I have a feeling my girlfriend has cheated on me.. am i being paranoid ?

[Ken102]

hi everyone... thank you so much for reading... i was googling the things my girlfriend said to me.. trying hoping to find answers to why, this site came up and i just registered to give it a go. im soo sorry but for you to understand you might need to read alot of my rubbish... im soo sorry but i had so much to type... thank you again for reading

 

Some of the things my girlfriend has been saying to me is confusing me and i want to understand but i dont get it. usually me and my girlfriend are really strict about things, we are both very overprotective, my friends have always told me you guys gotta have trust and stuff... but like its just the way me and my girlfriend are, and im not saying its a bad thing either. its just the way we are and i think its a good thing.

 

my girlfriend hasnt had much luck with meeting the right type of guys, before me her longest relationship was 2 months. and currently we have been dating for 14 months, we are both very young and i love her more than anything in the world. We both lost our virginity to each other and have had a very sexually active relationship, we are both still in High School. She goes to a different school to me. She is a very very very attractive girl, and most guys that see her do check her out im 100% sure, i know because thats what i did the first time i saw her i could'nt take my eyes off her. We both have changed alot, because of each other we have become different people. I know she loves me alot, and i love her more than anything in the world and i would never cheat on her knowing that doing something like that i could lose her so no way, i couldnt live without her. she is the first longtime, serious relationship i have ever had. we have a problem, because her parents are very very strict, they dont allow "boys" so we have to hide it from them, her parents work early in the morning till 6-7 pm and she lives not so far away from me, 10-15 minute drive. Usually after school i would always catch the bus to her house and leave before her parents come home, and i go to house every saturday early in the morning till around 6 and we always go out together when her parents let her. but recently she has had relatives come over from over-seas and they are always there at her house and her parents come home around 4 now so i cant come over anymore. and thats the only way i could see her. i dont see her alot now, and the only way i get to see her is if i go to where she works which is at this bakery in a small shopping centre every saturday, i can see her on her lunch breaks. last saturday i was soo desperate to see her i went to the shopping centre when it opened, i cant walk up to the bakery and talk to her because if her boss sees me she will get busted, cos her boss is friends with her mum and dad, so i have to stand far away and i can see her serving customers, shes soo beautiful =P. and yeh last saturday i went there early in the morning, around 9, i walked in and out of the shop passing her bakery, it made me soo happy so be able to see her and be close to her, i couldnt wait till 2 when she had her lunch break, i bought a couple of magazines and went down to the park near the shopping centre to kill time and occasionally i would walk back to the shopping centre just to see her and blow her a kiss, lol i bought i lollipop and when her boss was in the back i ran up quickly and gave it to her and waited a little for her to suck it, then i ran back and got it off her lol.

 

well... this is the part where im scared and confused. the other night we were talking on the phone and she was saying weird things... i forgot how but we came across "cheating" topic, and she asked me what would i do if she hooked up with another guy, and i said well what do you mean hook up, and she said just pashing another guy, and she asked me.. would i forgive her, would i take her back and still be with her ? and i said why would you want to do that when you tell me im the best guy u have ever had and you wanna spend the rest of your life with me and marry me and have kids with me. and she said she dosnt know ? she said to me, what if i told you i was all over this guy at school what would you do, and i said i dont know.... and then i asked her, is there another guy... just tell me if there is i want to know.... be honest with me... and she said waht if i said yes... and i said JUST TELL ME, she said yes... and i said who is he... tell me.... and she said what difference does it make, and then later on she says there is no guy and she didnt hook up with anyone she was just saying it to piss me off and make me angry.... ???? like wtf. and then i asked her. well how the hell would you feel if i told you i hooked up with some girl, (i know if i did she would go crazy, she would go mental and break up with me and hate me for the rest of my life because thats just the type of girl she is, shes very sensitive) but she says, "oh i would get over it... as long as you still loved me and wanted to be with me" but like wtf ? thats not her.. it feels as if she has changed some how, if i asked her that a month ago she would say something like "i would hate you forever and dump you" , she also said during our conversation, what if i just hooked up with that guy because i was interested in him not in love, like wtf why would she ask me that ? i mean all this most of come from somewhere ? but she tells me and reassures me she hasnt.... i dont know...

 

 

it just hurts me and worrys me soo much i cant stop thinking about it im going apes over it, last night i had a really weird dream about her cheating on me with another guy. i remember back to the time when i was laying in her bed and we were holding hands, and looking into each others eyes, and i told her ... promise me you wuold never leave me or cheat on me.... and she said "i promise i wont ever leave you or cheat on you, your the only one i want and need i love you" it just kills me inside, just of the thought of her being with another guy.... i dont think if she did i could live with it, i would want to kill myself i wouldnt want to live anymore.

and now when i say to her... promise me you wont ever leave me or cheat on me... she says she cant promise me... becuase she dosnt know.... like wtf ? what happened ? it feels as if shes changed... she loevs me less ? i cant live without her.

 

please someone ? if you know why please reply..... im soo confused and hurting i dont understand and im trying to thank you so much for reading my rubbish -.-

[Vertex]

Sorry to say, but I think it is fairly obvious that this chick has not been honest and loyal, here. Nobody's going to bring that sort of conversation up unless they've done something and felt guilty over it. Usually when a girl goes from "I'd be angry if you kissed someone else" to "I'd forgive you if you hooked up" after such a strange conversation, usually it's because they've committed the act already and therefore choose to "change their opinion" to lessen the guilt. It's one of the oldest and more obvious tricks in the book.

 

I'm really sorry you're going through this -- I definitely know how it feels. But, if there's anything I've learned, it's that dishonest, disloyal people are not worth your tears. Yes, admittedly, it is very hard when you think back to happy times when there was so much trust, love, affection, and loyalty. But you have to look out for yourself here and understand that someone who is willing to be dishonest and cheat on you is not that same person anymore.

[mc5]

I'm sorry to say man, she is cheating, and I don't mean to be a debbie downer but I really don't know if your relationship will last much longer, and if it does you will be the one hurt. Now there is always hope, don't lose hope, but there are many things that are going against you. Number one, she is in high school. She has sooooo much growing up to do, and so do you! In a year she will not be the same person. Her ideas will change, on what she wants in life, and in a man. She is clearly telling you that she wants to know what else is out there. One thing that I want you to remember in live is this...The important thing is not what people are saying, its what people are not saying.... These questions that she is bringing up are red flags! The other thing that you have going against you is that she is sexually active AND in high school! Wait until she goes to college! I was an RA for 3 years and let me tell you! You see the nicest girls come in and then boom! They are out from Wed through Sun! Now that she is active her curiosity for more is open! And when you are not around she thinks about other guys, how it would feel to be with other guys. Thats why you don't have sex before marriage with someone, because now you have temptation everywhere, learn your lesson from that now. Now she could be a rare breed and know exactly what she wants now, and marry you tomorrow without any hesitation. But then again I could win the lottery tomorrow as well, so you never know what life brings. Now you may think this is harsh but I do this because I'm tired of people that see the signs and try to deny them and think they can change the persons mind or try to make things better. You can't! You can only be YOU! Thats who she wanted in the first place. If she doesn't want you now, she won't want you later, at least in the near future. You can't read girls minds, but I will say that you now need to rethink somethings. first is she really worth the headache of trying to keep her interest? If she is then how you get that interest must me carefully planned. You do not get that interest by buying her flowers everyday and writing poetry until for fingers bleed. You have to show her that you are still interested in her, but also that you could find someone else too! If she thinks that you will always be there why the heck would she not look at other people! You need to start creating an identity separate from her, so that there is something new for her to find out about you. Right now to her you are dull,...been there done that, know everything about him. You might as well kiss her feet too! Its time to start rebuilding yourself. I"m not saying start ignoring her, just show other interests as well.

[Ken102]

hey thank you soo much for using your time to read all my crap, i have been talking to her and everything seems normal now. It seems as if shes crazily in love with me again, and when i tell her how scared and worried i was about the stuff she has said to me she said she knows and that she is sorry, and she said its because her parents have been telling her stories about this couple that broke up and blablabla, and thats why she asked me about it, and shes telling me now how much she loves me and needs me and stuff

 

but im not sure ? could she be lying ? should i beleive her ?

[Vertex]

She likely got over the guilt. I think it's extremely probable that she cheated on you. She mentioned that the conversation was over stories that her parents told her? Why didn't she mention this before? I thought she just "wanted to make you mad"? Furthermore, before she had even said that, her story was that there actually was someone involved.

 

In other words, she's changing her story -- twice, so far. I'd be very cautious if I were you.

 

This is the sort of logic that takes place where dishonesty and infidelity are taking place. I've seen it too many times in too many relationships, even outside of my own.

[Ken102]

thank you alot vertex for your time, your reply has helped me figure out somethings and answered some of my questions. It would be nice to hear other peoples opnions. Btw everything seems to have got back to normal now and she said shes really sorry for asking me these questions, and how much she loves me and needs me and all these things, But i asked her i told her, i said "no, are you honestly telling me the truth because you know how much its hurting me or are you just saying it because you dont want to lose me, tell me honestly dont lie to me" and she said yeh shes telling the truth, i dont know what to beleive vertex.....

 

 

but sometimes she does do things like that, but never this serious, like when shes angry at me she says things like "im going to hold this guys hand tommorow" and "im going to talk to this guy tonight" but i know purely that she only saying that to get me angry and worried. but then again im not really sure cos at the time when she was telling me about this cheating stuff it seemed different but i dont know ?

 

 

 

anyway i thank you vertex again a thousand times for your reply ! i didnt think anyone would reply to my thingy lol thought it would take a few days

[Narf]

I think your in denial... I know she is saying she didnt do anything but i would put money that she did ...

You need to try remove yourself... If your mate came to you and said "My g/f said this what do you think??" What would you say?? What would you think?

 

Or think of it as if you cheated or were interested in someone else? She feels guilty cause she cheated ... She does care for you and might be in love but she doesnt see the relationship the same way anymore...

 

It is much easier to seek forgiveness then ask permission... She has tested how you would react... She isnt ready to lose you just yet...

Im truly sorry.. i have been in a relationship where he cheated and my gut was telling me this isnt right... but he would say no! I havent! I love you i dont know what i would do without you...

I am not her so in the slightest change she hasnt... She has hurt the trust you guys had! And that is hard to get back Why would anyone who is in love with another person ask those questions? Cause once they are asked the doubt comes in... She had to think about them before she asked... You dont just randomly say "Hey! What would you do if i cheated on you?" She should know the answer...

[GuerreroAzteca]

Good thing here is you are both young and have a lot to learn. You really just need to worry about yourself bud and get out of it. I'm sure you had hopes and dreams and it hurts to let those go. Sincerity is very important and she broke that.

[In Like Flynn]

Sorry one just does not just ask that!!! Especially that way and then back off so quickly saying what she said. But its your life....just keep you eyes open...your relationship has just lost all its luster!!! But it sounds like your very young so these type of relationships are the norm. You will have many more GF's that you are in love with and that are madly in love with you before you find the right one. You just can't picture or realise it. just enjoy yourself and don't take it so seriously.....she obviously wasn't when she cheated on you.

[Nikki Sahagin]

I actually disagree here with what the majority have said. Of course she may very well be cheating on you. There's no way for me to know! BUT sometimes people ask these questions as manifestations of their own worries i.e. she is worried she might lose you, so she wants to instill fear and doubt in you so that she is not worried on her own. I have done this myself in the past so I know! Nothing can reafirm your love for someone than fearing you could lose them to someone else! It may be far more innocent in that she in insecure and worried to lose you herself and so made up a cock and bull story to see how you'd feel. To see if YOU have any worries or doubts about losing her - to make her feel more secure. Sometimes it's a way of testing the water, don't get me wrong, a very childish, immature way, but i've done it, maybe she is too! You said you are both very protective of each other which indicates you might have certain dependency on one another. I don't know if you had trust issues BEFORE this but I would bet that you have issues of attachment, clinginess etc with one another.

 

I think you should consider the possibility that she might be insecure but definately recognise she may have cheated. Thing is from 1 small thing, it could be nothing or everything.