Still in love with her

[heartbroken1]

I was with my partner for 11.5 years, I had my suspicions for sometime she was cheating and I confronted her about it several times, but each time she denied it. Her friend finally confessed she was cheating and the number of 1 nite stands is in double figures. She then ran off to eygpt with the last one and left me high and dry. This happened several months ago but I miss her and would want the chance to make it work.

 

Why, I cant for the life of me understand why I would, she didn't apologise and said if I had a better job or proposed earlier that this would not have happened. Is this just bull**** on her part to make herself feel better?

 

I am in limbo and would love to hear from others in a similiar situation.

 

Thanks for reading!

[Vertex]

Why, I cant for the life of me understand why I would, she didn't apologise and said if I had a better job or proposed earlier that this would not have happened. Is this just bull**** on her part to make herself feel better?

 

 

It's definite bull****.

 

It's not worth getting upset over women who can pull off this kind of disloyalty and then not apologize for it, and then shift the blame to you. It's not because you "didn't have a better job" or "didn't propose earlier" -- it's because she has issues.

 

My ex was very similar to this in the sense that she never accepted responsibility for her actions and would blame me for her errors and lapses in judgment. Long story short, it all led to a very messy end. I'd advise you to cut it off as soon as you can. This girl sounds like trouble.

[itgirlragdoll]

I'd advise you to cut it off as soon as you can. This girl sounds like trouble.

 

Dude I think it's already pretty cut off. She ran away to Egypt with another guy.

[Bryanp]

You certainly need to move on because she has. The more important question to ask is why would you even want to be with a person who lied to your face and at the very least screwed over 10 men behind your back putting your health at great risk for STD's? Snap out of it and find someone else who can respect you and the meaning of being in a relationship. You would have to be a mascochist to wish to be with someone who could have been so cruel to you.

[Ken102]

wow 11.5 years..... thats a very very long time...im so so sorry .... i cant imagine how hard it is for you... i have been through similar but nowhere near 11.5 years...

 

listen now... i know its soo hard to let go... i know you love her and you think you can get over the things she has done and take her back. But beleive me my friend shes only going to do it again, if shes not willing to get back with you and went over to egypt with another guy....

 

thats a definite goodbye... dont blame yourself... i know my words here dont do much for you but, really i really do feel for you... i know it must be so hard for you, dont want her back... i know its hard but think about it man... she dosnt give a **** about you.... you should give a **** about her

 

Find a rebound, go out and have 1 night stands with as much women as possible, go shopping and spend alot of money, i know its hard and with an 11.5 year relationship the only way for myself i think i could ever move on and get over it is if i get another partner ASAP

[theobserver]

I too really feel for you Heartbroken, you invested all those years and in the end you found out from her friend and she couldn't even apologize. On the other hand this is just one side of the story I have no idea how you treated her over these 11.5 years, not to mention you had questioned her of cheating over the years so there was obviously some distrust.

 

Personally presuming you were just your average partner, you had your average ups and downs I'm guessing while you may of accused her in the past there was good reason but you always hoped you were wrong so when you were told your suspicions were true this was a deep shock. The truth is as said above your girl checked out a long time ago. The fact she was clubbing along without you is always red flags for me there's nothing wrong with a girls night out but I get the feeling this was more then a one-two time a month thing.

 

Listen the fact she didn't even apologise for the countless men she's slept with while with you says a lot there's nothing to salvage here. Her excuse as to why she did it is rather unsympathetic and disgusting , I'm sorry that you've spent a great deal of time with this woman and feel attached but really she doesn't love you and you just need to heal and yes perhaps even have a few one night stands of your own before you get back into a serious relationship (make sure the women your with KNOW THIS)

 

Also going on holiday with one of her one night stands is rather tacky this woman sounds very immature or is just a free spirit that was never meant to settle down.

 

Best of luck with your future.

[reservoirdog1]

The woman you'd like to have a second chance with, buddy, is a selfish, amoral, disloyal c*** with no conscience. (I don't use that word lightly.)

 

Of course you miss her, because you miss the good times. Of course you love her -- you were with her for 11 years. That's a long time. She'd become, so you thought, a permanent fixture in your life, one of the safe harbours in the midst of life's uncertainties. Turns out, she was one of the uncertainties as well.

 

She screwed multiple men while supposedly committed to you. She lacks sufficient conscience or emotional maturity to even apologize, and blames you instead in a pathetic way.

 

I've been where you are. I was with my XW for about 11 years. We dated for four years before getting married. After seven years of marriage, she admitted she'd been miserable for most of it, and had cheated several times, including during the engagement and again shortly after the wedding (and others).

 

For at least a year after the split, I would have seriously considered getting back with her, for the same reasons you described. But we stayed apart, and that's a good thing. Five years have passed since we split, and we've reached a point where we can be friendly with each other and get along quite well (we have two kids, and were it not for them, I would probably have cut her out of my life entirely). One thing that's made this possible is that she's been very apologetic and repentant.

 

It takes time to get beyond the longing. What you need to do, my friend, is try to channel your emotions. Try to stop thinking about the good times or the things you miss, and start thinking about the sh*t she did to you. You want to take the sadness and channel it into anger. The reason being, anger feels a lot better than sadness. You want your primary thought of her to be "that f***ing bitch -- how dare she do that to me. I deserve better than her. She's not good enough for me." Sadness just saps you and makes you want to curl up in a corner and die. Anger gets your heart pumping, and can motivate you to DO things and make changes in your life.

 

Getting over a long relationship takes time. It took me about 2.5-3 years to get it out of my system, and there are occasional twinges. But I've moved ahead in my life and things are way better without her than they were with her.

 

One more thing: start dating again. Sleep with somebody else. I'm not saying that flippantly, I mean it. I slept with another woman within a week of the split that XW wanted (we'd tried to reconcile for two months and she ended that because she didn't want to try anymore). And it felt righteous -- a big "f*** you" to the ex. Because one thing you're probably feeling is humiliation, and wondering if another woman will want you. You need to prove to yourself that you don't need your ex, for ANYTHING.

 

Good luck buddy... it'll all get better from here.