1 vent + 1 request = one long post =(

[silitbang1]

split into two parts. Vent and Advice. feel free to comment on either =)

 

Vent: My girlfriend and I met on haloween last year and declared ourselves together a few weeks after that since we spent almost every second of every day together. We had everything in common and made each other very happy. It's now halloween (31st of October) and I had been hoping to spend it with her since I feel that it marks the anniversary of the day that my life changed for the better and I became a better person.... For years I had terrible confidence problems which root from years of being bullied at school, and I just felt like I had something wrong with me. And since I couldn't see anything specific I was paranoid about every aspect of myself. I'd spend all night programming on my old computer, doing homework and weight lifting, trying to make myself better. I had few friends because I was so rediculously shy and I could only be myself around familiar people. So only the few people who had ever given me a chance (i.e. my friends) knew the real me.... Last week I told her that I wanted to do something nice for halloween with her. I said I knew it wasn't officially our anniversary but to me it is still a special day. It was the day I met my first love, my first girlfriend, my first lover and the first girl who saw something good in me. And ever since that day I have grown so much, learned to love myself and become infinitely more confident.

 

I did not actually say all of that last part, I just said I wanted to do something nice, but in hind sight I wish I'd have said every word I said there. Sadly for me she replied with "sorry I am visiting my parents next weekend. I haven't seen all my friends from back home in ages!" (we are at university).

 

So now I am sitting here at home on my own without my girlfriend on a day that means so much to me =( and instead of feeling good about myself, like I should, I am feeling even more upset about her trip next year and I can't help but feel disheartened by the fact that today obviously doen't mean very much to her at all (in terms of our relationship).

 

Advice: I recently posted the topic about my girlfriend planning a round the wolrd trip with some other guy and I have decided to stay with her for now since the relationship gives me (and her I should hope!) a lot of happiness and this trip isn't for a whole year, and to be honest I would much rather spend that time with someone whom I can have so much fun with, rather than going it alone.

 

But recently I have had patches of depression where I am apathetic to everything and I just feel upset about the whole situation. in the last week I have been unable to sleep for 3 days (not in a row) so far because I am getting all riled up by silly things like facebook messages they leave eachother describing what they are going to do on their trip. I am used to late nights and early mornings but this just can't be healthy. These patches of depression tend to occur when I am on my own (which has been a lot the last week since we have both been so busy with work, she has a job, and she has had her brother visiting her for the last few days). When I am with her she usually lifts such feelings from me and I try to force myself out of it.

 

But recently it's been getting harder to lift (perhaps because deep down I am thinking about the fact that I might have to end our relationship?) So does anyone know of anything I can do to shake this depression? I really don't want it to escalate any further =( I want to be who i was a few months ago -_-

[Geishawhelk]

Think about it.

 

What would it take to make you who you were a few months ago?

[onlyicansee]

Man, your only doing this to yourself. You need to get out of this relationship! You don't want to because you are afraid of being alone, and you afraid you will be passing up this relationship. But, to be honest, this relationship is not going to work out. The trip is like a weight hovering over your head.

 

Dont feel like you have to go through this, because you dont. If you wait it out, then in a year when she leaves it will be SO MUCH WORSE!

[theobserver]

God damn it. I'm so angry with you. When are you going to grow some balls. Ok ok I understand she's your first... everything from what you've said. I understand that can be hard for you to then want to break things up. I hate giving this advice to good guys because your personality reminds me of myself.

 

Look you will never be alone, the girl your with at the moment however is no longer the one you fell in love with, it's beginning to fizzle out. It doesn't matter about that world trip things change and you know what did she even ever offer for you to come along? If you can't go why, most of the times in reality you CAN go it just means holding off some things in life.. but even so I don't think she's worth it.

 

As for this 1yr aniv' sometimes a lot of people don't take it too seriously especially if they've dated others before in somewhat long term relationships and the whole anniversary thing is just something sappy people or old married couples look forward to while others try to celebrate every day or at their own pace. That might be hard for you to understand since you said prior to meeting her you were quite a lonely sheltered guy you probably expect things to go a certain way like in those romantic comedies or sitcoms .. well sadly it doesn't.

 

You can recover, you can get more friends, you can get a new girlfriend one more to your standards (and hopefully you meet hers) it really isn't that hard. I can guarantee you there's probably about 5 girls lusting over you right now just because you are in a relationship that's right theres some girl right now wishing she was with you this halloween someone you've probably never noticed probably as shy as you used to be. Like you said you're a changed man now right, take the experience you've gained and get out there!

 

I would quietly have a chat with your current GF, did she even invite you to come with her to her family? Are you not worth introducing, maybe they wont/couldn't have you there but she could of asked. She seems more interested in indulging herself (haven't seen friends in ages playing off your relationship) she is very likely going to a party tonight too and I don't mean to be rude but from the things she's done int he past I wouldn't be surprised if she makes out with an "old friend" tonight with you in your dorm whatever watching movies alone.

 

I'm being harsh to save you my friend. Don't waste your life with girls like these.