How can one fall out of love?

[lilmrcheerful]

How is it possible to fall out of love with someone, for example, you no longer care for what they do, things that used to upset you no longer upsets you. How does it get to that stage? Is it something that you have to always present in your mind (convincing oneself) or would it be a simple case of that person you love never changing that aspect you hate about them in which case you inwardly feel enough is enough and thus triggers that break away?

 

I'd be very interested to hear how people have managed to fall out of love with someone.

 

Thanks for reading.

Take Care.

[lilmrcheerful]

If you HATE anything about the person you love than you are not in love.

 

If that person isn't willing to budge from what they decided then there is no compromise. You cannot just fall out of love overnight, you still love that person (for the time being) because the process that made you love them is still very much absorbed in your heart, but then there are things that they do which tries to undo that and if they continue to do things that hurt you then that love for them would eventually die I suspect?

[BCStunter.]

I know it sounds really bad, but a one night stand with someone you know really helps. After the last breakup with my 1 and a half year girlfriend, I called up an old friend that I knew in elementary school and we caught up on a bunch of stuff (I had originially called her for someone to talk to) and then it lead to having sex...and to be honest, for the next week we must have had sex at least 12 times. It helps you get over someone you don't want to think about real quick.

 

It's crude, but effective.

 

If you don't know anyone that well or just don't want to do that, one tactic I find that works is throw out everything that reminds you of that person, take out their cell numbers, delete them off of myspace, facebook or whatever, everything. Delete their friends, anyone.

[lilmrcheerful]

If you don't know anyone that well or just don't want to do that, one tactic I find that works is throw out everything that reminds you of that person, take out their cell numbers, delete them off of myspace, facebook or whatever, everything. Delete their friends, anyone.

 

I would certainly do what you just said there rather than your first option, I could never ever hurt my partner in that way even if she ended up doing it to me, I wouldn't do it back or wouldn't do it at all. I care about this person too much to even want to fall out with them, ideally, just become close friends would be really good in the end.

[BCStunter.]

You cannot just be friends with an ex, it never works. I know from loads and loads of personal experience. It is extremely hard to get into another relationship with you being close friends with an ex, to me that's a "don't even bother, don't go there".

 

Honestly, the amount of anxiety, depression, and stress you'll get from trying to maintain your relationship with an ex is not even close to being worth it.

 

How do I know? Because at the age of 18 I had grey hairs growing on my head, my weight dropped significantly (Not complaining now, 6'3 180 Lbs, good enough for me), I was constantly depressed and couldn't eat.

 

Think about it, do you REALLY want to know who she's talking and hanging out with?Who she could be having sex with? Her next boyfriend? In MY opinion, after a lot of experience with this kind of thing, it's best just to let her go, because you're only going to end up destroying yourself.

[carhill]

How is it possible to fall out of love with someone, for example, you no longer care for what they do, things that used to upset you no longer upsets you. How does it get to that stage?

 

IMO, it's a path unique to each person and each relationship, as both are exceedingly complex realities.

 

For me, the path to polite indifference was paved through a number of years of emotional abandonment and a feeling of my W not "believing in me". As I said in MC, my love died one day at a time, one small step at a time. There was no epiphany. I just got to the point where her existence was relevant only on the human level, as I would care for and respect any human being.

 

Trick or treat

[lilmrcheerful]

You cannot just be friends with an ex, it never works. .

 

If you no longer love that person then it can work, it's only if you still have those feelings that problems will occurr. I would rather much finish a relationship in the most amicable way possible because as long as you don't committ something awful towards that person, there is no reason to become enemies.

[lilmrcheerful]

my love died one day at a time, one small step at a time. There was no epiphany. I just got to the point where her existence was relevant only on the human level, as I would care for and respect any human being.

 

Yes, that's how I am imagining it, just really depends on how much more you intend to tolerate the differences of opinion, that is, if those issues are that demeaning towards the relationship. My point is, rather than just having an outright fight which could sprial out of control and words are said that we probably don't mean in which ends up needlessly hurting each other, I would rather just the love fizzle out so that we can still maintain a friendship, after all, the effort that we've put in the relationship I wouldn't like to see it go to waste, unless as I said one of us does something quite unforgivable.

[Steve L]

You find someone else. The posting above that states "sleep with someone else" yes, it does present a few other problems but it does help when trying to free your mind. The difficult part is dealing with the rebound feelings you may have for this person after the "affair" has occured

[XNemesisX]

It's definitely not a sudden thing that happens....gradually over time it just starts fading away. It fades because, like some others said, the things you can't stand about the person don't change or the differences in opinion don't get resolved. Eventually, you end up emotionally distancing yourself and letting go of any feelings of love for the person. You just detach. It's not something that you just wake up one morning and decide you don't love your partner anymore.

[carhill]

The part which is the most frustrating for me is wanting it to be there, but being incapable of willing the emotions into being. If there were any negative results regarding this dynamic in MC, it was clarifying concrete incompatibilities of perspective. That clarity serves as a blockage, like a epiphany that, had I known prior to getting married what I know now (about the psychology of compatibility), I would've recognized the signs and not pursued marriage. With that reality comes a sadness, a sadness of loss, loss of the potential of what we were and perhaps could become.

 

I still move forward, hoping for a new and different spiritual sign and meaning. If not, then part ways amicably and resolve the pain and loss and continue.....