pkn06002 Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 pk- How on Earth can you say you weren't lazy to keeping your W happy while having an A? You were and maybe still are willing to divorce her for the OW. How on Earth is that not lazy? Not being lazy, to me, would entail putting all that time, energy and expense into your M and your W - not the OW. I will agree that many BS blame the WS 100%. I did until it dawned on me that I did in fact share the blame. That's hard for a BS to swallow. And I think critical to shaking the "victim" mentality and letting healing begin. Of course, the convers is also true...with cheaters blaming the faithful spouse and assuming some twisted "victim" mentality of their own. I am not willing to divorce my wife for the OW, at one time I was but that craziness has passed. If I divorce now it is for me and me only. I posted this in another thread so please excuse the duplication of information. The energy I put into my affair was minimal but I got maximum returns. I am putting WAY MORE effort into my marriage then I ever did into the affair. The results are WAY different, that magic feeling in the affair is not in my marriage regardless of the energy I put in. I will say this that level of magic was NEVER there, yes there was magic but not to the same extent. So sorry effort is not the answer. Why do I feel I can say I was not lazy keeping my wife happy for this reason. She did not know I was unhappy until I told her. Yet even now she will say she has everything she wants in life but a happy husband. I work to make sure she has what she needs and is happy, why because I am realizing I am super co-dependent. So I always go out of my way to please others before myself. Yes my affair was a selfish thing for ME. I agree there is victim mentality all around and it helps nothing. Just accepting there are problems on both sides is a way to help. Link to post Share on other sites
tyler123 Posted November 7, 2008 Share Posted November 7, 2008 Ok so I am respecting myself and my MW who told me time and time again that she wants to work on her marriage--- for the first time i am being respectful of this and dealing with the cold looks or no looks she has given me. Her husband is still doing coccaine and lying about his whereabouts ( i know this because we are in the small community with many similiar friends) but today this is not my problem as i have done enough research to know that it makes me out to be the bad guy and MM/ MW can place blame on me. So 2 weeks ago she told me she wants me out of her life. Ok so i need to respect her wishes for her families sake but what i realize truly is it is better for me. But yesterday i saw her and she was making eye contact at me trying to say something but i am working on telling myself-- it doesn't matter what the nonverbal caring look meant, this needs to be her issue not mine today... Of course i think about how strange it was that she gave me "the look" and the joined me and a friend for a cigerrette but i stayed strong and on my side of the street holding on to the NC but in a loving non angry kinda of way.. I am going to leave it as her way to making amends and wanting to not be hating towards me, but i need to remember that is all it could be - and that nothing has changed since she told me her husband and family are her priority and that she wants me out of her life.. feel better just writing that !@!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
dannydrifter Posted November 7, 2008 Share Posted November 7, 2008 Just forget about her tyler123, get her out of your head. It's not worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
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