How do I clue him in??

[Lauriebell82]

So my boyfriend may propose soon. He wants it to be a surprise, therefore going ring shopping is out of the question. What is a good way to clue him in on what kind of ring I want? I have told him before, but he tends to not remember things I tell him sometimes so maybe he has forgotten. Anyway, what would be a good way to do this? Generically? He may feel pressured if I come out and tell him what kind of ring I want. Or would he?

 

He's been dropping all the hints lately, so he's preparing.

 

Oh to footnote: I really would like any kind of ring he bought me, but this one that found is soooo beautiful. I love it!

[whichwayisup]

Oh to footnote: I really would like any kind of ring he bought me, but this one that found is soooo beautiful. I love it!

 

Tell a friend and get the friend to mention to him.

[oceangrl]

I really would like any kind of ring he bought me

 

Even a ring from one of those toy vending machines? C'mon now, don't lie!

[Lauriebell82]

Tell a friend and get the friend to mention to him.

 

Oooh, that's a good idea. How can I set up a situation in which my friend would mention it?

 

I tried to tell him that a friend from work got engaged and described her ring, (I made that up) but who knows if he paid attention to that. I really have tried to clue him in several times, such as looking at a friend's engagement ring in front of him and showing it to him. Anything I say now though looks pretty obvious, and I don't want him to feel pressured.

[Lauriebell82]

Even a ring from one of those toy vending machines? C'mon now, don't lie!

 

Lol, well maybe not from a toy vending machine..you get the picture though.

[withinyourself]

In this case honesty IS the best policy.

You can save hurt feelings by being up front.

I know peole who have received rings that they disliked and said nothing and resented it. I also know people who spoke up about not liking the ring picked out for them and the engagement was cancelled.

SPEAK UP! Of course, kindly and with love.

Why not just say "If I was ever to receive an engagement ring from you I really would like to be a part of picking it out. It's something that I would wear for the rest of my life and I would want to know it would totally please both of us".

[Lauriebell82]

In this case honesty IS the best policy.

You can save hurt feelings by being up front.

I know peole who have received rings that they disliked and said nothing and resented it. I also know people who spoke up about not liking the ring picked out for them and the engagement was cancelled.

SPEAK UP! Of course, kindly and with love.

Why not just say "If I was ever to receive an engagement ring from you I really would like to be a part of picking it out. It's something that I would wear for the rest of my life and I would want to know it would totally please both of us".

 

Thanks for the advice. He DOES have very good taste in jewelry, he has given me a bracelet, necklace, and earings that are all beautiful. I did tell him a general idea of what I'd like those pieces to look like, and he did a good job putting his own taste into it. So I'm trying to figure out a way that I can do that with an engagement ring.

 

I want to just tell him what kind of make and diamond that I wanted, he can pick out the exact ring and whatever price he can afford. What would be a good way to drop that kind of hint?

[withinyourself]

Go for it!

Relationships are a series of negotiations- better to start right away.

Good luck!

[allina]

Can you sit with him and make a couple rings you like? Many websites that sell engagement rings have an option to "create your own ring." My bf knows my taste really well but even he wanted to mess around on those sites and put together a couple rings to be sure he gets the perfect one. Unless your bf would freak out and think this is too forward I think it's the easiest and most practical approach.

[Star Gazer]

If you're SO certain that he's preparing and he's going to propose SOON, then telling him what you want should not make him feel pressured.

 

However, you've made many threads like this, LB. I wouldn't assume ANYTHING until he's actually down on one knee.

[Lauriebell82]

If you're SO certain that he's preparing and he's going to propose SOON, then telling him what you want should not make him feel pressured.

 

However, you've made many threads like this, LB. I wouldn't assume ANYTHING until he's actually down on one knee.

 

I'm not certain he'll propose. I won't know for sure until he actually does!

 

But anyway, I'm going to take everyone's advice and be honest with him about what I want. When he hints about weddings/engagements he has done so in some kind of generic way (ex: so if you were going to get engaged, would you want it to be in front of family?)

 

He hasn't started hinting about a ring yet, so chances are he hasn't started looking (which is fine). Hopefully it will be soon, I'm really excited!

[Lishy]

What has he said that makes you think this LB?

[MrMe]

One day find the ring you want on the internet and leave the page open on the computer for him to see it. But maybe not too obvious..maybe have another window open above it so it looks like you just forgot to close out the web browser.

 

And favorite the page. That way he knows that you may have been looking at it on more than one occasion.

:-)

[Lauriebell82]

What has he said that makes you think this LB?

 

We went to a wedding last weekend that he was in, and the bride and groom fixed it so that she threw me the bouquet and the groom threw him the garter. Afterwards someone came up to us and asked if it was fixed, and we said yes because we are a couple. The person then asked when we were getting married, and my BF said that he "likes to keep me on my toes, and he is going to surprise the hell out of me."

 

Plus he has been talking about weddings and engagements and things lately. Of course none of that means he is going to propose, which I am well aware of. He's probably not looking for a ring yet, or else I would have been getting hints dropped about that. I think he has fun watched me squirm about it!

[norajane]

LB, your bf strikes me as the type who will plan this proposal down to the last detail, including asking your friends and family what kind of ring you might like. Also, you've looked at promise rings together and such. He has a clue in to your taste.

 

My guess is if you completely say nothing about engagements and weddings and marriage and all things related, and if you TRULY put it out of your mind and just ENJOY your life together every day, he will finally feel he can manage it to be a surprise.

 

But, in reality, he'll do what he's been doing all along. He's terrible with surprises. He's been asking you about weddings and honeymoons and such all along. He won't be able to manage it totally as a surprise. He'll take you shopping for earrings and end up looking at rings with you and then you can tell him what you like. Or he'll show you pictures in a catalog, like before. He's not making that kind of major purchase without covering all his bases on the ring.

[Lauriebell82]

LB, your bf strikes me as the type who will plan this proposal down to the last detail, including asking your friends and family what kind of ring you might like. Also, you've looked at promise rings together and such. He has a clue in to your taste.

 

My guess is if you completely say nothing about engagements and weddings and marriage and all things related, and if you TRULY put it out of your mind and just ENJOY your life together every day, he will finally feel he can manage it to be a surprise.

 

But, in reality, he'll do what he's been doing all along. He's terrible with surprises. He's been asking you about weddings and honeymoons and such all along. He won't be able to manage it totally as a surprise. He'll take you shopping for earrings and end up looking at rings with you and then you can tell him what you like. Or he'll show you pictures in a catalog, like before. He's not making that kind of major purchase without covering all his bases on the ring.

 

You are probably right about that. He'll probably find some way of getting my taste in rings. Thanks!

[Lauriebell82]

Update: Told my boyfriend what kind of ring I wanted. His response "That sounds like a nice ring, hopefully you will get something like that when you get engaged."

 

Ugh, we can't just have a normal conversation without these games. Maybe, that's why I am so inpatient. If he just acted normally about it and just talked about, "Okay, when we get engaged someday, yada yada yada," maybe I wouldn't care as much. I didn't feel this way when I was with my ex boyfriend. Of course I was only like 22, but we still had plans to get married when we were both done with school. We talked about it, it was planned, that was that.

 

I'm trying to take everyone's advice, seriously if someone else was writing this post, I'd be like "Hey what's the rush, enjoy your relationship!" I guess it's different when you are actually in the situation.

 

I know I'm going to get a lot of "Stop worrying about it! It's going to happen!" type responses. I already know that. Ugh.

[BannaBee57]

Update: Told my boyfriend what kind of ring I wanted. His response "That sounds like a nice ring, hopefully you will get something like that when you get engaged."

 

Hmmm, did he say it in a sly way as if to throw you off the path or did he say it in an offhanded "I don't care way"? There would be a difference in the way I would have reacted depending on the inflection.

 

I can see how you'd be frustrated, given that in your mind the logical next step after moving in together would be to get engaged (and I get the feeling that you're a fairly "logical" girl LB) but perhaps this is not your bf's thought process. Maybe he sees this as a time to get to know each other better and enjoy the comforts of a relatonship, yet not the seriousness of an engagement yet.

 

I know you said he will most likely surprise you when the time comes, so in order for you to be truely surprised you need to chill out with the talk of engagements and rings.

 

If/when it actually happens you don't want to feel like you pressured him into an engagement.

[Lauriebell82]

Hmmm, did he say it in a sly way as if to throw you off the path or did he say it in an offhanded "I don't care way"? There would be a difference in the way I would have reacted depending on the inflection.

 

I can see how you'd be frustrated, given that in your mind the logical next step after moving in together would be to get engaged (and I get the feeling that you're a fairly "logical" girl LB) but perhaps this is not your bf's thought process. Maybe he sees this as a time to get to know each other better and enjoy the comforts of a relatonship, yet not the seriousness of an engagement yet.

 

I know you said he will most likely surprise you when the time comes, so in order for you to be truely surprised you need to chill out with the talk of engagements and rings.

 

If/when it actually happens you don't want to feel like you pressured him into an engagement.

 

He said it in kind of a sly way. I actually am on his computer now and it's interesting that in his search history under "google" he googled the Kay's website. It was today too, because it was by date. I have done searches (not typed in the website) but I don't use google, I use yahoo. I clicked on what he was looking at and they were engagement rings!

 

Not sure if that means anything, but he did a search for it and clicked on the engagement rings!

[norajane]

Update: Told my boyfriend what kind of ring I wanted. His response "That sounds like a nice ring, hopefully you will get something like that when you get engaged."

 

Ugh, we can't just have a normal conversation without these games. Maybe, that's why I am so inpatient. If he just acted normally about it and just talked about, "Okay, when we get engaged someday, yada yada yada," maybe I wouldn't care as much. I didn't feel this way when I was with my ex boyfriend. Of course I was only like 22, but we still had plans to get married when we were both done with school. We talked about it, it was planned, that was that.

 

I'm trying to take everyone's advice, seriously if someone else was writing this post, I'd be like "Hey what's the rush, enjoy your relationship!" I guess it's different when you are actually in the situation.

 

I know I'm going to get a lot of "Stop worrying about it! It's going to happen!" type responses. I already know that. Ugh.

 

You didn't listen to what I was saying....dude wants it to be a SURPRISE so STOP talking to him about it. Only when you act like you're not thinking about it and he believes it's not on your mind, will he feel like it can be a SURPRISE.

 

Of course he's not going to say, great, i'll buy that for you when I propose next month. He wants it to be a surprise, so LET IT GO.

[norajane]

He said it in kind of a sly way. I actually am on his computer now and it's interesting that in his search history under "google" he googled the Kay's website. It was today too, because it was by date. I have done searches (not typed in the website) but I don't use google, I use yahoo. I clicked on what he was looking at and they were engagement rings!

 

Not sure if that means anything, but he did a search for it and clicked on the engagement rings!

 

LB, really. What more reassurance do you need?!

 

Guys don't look up Kays and engagement rings just for giggles.

 

Now EASE your mind and shut up about the whole marriage issue and it will happen.

[allina]

LB, really. What more reassurance do you need?!

 

Guys don't look up Kays and engagement rings just for giggles.

 

Now EASE your mind and shut up about the whole marriage issue and it will happen.

 

I agree but, he is being a bit difficult about all of this. He must know how important this is to LB, so why not just give her a real reply, even if it's just to make her happy?

 

When she told him about what kind of ring she wanted he could have asked a couple insightful questions and told her that he will be sure to get her the ring of her dreams when he proposes. Since he wants it to be such a surprise he could have said that he knows what she would like now and that he will be thrilled to get it for her one day but to please not talk about it now so he can plan the surprise his way.

 

There's nothing wrong with having a straight forward conversation about these things in a committed relationship. I think it would be so much easier for LB to relax if he just gave her a normal, real reply.

[norajane]

But she already knows he's not going to give her that kind of reply. She's been after him to give her that kind of reassuring reply for months, even before they moved in together. She KNOWS that dog won't hunt. He will insist on doing it his way or no way...and that's what she's signing up for since she's so certain she wants to marry him.

 

So, since her way isn't working, try it his way. Ease up on the marriage talk and see if that changes anything. Let him do it his way.

[norajane]

There's nothing wrong with having a straight forward conversation about these things in a committed relationship. I think it would be so much easier for LB to relax if he just gave her a normal, real reply.

 

And if she expects a straight forward conversation, then she, too, needs to be straight forward with him. Instead of talking about rings and other people's engagements and weddings, she should say something more direct: Darling, I'm freaking out and need some reassurance from you. I'm feeling insecure in our relationship because I'm unsure that you really want to marry me. That's why I keep nagging you about when you're going to propose and rings and stuff. And when you bring up the subject and then act coy and shut down on me, I know you're doing that because you want a proposal to be a surprise, but I can't handle the vagueness and ambiguity. So, please be direct with me and tell me what your thoughts are about marriage. I need you to do that for me.

[Trialbyfire]

For something as important as marriage, where both should be wanting this to happen without undue stress, this entire situation is one big immature power play.