No reply from FWB

[mishy]

I had a fwb for a year. With very much more emphasis on the benefits , not much friendship. he always kept me at an arms distance. Took me for granted, there was never a threat from another guy the whole year.

 

. Once he got a bit jealous when I accidentally sent a text for another guy with the same name to him. That caused him to stay the whole night (shock horror, had never slept over)

 

I got sick of the cr@p last week , met someone else, and emailed him telling him, its over, that I want more and thats why im seeing someone else now.. Theres been no reply.

 

What does this mean? No reply???

[mishy]

I only sent the email yesterday, he would have read it today. I wasnt angry just factual.

[2sunny]

my guess is he took it at face value. men are that way.

 

you say no more - they say hmmmm, ok. they don't generally read into things as much as women, especially if they have kept their emotions at bay.

 

what was your interaction like socially for the year that you saw him? did you chat much or not really get to know each other?

 

how much do you know about him? what is his general nature with you in the past - distant, closed, guarded, open, shares feelings or just plain neutral?

 

also, did he date anyone through the year that you were seeing him?

[mishy]

We basically had sex for a year lol, no social interaction, we were pure lovers. He didnt and hasnt had a girlfriend for a few years. he is divorced. He shared a bit with me, but mainly pillow talk. I fell in love with him. We had always met up at my place. I asked him last week (text msg) if we could meet at his place and he said he had other people living there. I was really insulted. After a year.

 

So because of this other guy being interested in me, i deciede enough is enough, he will never want me like i want him - like all of me. So i decided to pull the plug and sent an email saying that i would be seeing the other guy, and wont need to see him anymore for sex. Blunt, but anyway, thats how he views the relationship i spose.

[mishy]

I jhought he would reply with something. It means he really didnt care AT ALL. not even an "ok" or "thats cool" NOTHING

[2sunny]

you never asked him for a response... it was a statement you delivered to him. his response is appropriate = no response.

 

not only that but you delivered as a major blow to his ego... men are sensitive that way when the ego is involved - he's probably viewing it as "i don't want to respond to her for fear of more rejection and pain."

 

if she says it's over then it's over. it is what it is.

[mishy]

you never asked him for a response... it was a statement you delivered to him. his response is appropriate = no response.

 

not only that but you delivered as a major blow to his ego... men are sensitive that way when the ego is involved - he's probably viewing it as "i don't want to respond to her for fear of more rejection and pain."

 

if she says it's over then it's over. it is what it is.

 

 

How is it a major blow to his ego, when all he ever wanted was sex from me , nothing more? Shouldnt he be happy that Ive found someone who actually wants me as a whole person? Do you know what i mean? He made it clear over and over again, that all he wanted was "fun" (his words).

 

And now, getting no response not even "hope it works out" just hurts me even more.

 

Because he always said he only wanted fun, i assumed this news would have no effect on him.

[Jilly Bean]

I dont think it was a blow to his ego, but since youre relationship was pure sex, and you told him you have moved on to someone else, you dismissed him.

 

What kind of response were you hoping for? Sounds like you wanted him to make a stink.

 

But you're right about one thing -the news didn't have any affect on him.

 

So, good luck with the new dude!

[Island Girl]

We basically had sex for a year lol, no social interaction, we were pure lovers.

 

Your interactions were purely sexual and now you have said you will no longer have sex with him and have found a relationship (which he doesn't want) so he has no reason to contact you.

 

You state yourself that there was basically no social interaction. This to me would be more "F*ck Buddies" or sexual outlet only. Calling it FWB implies that you were/are indeed friends beyond having sex which is not the case is it?

 

I fell in love with him. We had always met up at my place. I asked him last week (text msg) if we could meet at his place and he said he had other people living there. I was really insulted. After a year.

 

Classic tale. FWB is always okay with the guy -- always. And the girl generally says it's okay with her too but the differences between the sexes causes the girl to attach feelings to sex and guys don't.

 

So because of this other guy being interested in me, i deciede enough is enough, he will never want me like i want him - like all of me. So i decided to pull the plug and sent an email saying that i would be seeing the other guy, and wont need to see him anymore for sex. Blunt, but anyway, thats how he views the relationship i spose.

 

You are correct and I am glad you are moving on to a relationship that is more fulfilling for you.

 

I jhought he would reply with something. It means he really didnt care AT ALL. not even an "ok" or "thats cool" NOTHING

 

No. He doesn't care. That is what FWB is. Sex without having to care or get wrapped up into feelings, etc. Men can do that quite well. Women not so much. I always wonder why it is such a surprise to a girl that the guy doesn't care about her like he would a girlfriend when that is the arrangement from the very beginning. ?

 

You aren't friends so from the other side why would he communicate with you? The agreement you had is over. It is like quitting a job or being fired from one. The communication stops as soon as it is done.

[Island Girl]

How is it a major blow to his ego, when all he ever wanted was sex from me , nothing more? Shouldnt he be happy that Ive found someone who actually wants me as a whole person? Do you know what i mean? He made it clear over and over again, that all he wanted was "fun" (his words).

 

He made it perfectly clear over and over that he was not getting involved. That he was not investing any emotion and that it was sex and that is all.

 

I am sure he cares if you live or die but that is about the extent of it. He doesn't care about your needs as a female - about any fulfillment, etc. or because if he did he would have to be emotionally involved at some level and he isn't nor will he ever be.

 

And now, getting no response not even "hope it works out" just hurts me even more.

 

Because he always said he only wanted fun, i assumed this news would have no effect on him.

 

It is having no effect. And if you assumed that then why are you bothered?

 

I think you wanted to be seen as somewhat valuable to him (which again requires caring on his part) and what is hurting you is your investment of your own emotions in the absolute wrong place. You fell in love even though the agreement was no emotions just sex. You changed your level of involvement even when he was telling you again and again not to.

 

Even now, all of the thought about him here is WAY more than he has thought about you. Men can do that. They can have sex with a woman and not give a sh*t about her. The amount of times doesn't change that. Length of time it goes on -- you said you have been involved for over a year -- that doesn't matter either.

 

You have a new man now and a chance to have a real relationship that DOES involve emotion on both sides. You should focus on that and just forget about this guy.

[mishy]

thanks for giving me the slap across the head.

[Island Girl]

thanks for giving me the slap across the head.

 

My intention was not to be mean so I do hope you do not take it that way.

 

It is just that men tend to say exactly what they mean and women try to read things into their actions or words -- things that really are not there.

 

It can be a hard lesson to learn but it is much harder and more painful if the lesson is never learned. Men are just different than women in a lot of respects. To a woman sex usually creates intimacy. To a man it can be just an action.

[Dumbledore]

He probably sees it as a transparent attempt to make him jealous.

[mishy]

great:mad:

[Dumbledore]

My intention was not to be mean

I don't think you have a mean bone in your body. Although, if you were craving that sort of thing, a friend with benefits might put a smile on your face.

[Mary3]

I really liked what Island Girl said and OP please read her advice over and over.

 

The more important matter is : You agreed to meaningless sex ( at least to him ) . How do you know you won't agree to it again ? With someone else ?

 

FWB is about disrespecting the female ( unless of course she is looking just for sex ) . But there is no * friends * in this arrangement. Its more about the great sex.

 

You agreed to be involved in this. You always wanted better. The guy was more than happy to use you sexually until you * woke up * and found someone else.

 

I would work on some ALONE time , not jumping from that to the new guy. Get right . Get healed and get strong. THEN start dating again.

 

I'm just curious how you * know * this new guy wants what you want ? You already talked about it ?

[SoulSearch_CO]

Ugh. I'm going to probably end up sounding a little cold in saying this, but I say it in YOUR best interest. Who cares? He obviously didn't care about you - who cares if he has commentary about what's going on in your personal life? I say good riddance - he obviously wasn't worth your time. I could never do FWB again unless I KNEW for a fact that there was zero chance whatsoever of getting romantically attached.

 

He was honest - it was about sex for him. OF COURSE he's not going to have anything to say to you when you say you're finished with what he wants. He sounds selfish - good luck with the new guy.

[mark982]

i just can't see how you can just jump from being in love w/ him(but he didn't love you), into a whole new relationship. don't get me wrong i'm not judging.

[Mary3]

i just can't see how you can just jump from being in love w/ him(but he didn't love you), into a whole new relationship. don't get me wrong i'm not judging.

 

Thats called Rebound....

[You'reasian]

FWB is about disrespecting the female ( unless of course she is looking just for sex ).

 

Do women go out purposely looking for sex? If so, does FWB in this case disrespect the male?

[Mary3]

Do women go out purposely looking for sex? If so' date=' does FWB in this case disrespect the male?[/quote']

 

Well there are cases where the male wants more and the female might just want the sex with no strings.

So my apologies for saying FWB only disrepects the female.

However on the whole , more FWBs are initiated by the male.

Usually a female being dumped in a desperate ploy will suggest FWB because she still wants the closeness.

[You'reasian]

Seeing that the majority of FWB cases are disrespecting females, why do females get involved with such arrangements in the first place?

 

I would ask for a female's explanation, but in this case, I'd rather hear a male's explanation of how they are able to get a FWB. Not that I don't understand, but sometimes its better to get a no-BS quick and dirty explanation - rather than a long and drawn out justification.

 

Thanks.

[SoulSearch_CO]

Seeing that the majority of FWB cases are disrespecting females, why do females get involved with such arrangements in the first place?

 

I would ask for a female's explanation, but in this case, I'd rather hear a male's explanation of how they are able to get a FWB. Not that I don't understand, but sometimes its better to get a no-BS quick and dirty explanation - rather than a long and drawn out justification.

 

Thanks.

 

I'm not a guy, but could offer my no-BS explanation to this one. Sex is a tool for some women to keep guys "interested" in them. For some, it's an acceptable trade for her self-respect just so she can have this ersatz "relationship."

 

As for how guys get them...uh, some just ask. LOL Or sometimes they hint that it's the only way they'll be interested in the woman. The woman usually agrees because she's just so sure she can change his mind if given enough time (and enough sex). I wish more women would understand that it doesn't work that way.

[You'reasian]

I'm not a guy, but could offer my no-BS explanation to this one. Sex is a tool for some women to keep guys "interested" in them. For some, it's an acceptable trade for her self-respect just so she can have this ersatz "relationship.".

 

That sounds like a straight forward explanation, if the FWB set-up favors males and works against females.

 

If the FWB hurts neither, this arrangement is purely for sexual gratification without the full emotional engagement, intangibles and time commitment of a real relationship.

 

As for how guys get them...uh, some just ask. LOL Or sometimes they hint that it's the only way they'll be interested in the woman. The woman usually agrees because she's just so sure she can change his mind if given enough time (and enough sex). I wish more women would understand that it doesn't work that way.

 

Being a male, I know how I could potentially get the FWB, but I was hoping to hear from others.

 

I am asking simple questions so as to assume nothing.

[Mary3]

That sounds like a straight forward explanation, if the FWB set-up favors males and works against females.

 

If the FWB hurts neither, this arrangement is purely for sexual gratification without the full emotional engagement, intangibles and time commitment of a real relationship.

 

 

 

Being a male, I know how I could potentially get the FWB, but I was hoping to hear from others.

 

I am asking simple questions so as to assume nothing.

 

Its very difficult for most women to have continual stimulating mind blowing sex with a man and not form a deep attachment. So therefore , unless you can find a women who really does want just sex from you , then its harder to just go out a get it. FWB has been disected and discovered to be harmful to the womans psyche if she is looking for love and a deep committment.

 

If you want a FWB , find a hot girl , get her to agree to it and I am sure she might. I am not advocating FWB . But its out there if you look.