my life. I don't really have real friends at all, i met her over myspace and now it's ended and she seems so adament that we'll never get back together, i feel so lonely and depressed. I was stupid during the relationship because i was judgemental, opinionated and hypocritical of people and her interests which really really annoyed her - i wasn't all the time but still, i promised i would change and i didn't. Now she seems completely over me, but i've definiately changed and she's noticed, yet she still says; 'It's not going to bring us back together'. I'm just so confused that she's the complete opposite of how she once was.

 

Its only been a month, give it time. At a month after the breakup, I was still feeling VERY raw about things. Even at two months (thats where I'm at), things still hurt once a day probably BUT! I am a hell of a lot better off than a month ago.

 

My suggestion is actively seek to ignore good memories of her. Put some other cute girl you've seen/met lately in her place. It feels awkward as hell, but eventually it starts working and sooner or later you stop having those memories all together.

 

That isnt to say good memories need to be put away forever, but until you're over her, its best to keep away from them.

 

Personally, each time I imagine my ex hugging me, smiling with me, or whatever I kick him in the face or punch him (in my mind) hahaha so embarrassing to admit, but I really do mentally push him away. He still creeps in unexpectedly on me, but overall, this technique has really helped me like... not want him around anymore, which feels good.

 

With regards to you saying you've changed and she sees it - the problem is change takes a LONG time to set in. She probably does not trust you to remain a changed man for her. Furthermore, when someone changes for YOU, it feels weird! You feel dirty for making them change who they are, as you should. Its only when you personally change for yourself, and not your ex, that your change would make her feel less awkward and unwanting to go back to you.

 

Furthermore, you only get to make a first impression once.

For a very long time, until nostalgia does its part and begins glossing over your past with her, shes going to remember the bad parts of you, and why you broke up. The feelings are still fresh. Even if you have changed, she probably does not trust you to be who she needs you to be. Shes done. Now, maybe years from now, when as I've said, nostalgia wins out, she will have softened towards you. Until then, you must recover, and be your own person, change for yourself. Only then will she become more receptive!

[Jamez123]

yeah you're so right tokyovogue. I mean i did tell her that i've changed, not just for her but for myself and everybody else and i really really do mean that, i haven't just changed in order to try and get her back - i was trying my hardest to change whilst we were going out anyway, but unfortunatly i left it too late. Before i met her and for the first half, i wasn't judgemental, opinionated or anything and we got on so unbelievably well. And all because i was none of them, i know it. We are having a no contact thing though at the moment, so i can't reallly show her i've changed by doing that. But do you think it's wise to maybe wait for her to contact, or me contact her in a couple of months? And are you wanting to get back with your ex eventually? Or do you just completely want to move on?

[lofi_tokyo]

Don't wait at all. Don't wait for her to contact you, don't wait to contact her. Waiting is bad because its not moving on, its standing in one place.

 

I know a few people who are happily married/engaged that are second chance relationships but in all three, the couples did not talk for YEARS, they dated other people, did other things, and eventually got back together. One of these couples has been married 25+yrs, another just engaged, and the other just married.

 

The key thing here is - they honest to god got over their ex's and moved on. My bestfriend who just got engaged to her ex from about 5 years ago sincerely did not even think about him for ages. They did not talk for two years, and when they did talk it was about once a year just saying hi randomly.

 

If you wait, you're not getting over her. The reality is you getting her back is probably 1/10000. But, if you actually want her back in the long term ,you need to get over her, and maybe you can be that person. Sounds backwards but I believe it to be true.

 

So no waiting anymore. Move on. Its ****ing hard, but do it, even if it kills you to do so.

 

As for me, I want to completely move on. I want to move on so I can fall in love with a new guy, and find out if my ex was really worth pining over for so long (which I already have a feeling - he wasnt ;p). Right now it seems hard, but there is nothing wrong with finding new love. It seems impossible to you now maybe, but trust me it will happen.

 

That 1/10000 chance isn't just because the dumper never comes back, its also because the dumpee finds someone they would rather date, people grow apart, move on, and are perfectly happy doing so!

[maxmuscle]

Jamez,

 

The very same thing happen to me once. Not to go into detail about me because this is about your post. After the dust settles, she will reflect back on the relationship. I am sure it was some very good moment you shared with her. And she will see that. Are those moments powerful enough to have her call and discuss reconciliation? Only time will tell. Continue to better yourself every way possible. Learn from your flaws and have courage to step into the future....

[alwayssme]

I can't get over my ex girlfriend of a year, whatsoever. In fact each morning , i get a new memory of us two together, in love. It's only been a month since she dumped me and i must admit, it's gotten easier, however at the same time the pain comes back every so often and it's even more terrible each time. I pine for her more all the time and as happy memories come back to haunt me, the memories of us falling out and getting on each others nerves dissapear, and she seems more perfect each time i see and hear from her. I'm constantly asking myself tons of questions such as 'will she ever come back to me? Surely she will' , 'has she found someone else?' , 'will she find someone else soon?', etc, etc. What's even harder though is that she loved me so much and told me how she needed me all the time and that i was her world, etc. As if it was meant to be. I just don't know what to do, i find it so hard to move on as she was basically all i had in my life. I don't really have real friends at all, i met her over myspace and now it's ended and she seems so adament that we'll never get back together, i feel so lonely and depressed. I was stupid during the relationship because i was judgemental, opinionated and hypocritical of people and her interests which really really annoyed her - i wasn't all the time but still, i promised i would change and i didn't. Now she seems completely over me, but i've definiately changed and she's noticed, yet she still says; 'It's not going to bring us back together'. I'm just so confused that she's the complete opposite of how she once was.

 

 

aww i know how you feel but we cannot control other people

[Jamez123]

Thanks very much maxmuscle that was spoken like a true poet And that's EXACTLY what i intend to do, and it's making me get over her quite quickly to be honest aswell.