somebodieswife Posted October 30, 2008 Share Posted October 30, 2008 What do I do about my husbands Adult children that constantly are interfering in our relationship? At this time him and I are separated no thanks to them. We have been married for 14yrs and since the very beginning they have done all in their power to break us up.Setting up private meetings so their parents would be together. At this time the reason that he and I are separated is because he has decided being with her is what is best. His children don't even live in the same state as we do, but the have found a way to make this all possible. Inviting Dad out for visits without me and Mom being there. Since our separation they have e-mailed me and said to leave their father alone, He does not love you. He needs to be with our mother. I didn't respond to their email, but I'm wondering if I should have. I don't want to have any fall back on him and I. I love him very much and yes I want him to come back home. But I also know that we need to really work at our relationship first. Any advise? Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted October 30, 2008 Share Posted October 30, 2008 I have read your other posts and not replied simply because I had no advice to offer. To be honest, regardless of what he has done, his children's behavior, your health and circumstance....he has left the marriage and has not indicated he is coming back. I am shocked at the advice your attorney gave you. You need to protect yourself in a proactive way and he/she should have known this. By maintaining seperate residences for a year while remaining married - your husband is fulfilling a requirement of divorce in most states...he is not considering reconciliation. You need to be proactive here and not let him form the terms of your impending divorce while you are trying to figure out how to get him back. In most cases of divorce, especially because of the length of your marriage...the court will insist that he continue to provide health insurance to you, even if he has to pay for it. At this point, you cannot be concerned with his finances. He will also be required to support you in part as he has been doing during the marriage. The court will not look favorably at him simply because you are ill and also because he knew this when you got married. The only reason he has not filed is because he and his ex (OW) will not be able to support themselves when he also has to support you. They are living in your house. You have got to start focusing on what is happening, not what you wish wasn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author somebodieswife Posted October 30, 2008 Author Share Posted October 30, 2008 Thank-you, I have been to the lawyer and have done all the paperwork about spousal maintenance. Court date set for next month. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted October 30, 2008 Share Posted October 30, 2008 I am so glad to hear that! You had me worried. I feel for you, you have serious problems to deal with and all of us wish and hope for a partner to share life's problems no matter what. Sadly, it doesn't always work. Please know that you are not alone - there are so many people on just this website. From reading your entry, you sound like articulate and intelligent, a woman who really loves to love and has something to offer. And you have blessings too - a supportive family network. Keep posting. Link to post Share on other sites
signedin2008 Posted October 30, 2008 Share Posted October 30, 2008 When you and him first met, was he divorced, seperated, or still married to his wife? Link to post Share on other sites
Author somebodieswife Posted October 31, 2008 Author Share Posted October 31, 2008 We grew up together and dated in High School, went our separate ways and remet after he was divorced. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I don't know the background on your situation and I'm sorry for your pain but the title of your thread is what I want to address. THEY are not the problem. Your H has full control here. He decides whether they can interfere in your marriage or not. Obviously he has no problem with the fact that they are. His choice. Were I in your shoes I'd not be blaming the "kids." They're simply not to blame. He's made his choice. Now you have to make yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Dark-N-Romantic Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 Like Touche said, it is NOT the kids, and your husband is only 1/3 of the problem. You need to make up your mind right now being the 2/3 of this problem. What is it you want? Are you ready to give him up without a fight? If you are, do as everyone else said, do what you need to do to make sure you get something from this divorce so that he knows that what he did to you was wrong. If you are willing to fight for him, YOU NEED TO START LAYING DOWN THE LAW! You tell him EVERYTHING from within your gut. You confront his children and his ex-wife. And you tell them ALL exactly how things are going to be. You let him make his decision, while sticking to your's (don't give him leway to play and/or manipulate) standards. You remind him of his vows and ask him what they meant and if he was lying to you about the words he spoke to you and to the world. Giving up is too easy. Divorce is for the weak and sad people who can't live up to their promises, it should only be a tool if one's life and/or the life of their children are in danger. Don't let divorce be the easy way out for either of you. Make sure YOU at least have done everything within YOUR power to show that you did everything to make this marriage work. It will work better in your favor either way. DNR Link to post Share on other sites
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