coffeemaker Posted October 30, 2008 Share Posted October 30, 2008 So, i bumped into a woman I dated earlier this year. Suffice to say, the short version of the story is that we dated for a month, I got friend-zoned (got the "not ready for a relationship, just got of an on-off 5 year thing") told her in no uncertain terms that I wasn't interested in being friends and went No Contact. She made no effort to contact me, and I wrote her off. Done deal you would think.... But no, I ran into her at the bookstore on Tuesday, said hello, and then went off to do my thing. She came over a bit later and we ended up having an enjoyable conversation for 30-40 minutes. On Sunday, to my surprise she ends up calling and we talk for a bit - i cut the conversation short after 10-15 minutes and end with the infamous, nice talking to you, i'll call you line. I went back and forth and finally decided to call her today on her cell to see if she'd be interested in meeting up this weekend, got her voicemail, and decided not to leave a message. So now I wait... And of course, I wonder what on god's earth possessed her to call in the first place. To the lovely LS ladies - your perspective would be most appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted October 30, 2008 Share Posted October 30, 2008 I look at it this way: what the hell? It's not like you were with her for 5 years and came home to find her in bed with your best friend. Maybe she was going through something or in a weird place when you met her initially, and worse case scenario, you don't hear from her or go out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coffeemaker Posted October 30, 2008 Author Share Posted October 30, 2008 Yeah, you're right. Worst case she just ignores the missed call. What the hell. Talk about random. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coffeemaker Posted October 30, 2008 Author Share Posted October 30, 2008 still no call back. granted this isn't emotionally traumatic, but I had hoped this one and I could date/connect again. sigh. what the hell was her point of contacting me! Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted October 30, 2008 Share Posted October 30, 2008 still no call back. granted this isn't emotionally traumatic, but I had hoped this one and I could date/connect again. sigh. what the hell was her point of contacting me! Dude, it could be a simple as she just got dumped and needed to know that someone out there wanted her. She could have been lonely the day she called, but now has something else to do. I guess the only point here is that its obvious that she isnt all that interested. Whatever, now its done for good. Dont give her another chance to toy with your emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
DanaL Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I've gotta say, if I were you I'd simply call her back and ask out right if she's interested in a romantic relationship with you! If she says no, then you know! If she says yes, then you know! Of course be on your guard if she yes, she could be a flirt who loves the player she is, but you will never know for sure unless you ask! Link to post Share on other sites
Author coffeemaker Posted October 31, 2008 Author Share Posted October 31, 2008 oh trust me, i did that over the summer and she said she wasn't interested in anything romantic and just wasn't ready and wanted to be friends. My reply, in no uncertain terms was - sorry, being friends isn't gonna work for me. After that, nothing - literally no contact from either party until last Tuesday's encounter. Being polite when you run into each other is OK (at least that's how i think about it), a phone call to chit chat thereafter when i made my position absolutely clear is not. Idiot me took her follow up call on Sunday thinking well, she called, maybe there's an opportunity to reconnect. Anyway, there's no reason to repeat the past. She got the missed call, she hasn't called me back. Fine. Back to No Contact it is. Like BCCA said, can't give her another opportunity to toy with my emotions again. Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 There is no need to go any further with this. You tried to give it a shot, and really had nothing to lose, but now its pretty clear that its pointless to waste any more energy on this girl. Who knows why she even called. People are so random. Link to post Share on other sites
lofi_tokyo Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 Well, just to give a girls perspective on this, yeah I think its good to just give up on her. It sounds to me like she met you when she wasnt ready to date, but realized you were a catch so tried it out, but her heart wasnt in the right place so she called it quits. When she ran into you she probably was happy just to have a nice chit chat, shes moved on in her life, is stronger, and its nice to just - be friendly. Why did she call? She probably was sincerely happy you had such a nice bump in together, and maybe (maybe) thought that by calling she could feel out if trying things again would be fun. Since she hasn't called back I would assume shes not feeling overly commited to seeing where things go, shes just feeling her way through life right now. I wouldn't worry too much about her. It sounds like you're moving on though, so good job. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coffeemaker Posted November 1, 2008 Author Share Posted November 1, 2008 she called back. just got off the phone with after another short but friendly chat. Now what - seriously confounded. Link to post Share on other sites
BikerBeagle Posted November 1, 2008 Share Posted November 1, 2008 Now what? ...now, nothing. She wants the two of you to be 'friends'. If you can handle it and that's what you want, go for it ...if you can't or don't, then cut it off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coffeemaker Posted November 2, 2008 Author Share Posted November 2, 2008 BikerBeagle, sure, that's a possibility. I'm not sure that's the case just yet. Either way, I'm not interest in the friendship bit. The plan is to just leave her alone. If she continues to initiate contact then I'll make it clear to her again that friendship is not an option. For now, I'm back to doing nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
lofi_tokyo Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 Would it be so bad to just act as you normally would with someone youre interested in and see where it takes you? If you put drama into you and her just getting together, its gonna be there from the start to finish! Link to post Share on other sites
Author coffeemaker Posted November 2, 2008 Author Share Posted November 2, 2008 That wouldn't be bad at all. After all - there's nothing to lose here. I've already been through the NC worst case scenario. Unfortunately, I have a bad habit of over-thinking and over-analyzing things! Not a bad approach at all though. Thanks for the feedback! Link to post Share on other sites
Author coffeemaker Posted November 4, 2008 Author Share Posted November 4, 2008 Well, it's been radio silence since our brief conversation on Saturday (she called then). For now, I'm just going to stay away. If she ends up calling again, I'll have the "not interested in being friends talk" again and stick with NC. Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted November 4, 2008 Share Posted November 4, 2008 Well, it's been radio silence since our brief conversation on Saturday (she called then). For now, I'm just going to stay away. If she ends up calling again, I'll have the "not interested in being friends talk" again and stick with NC. Did she say what she was calling for Saturday? Link to post Share on other sites
Author coffeemaker Posted November 4, 2008 Author Share Posted November 4, 2008 no she did not. i just kept it brief again. didn't talk to much about myself, asked her a few questions about her day/week and excused myself. Link to post Share on other sites
samspade Posted November 4, 2008 Share Posted November 4, 2008 If I were you, I'd cut the cord unless she shows serious, obvious signs of attraction. From what I've read, you did not instill in her any feelings of attraction, and it's hard to reverse that once you've gotten started as "friend material." In the bigger picture, coffeemaker, I recommend that you not invest so much interest in one girl, if you are single. You're better off meeting more women and getting to know them so that you're not waiting by the phone and wondering about just one. It requires effort on your part, but you'll also make more clear-minded decisions and not give as much of a sh*t about one woman. Think about it: women usually have options, which is why they can come across as cavalier to any one guy if they're not that into him. As a man, you need to work a little harder to give yourself options, by asking out more girls. Dating will be more fun for you the less worried you are about the outcome. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coffeemaker Posted November 4, 2008 Author Share Posted November 4, 2008 I'm assuming that if she were interested she'd have called to make some specific plans to meet up. The flip side is that she could just be feeling it out herself given the period of NC. Somehow or the other, I really don't think calling her is worth it. What's the verdict? Keep the door closed or see if she calls again and play it out a little more. I'm really not sure what the right move is. yes, samsapde, i know. I've dated a few others since her and let them go since they weren't a good fit for me, and i'm out there meeting more ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted November 4, 2008 Share Posted November 4, 2008 The verdict is that this isnt going anywhere, chalk it up and move on. Trust me, if she was even remotely interested in even going out on ONE semi-date with you, she would have made it clearer and not blown you off. Women like options, she was probably just considering adding you to the list of other guys shes getting attention from. Calling her is probably not worth it, unless youre one of those people that doesnt want any regrets. If you do talk to her again, try being more direct. She says hi, a couple minutes of chat, ask her out, get off the phone. Trust me, her answer to you asking her out will tell you everything you need to know about where she stands. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coffeemaker Posted November 4, 2008 Author Share Posted November 4, 2008 Yeah, my gut feeling it that its going anywhere either. It was fun to entertain for a little while though. That settles it, i'm not calling her. No need to beat a dead horse. Thanks for the input everyone! It's much appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
rainbowbrite Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 i think she did that to see if u still liked her so she could get some sort of ego boost. and she got it and then prob just forgot about it and went about her business Link to post Share on other sites
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