hardluckloser Posted October 30, 2008 Share Posted October 30, 2008 Everyone seems to ignore my last post, is it because I'm an idiot for marrying her after 18hours? I still feel the way I did when we met and married, then married again, 2 weeks later. Then we moved away from her home into a crappy city and situation. In the next two months I spent nearly 20 grand, teh rest of my money and we still couldn't get afloat. We spent all day wprking on teh condo and ran out of money before it was done. She was stressed and quiet. Never told me anything that was bothering her. She is not an overly emotional person adn rarely lets her feelings shown, but she did her little things and I knew. But they started happening less and less, and she started sleeping all teh time. But would still wake up and look at me then grab my arm and fall asleep. Even a few days before she left. That was nearly 3 weeks ago. SHe left and came back teh next day, for a bag of clothes and then a week later for 2 boxes and all of her clothes. nearly 2 weeks since then and she hasnt talked to me or given me a reason or told me it was over for sure. She declared herself single on myspace and facebook. Why wouldnt she tell me it was over? Why does she still have some things here at the condo? What can I do? Its been only five months but I am in love, and want a family with her, am I out of line, or has she given up and moved on? Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted October 30, 2008 Share Posted October 30, 2008 Hate to break it to you, but its over. And that's not me telling it to you, but HER. Everything she's done in the last couple of weeks, says its over. Facebook, MySpace ~ stating that's she's single, coming over to get her clothes. Statiscally speaking I wouldn't beat myself up too much over having married her after such a short time. Statiscially the divorce rate (80%) is almost the same for those that get married after a brief rommance (six months or less) or those that had a long courtship (six or seven years). There seems to be a break-even point for being successfully married? Its around three to four years of dating, but that's not an absolute. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hardluckloser Posted October 30, 2008 Author Share Posted October 30, 2008 Why has she left things here, and why hasnt she asked for a divorce or tell me its over? The rent and electric are still in her name and she hasnt cancelled them. Im not making excuses to make myslef feel better, i just want to know if she'll come back or if she's just making it more painful on me? Or is she building up a case with her lawyer friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted October 30, 2008 Share Posted October 30, 2008 Simple answer is? Because its convientent for her, it works for her. Although the rent and electric may be in her name, if you want a roof over your head and lights ~ your the one who's going to have to foot the bill. Why rent a storage facility when she's already got one? She's using and abusing you. Meawhile she's out laughing and having a good old time with Joe Smuckatelle! At your expense! If she comes back to get the rest of her "trash" from the "rental storage unit" all she has to do is call the law, if you decide to be a hard-@ss about it? Things turn nasty with the law? You go to jail, she gets her stash! You get a court date, a restraining order, and a eviction notice! Link to post Share on other sites
Author hardluckloser Posted October 30, 2008 Author Share Posted October 30, 2008 So I am an idiot, you could have just said so, lol. I thought part of it might have been her age and financial issues, and hoped she get her head back where it was, but I probably am better off. I had money at first and now I think she found someone with money now. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted October 30, 2008 Share Posted October 30, 2008 No your not an idiot ~ you're in love, and when it comes to love? There is no rhymne nore reason? There's no logic to it, not understanding it? It is what it is! People die for love of another. People kill for love. People rob for love. People do all kinds of crazy things for the love of another. We all play the fool at one time or another, some of us more than once. I was once "in love" with an eight grade high school drop-out who has the job propesnisty and earning capacity of an illieterate, illegal alien. Yet because I was "in love" with her, I married her and had two children with her. Now that I'm NOT in love with her, I wouldn't even date someone such as herself. Just total and complete incompatiablilty on so many levels. Forget my being from Mars and her being from Venus, we were from complete galaxies. But when your "in love?" Somehow insanity makes sense? So no, I wouldn't call you an idiot, just young and in-experienced ~ and of course "in-love" Ignorance can be defined as when you just didn't know any better, while stupdity can be defined as knowing better and going ahead and doing it AGAIN anyway. The first time you stuck your finger to a flame and got burned? That's ignorance! The second time you did it? That's sheer STUPIDITY! There's nothing wrong in making mistakes, that a little thing called "Life" The shame isn't in making mistakes ~ the shame comes in making the same mistakes twice and not learning from the first mistake! But in the end, its all good! Once bitten! Twice shy! Live and learn, Link to post Share on other sites
Author hardluckloser Posted October 30, 2008 Author Share Posted October 30, 2008 What do you do with that part of you against better judgement still wants to be with her? 3 weeks and today hints of closure, but I am awaiting the big crash and burn to come in the next few days. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 Sorry its taken me as long as it has to get back to you, but your latest post was about a half hour after I was to be at work. What your going through is literally a pyschologcial addiction. Same as with any addicition, gambling, drinking, smoking, porn, gaming, sex, and of course drugs. Now some of these like drinking, smoking, and drugs have additional chemical elements to them, but they all still feed on the same receptors in the brain and release the same natural occuring bio chemicals in the brain. Indeed crystal meth, cocaine, and crack cocaine release the same bio-chemicals in the brain as would being "in love" does. In the Feb 2006 edition of National Geographic it illustrated that the brain scans of people that are in love are almost identical as those of people that have OCD (Obbesseive Compulsive Disorder), this was futher brought out in a Time magazing article (I've still have it around, but I would have to get up and find it to give you the date of the issue ~ not that I'm too lazy, its just late at night) Further information can be found in the following books: "Brain Sex", "When Mars and Venus Collide" John Gray, PhD "Why Men Don't Have A Clue, And Women Need A New Pair of Shoes" But to address your immediate problem, your addicted to this person, and your going to "de-tox" yourself from her in order to get her out of your life and out of your system. That is with not side effects, which is why some people when going through it get so depressed they suicide themselves, and beging thinking illrationally in believing they will never replace the euphoric feeling they felt when they were in love that abdondened them. Or to put it another way? That this person was/is the one and only man or woman in the wrold (when in truth the world is quite literally covered up with them) The quick and short answer to your last post? Move on and get busy living your life. Life is just to freaking short to waste it pieing over a lost love. There are way too many women in the world, and way to many opportunties in Life to be waisting it on just one person. "People come, and people go! No one monkey makes a show!" Song by Van Morrission My advice would be to box her trash up, put it storage for six months. Mail her the freaking key, with a note that she's got three ~ six months to either get her trash out of the storage unit or renew the rent, and to have a Nice-Forever-Life-Without-Me! And quit beating yourself up! You were in love with this woman. She obvisiouly meet for of your conscious and un-conscious mental and emotional needs. But you didn't meet all of hers, and she can't tell you what they are ~ simply because she doesn't fully consciously know herself, just as you don't know what all of yours are. Finally Sigmund Freud himself said on his dying bed that "We don't know enough about Love" For a better understanding you might want to read "How To Get Anyone To Fall In Love With You!" Link to post Share on other sites
Author hardluckloser Posted October 31, 2008 Author Share Posted October 31, 2008 thx gun....can u offer anything on my other threads questions... Link to post Share on other sites
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