Is this normal?

[Tegan]

Hi, I'm new here.

 

Since I just signed up I'll just give the quick details -- been with my boyfriend for 3.5 months now, 6 weeks together and the rest LDR, going to be back together again in around 7 weeks, so I know it's nice and short compared to some of you (though it still feels like ages.) We're split up by 6600 miles right now, and when I come home we'll be together for a little over a month in the same city, then I'll be 2 hours away again for 3 days out of the week (not that bad really in comparison.)

 

Basically we both got into the relationship expecting it to be a fling, and it felt that way to both of us for about... 3 weeks or so. Neither of us admitted until after I left that it had become something huge to us. I could barely stand to be apart from him after I left -- it was like leaving oxygen. (I know I sound dramatic...) I'd never felt that way before. We both felt weird that the relationship had moved so fast, but went with it and made a commitment to stay together (when I had left we were going to try to break up.)

 

Now we talk everyday anywhere from 30 mins to 4 hours. Somedays we have interesting conversations, someday steamy ones:), and somedays just boring nothing-to-say ones.

 

Anyway, my basic problem is that lately I've found myself questioning the relationship. I wonder if I really actually LIKE him, or if it was just something else sustaining it... He's begun thinking more long-term, and I just can't really do the same. (Although admittedly, I'm still young at 19 years old, he's 20 by the way.)

 

I want to know if this is 'losing interest', or just regular LDR stuff. Like, I'm still happy talking to him, and I'd rather not break up with him, but I just don't get the 'flutters' the way I used to, nor do I miss him constantly like I did in the beginning. Really, I'm afraid of leading him on if this is just a regular case of losing interest, and not something that will be cured by me returning home in a little over a month.

 

Any advice? (Thanks in advance for reading this long woman-written problem.)

 

--Tegan

[Maggs]

I don't think you're losing interest. I think it's just a routine you get into with an LDR. I miss my BF tremendously for the first couple of weeks after he leaves, but then you get settled into the reality that you won't see each other for a few weeks or months and you each do your own thing--jobs, seeing friends and family but still talk all the time and still love each other. I'm actually glad for it. I couldn't handle missing him and crying everyday. It's a wasted effort. I'm glad to be busy and not sitting around and being miserable.

[Island Girl]

I seem to remember a transition period when we first went LD. I think it is perfectly normal considering the dynamics of the relationship change.

 

When I think of my husband now, I do not get "twitter-pated" of the butterflies, etc. It is a comforting feeling to know we are together in heart and spirit. That there IS a special someone - The One - I am certain of more than anything in life.

 

Our talks are usually lovey dovey as well as informational about goings on here and there. Sometimes they are bad conversations - I mean we do have disagreements just like anybody. But there is an underlying security that is ALWAYS there. Even when we are fighting there is no concern over breaking up or even thoughts of it. We are just way past that. Both of us have continued to invest so much and we have been through such tough stuff niether one of us would abandon our commitment now.

 

I think the most important thing is not losing sight of how you are together, the magic so to speak, and why you care about that person especially the differences you see in him from what you see all around you.

 

I hope that makes sense! And I hope it helps.