AdamSocial Posted September 1, 2003 Share Posted September 1, 2003 I've been in a relationship off and on for the past 8 months. Definitely not my longest relationship, but definitely my best. I love this girl more than anything. We had an issue a few months back, that she was sort of seeing another guy, but broke it off to be with me... but remained friends with him... which I really didn't like... I have issues with trust. Eventually, that guy proved that he was a complete scumbag, and tried ruining the friendship by kissing her. She told him to F off, and we get back together, and promised to forget, and not mention what had happened with the other guy anymore. So a few nights ago (I stay at her house pretty often) I was going to use her computer to check my email, and she ran over and closed a window. I had thoughts, but said nothing. Then the next night, I went out and got HAMMERED. Completely drunk. I called her, and she really didn't know that I was drunk, but she had to get up early the next day, and asked that I not come over. This set something off in my brain, and I ended up bringing the computer thing up, accusing her of talking to him. I also apparently threatened to kill myself (I'm not suicidal, but I make offhand refferences with the morbid constantly when enraged) She breaks up with me. I find out that she was talking to my friend, planning to take me 5 hours away to see my favorite band. So I feel like an ass. She said that the only way that she'd take me back, is that I become more secure with myself, and stop with all the self-loathing. Any hints on where to start? I can't afford a shrink, and I really don't want a god.. just a good jumping off point, with things I can do to start liking myself more. Thanks. Adam. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 1, 2003 Share Posted September 1, 2003 There have been quite a few good books written on developing self-esteem. My suggestion is to head down to your nearest bookstore or library and thumb through the self-esteem books and pick one that you think speaks to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Skylark_Mesa Posted September 5, 2003 Share Posted September 5, 2003 Trust me, it is awesome. And i never read anything.. You can just look at the table of contents and read whatever chapter sounds good at the time, but it REALLY HELPS A LOT. I promise. It basically saved me. It's called "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" By David Burns. Even my therapist was recommending i get it until i told her I already have it Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted September 6, 2003 Share Posted September 6, 2003 ok, sweet babies: first, by getting drunk and accusatory, you are enacting the same role of 'jerk guy,' but that's not really you, is it? you actually sound very cool, just sensitive. being determines consciousness. go out and exercise; go out in nature; hunt or fish if need be; do something that will make you understand how powerful you can be. jealously indicates insecurity, not passion. get to know your own potential again. if you're not the outdoors type, try out some hard-ass philosophers to get through the nights. anyone with a tendency towards the morbid is pretty awesome in my books, don't waste your time with people who do not appreciate you. xox j Link to post Share on other sites
Rhino Posted September 6, 2003 Share Posted September 6, 2003 [color=indigo][/color] From personal experience I know some of what the girl is feeling. I went through some of it with my ex(husband). Granted it took me almost five years to finally call if "final". If you can't trust her or have trust issues you can not lay it on her. It is something you must deal with yourself. I had my ex accuse me of things and even say the dreaded about my telling him the truth about a guy I was conversing with "I doubt...". I think you should see where the root of your insecurities are or you won't know where to start. Try men's groups, I know this sounds "scary" but they are there to help as there are others, many others, in your similar boat. My ex was because he had been cheated on more than once before with other people but if you take those experiences with you and the thinking as well then all your future relationships will be doomed as well as your "current". Let her talk to guys, even that guy. If you feel she can be trusted then do just that - trust her. She already demonstrated that as soon as he tried something she put a stop to it and she told you about it - something she really didn't have to do if she didn't want to be honest with you. I know I am rambling on and I apologize for that but having gone through similar experiences that turned into an somewhat abusive relationship I do have a voice that I want you to hear and take to heart. Try this article and focus on your doubt so that you can trust again. Link to post Share on other sites
Rhino Posted September 6, 2003 Share Posted September 6, 2003 whoops, guess I should have pasted the link http://www.afromerica.com/improvement/doubt.htm Link to post Share on other sites
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