Npd

[Humbleman]

I visited my doctor recently after going to see him about my worsening depression, I have been depressed on and off for three and a bit years and only recently decided top seek help from someone after I almost drank myself death, I was violently sick for three days and thought I was going to die.

 

My doctor referred me to Mental Health Department; I saw them they diagnosed me as having NPD, but I demanded a second opinion, so I saw a therapist a few days ago and was diagnosed with NPD. In the flash of lightening my whole world is tipped upside down. I didn’t even know much about Narcissism until I was diagnosed with the disorder.

 

I had to tell the gentleman who I was speaking to my life story from when I was a teenager and before I could finish he had already made the diagnosis.

 

Later that night I sat down and read about Narcissism on the Internet. I soon began to realize that I fit into every aspect of the disorder.

 

I have a grandiose sense of self-importance, I was the best player on the soccer team in high school and when I was left on the substitutes, I got up from the bench and walked home to the dismay of the soccer coach and the team. I never went back to play soccer for my high school for the duration of high school.

 

I’ve always been pre-occupied with fantasies of being wealthy, successful and I have always fantasized about my perfect girlfriend. I’ve had three long term relationships and none of these women met my expectations, they were nice women, women that can get many men, but I somehow I always felt superior to them, I never felt they were perfect in anyway and I would often character assassinate them with my friends. They never found out about what I was doing behind their backs with my friends. I would often have sex and fantasize about the image of my perfect girlfriend, because if I didn’t, I couldn’t climax. I didn’t find this an oddity; because I realized that many people fantasize about different people during sex.

 

I’ve always believed I was special, special in my fields of excellence. I’ve always believed I am special in appearance, I also believe there isn’t anyone else like me.

 

I’ve always required approval and admiration, I love being admired, my past girlfriend’s didn’t admire me enough, I wanted to be admired by them as if I was an Michael-Angelo Sculpture and when they didn’t admire me enough, I went elsewhere where I was admired.

 

I have a sense of self entitlement too, I was rejected by two companies after I had convinced myself that I was entitled to these jobs, I had the qualifications, in fact I had too many qualifications for both jobs and I had the confidence and personality and when I was rejected it reduced me to tears, anger and frustration that these half-wit employers would employ people not even fit enough to lick my shoes clean.

 

I’ve interpersonally exploited people before, my ex-girlfriends, my friends and family have been victims.

 

I have no empathy for anyone but myself, my ex girlfriend was down in the dumps about the split of her family and I offered no support to her and told her to get over herself, as I had my own problems and wasn’t interested in hers.

 

I am often envious of people, I have a BMW in my drive, but my boss has an Aston Martin DB7 and I want his car, I even considered downgrading my house to have car as expensive as his. I’ve been called arrogant and haughty, but I disagree I am confident.

 

What I want to know is if NPD affects potential relationships? I’m dating a girl I met on business, she doesn’t work for the same company as me, and I have been diagnosed with NPD in the midst of dating her. Should I tell her? What are the consequences for disclosing this? I also do not understand why NPD even exists or the consequences of having it. I am adamant there is nothing wrong with me and I have seen the same traits in many men and women and yet I doubt these men and women have been diagnosed with NPD.

[Geishawhelk]

My doctor referred me to Mental Health Department; I saw them they diagnosed me as having NPD, but I demanded a second opinion, so I saw a therapist a few days ago and was diagnosed with NPD.

 

Later that night I sat down and read about Narcissism on the Internet. I soon began to realize that I fit into every aspect of the disorder.

 

I have a grandiose sense of self-importance...

 

I’ve always been pre-occupied with fantasies of being wealthy, successful and I have always fantasized about my perfect girlfriend. I’ve had three long term relationships and none of these women met my expectations, they were nice women, women that can get many men, but I somehow I always felt superior to them, I never felt they were perfect in anyway and I would often character assassinate them with my friends.

 

I’ve always believed I was special, special in my fields of excellence. I’ve always believed I am special in appearance, I also believe there isn’t anyone else like me.

 

I’ve always required approval and admiration, I love being admired, my past girlfriend’s didn’t admire me enough, I wanted to be admired by them as if I was an Michael-Angelo Sculpture and when they didn’t admire me enough, I went elsewhere where I was admired.

 

I have a sense of self entitlement too.......

 

I’ve interpersonally exploited people before, my ex-girlfriends, my friends and family have been victims.

 

I have no empathy for anyone but myself.....

 

I am often envious of people, I have a BMW in my drive, but my boss has an Aston Martin DB7 and I want his car, ........I’ve been called arrogant and haughty, but I disagree I am confident.

 

What I want to know is if NPD affects potential relationships? ...... I am adamant there is nothing wrong with me and I have seen the same traits in many men and women and yet I doubt these men and women have been diagnosed with NPD.

 

You are in denial.

Forget having a relationship based on dishonesty.

You need treatment, and you also need to tell your GF what has gone on.

 

Your behaviour is most certainly not abnormal, but it's extreme.

I have met people with similar traits to yours, but they've never behaved in a way that would affect others or infringe upon their sentiments toi the extewnt your symptoms do.

 

The classic trait of someone with NPD is to deny there's anything wrong. it's all part of the disorder.

 

But there is, most certainly a problem there.

It will most certainly affect all and any relationships you have, and yes, you must admit to it, and face it and have it controlled.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Love the moniker! Continue to read up on the disorder in order to understand. Being NPD isn't so bad, you've never known nor will you otherwise. Being related to someone who is NPD is a problem. I would simply stay out of committed relationships and never marry or have children.

 

I hope you will keep us updated. Has your therapist discussed any treatment for the NPD? What was it that caused you to go on the drinking binge? Are you reading "Malignant Self Love" by Sam Vaknin? It's the bible in my opinion. He has ton's of q&a's available on the net.

 

How old are you?

[Humbleman]

You are in denial.

Forget having a relationship based on dishonesty.

You need treatment, and you also need to tell your GF what has gone on.

 

Your behaviour is most certainly not abnormal, but it's extreme.

I have met people with similar traits to yours, but they've never behaved in a way that would affect others or infringe upon their sentiments toi the extewnt your symptoms do.

 

The classic trait of someone with NPD is to deny there's anything wrong. it's all part of the disorder.

 

But there is, most certainly a problem there.

It will most certainly affect all and any relationships you have, and yes, you must admit to it, and face it and have it controlled.

 

I have problems trusting medical advice from professionals. Let’s be honest, I think every single human being can be diagnosed with some form of mental illness at any stage in our lives and whose right is it to judge someone based on their personality traits?

 

I will tell the woman I am dating when the time is right, I’m sure she will cancel any dates we’ve planned after she reads what NPD encompasses, people seem to paint NPD sufferers as being sub-human, there’s an unjust stigma about being NPD, not that I feel as though I suffer from NPD, I feel normal, apart the ups and downs of life and the occasional time where depression hits in, I’m sure each and everyone of us has suffered from a bout of depression before.

 

I read somewhere that everyone is a narcissist to various degrees, therefore why isn’t everyone diagnosed with the disorder? I honestly do not believe I suffer from NPD. I might have narcissistic tendencies, but I am adamant there has been a misdiagnosis on the part of the medical professionals. It’s a term that has been coined since 1980, it’s just another pigeon hole to place a tiny minority, in fact the medical professionals do not have any estimates as to how many people suffer with NPD, if they do at all?

 

Love the moniker! Continue to read up on the disorder in order to understand. Being NPD isn't so bad, you've never known nor will you otherwise. Being related to someone who is NPD is a problem. I would simply stay out of committed relationships and never marry or have children.

 

I hope you will keep us updated. Has your therapist discussed any treatment for the NPD? What was it that caused you to go on the drinking binge? Are you reading "Malignant Self Love" by Sam Vaknin? It's the bible in my opinion. He has ton's of q&a's available on the net.

 

How old are you?

 

I understand the basic principles of what the disorder does and more importantly what it is. Do you mean that we so called “NPD” sufferers should refrain from getting into committed relationships? My doctor has suggested psychosocial therapy and other forms of therapy, there ‘s no medication for NPD sufferers, but they do have to get in contact with your family to inform them of what is wrong with me and I’ll have to remain in hospitalization for several days.

[You'reasian]

I visited my doctor recently after going to see him about my worsening depression, I have been depressed on and off for three and a bit years and only recently decided top seek help from someone after I almost drank myself death, I was violently sick for three days and thought I was going to die. .

 

Sorry to hear this...can you attend an alcohol-related dependency program? Please slow down your drinking for your health's sake.

 

 

I have a grandiose sense of self-importance, I was the best player on the soccer team in high school and when I was left on the substitutes, I got up from the bench and walked home to the dismay of the soccer coach and the team. I never went back to play soccer for my high school for the duration of high school. .

 

Congratulations on being a great soccer player! I assume you went to a highschool in the north? Soccer hadn't really become a very highly organized HS sport until recent - no?

 

 

I’ve always required approval and admiration, I love being admired, my past girlfriend’s didn’t admire me enough, I wanted to be admired by them as if I was an Michael-Angelo Sculpture and when they didn’t admire me enough, I went elsewhere where I was admired. .

 

Do you have a Michael-Angelo physique? That would help.

 

I have a sense of self entitlement too, I was rejected by two companies after I had convinced myself that I was entitled to these jobs, I had the qualifications, in fact I had too many qualifications for both jobs and I had the confidence and personality and when I was rejected it reduced me to tears, anger and frustration that these half-wit employers would employ people not even fit enough to lick my shoes clean. .

 

We are entitled to nothing, my friend....

 

 

I have no empathy for anyone but myself, my ex girlfriend was down in the dumps about the split of her family and I offered no support to her and told her to get over herself, as I had my own problems and wasn’t interested in hers. I am often envious of people, I have a BMW in my drive, but my boss has an Aston Martin DB7 and I want his car, I even considered downgrading my house to have car as expensive as his. I’ve been called arrogant and haughty, but I disagree I am confident.

 

What I want to know is if NPD affects potential relationships? I’m dating a girl I met on business, she doesn’t work for the same company as me, and I have been diagnosed with NPD in the midst of dating her. Should I tell her? What are the consequences for disclosing this? I also do not understand why NPD even exists or the consequences of having it. I am adamant there is nothing wrong with me and I have seen the same traits in many men and women and yet I doubt these men and women have been diagnosed with NPD.

 

Congratulations on having a BMW!

 

Most people would dream at the chance to own and drive the car. Do you feel like its not enough?

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Do you mean that we so called “NPD” sufferers should refrain from getting into committed relationships?

 

Yes, I do. If truly you have NPD, which is completely different from narcissistic tendancies.

 

Let’s be honest, I think every single human being can be diagnosed with some form of mental illness at any stage in our lives and whose right is it to judge someone based on their personality traits?

 

Agreed, but those mental illnesses don't necessarily mean that they will ruin the lives of those around them. It is a personality disorder... to diagnose it you have to assess the personality traits. Narcissist do not like to be judged by others.

 

in fact the medical professionals do not have any estimates as to how many people suffer with NPD, if they do at all?

 

That's because...

 

but I am adamant there has been a misdiagnosis on the part of the medical professionals.

 

Stick around, there are several people here who have lived/live with someone with NPD. It isn't so bad for you, unless for some reason you are enduring a fair amount of narcissistic injury, which won't last for long because you will move on without a second thought i.e.... the soccer team.

 

The beauty of Vaknin's work is that he is himself an admitted N.

[amaysngrace]

My exH is npd. Bigtime. Let me guess. Every woman you meet is the woman of your dreams? Until she does something "human"? Or calls you out on your over-inflated ego?

 

Let me guess. No one is as good at your job as you are? You're the best. They are morons and the place would cave in if you failed to show up?

 

Haughty? OMG yes. Try waiting in line once in a while. Find every negative descriptive for the girl behind the counter why don't you?

 

NPDs can't love anyone the way they need to be loved. They don't even love themselves. Yes on the outside they act like they're perfect. Nobody is better. But deep down they truly dislike themselves.

 

I've never heard of anyone getting better from this personality disorder. I would guess it would take going back to square one with an empty slate and builiding on from there. I have no idea how someone re-programs themselves in that way.

 

Who you are isn't you at all. It's just a reflection of the people you come in contact with.

 

It is a very sad thing indeed.

 

And like the others have said, you will only damage those who give you their love. It's inevitable.

 

What do the doctors say on how they plan to help you with this?

[Trialbyfire]

I sincerely wonder if you're for real.

[amaysngrace]

I sincerely wonder if you're for real.

 

I told my exH that too. "You seem too good to be true".

 

I was an idiot back in the day and he played me like a fiddle.

 

On the bright side he was easy to leave. I packed up lots of crap from the house and drawers were empty for days but he was too self-absorbed to notice.

 

[Nemo]

, I also believe there isn’t anyone else like me.

That's true enough. You are unique. Just like everybody else.

 

Anyway, NPD is an invention. There's no such thing, and it's pure psychobabble.

 

What you have is a male ego. Sure, it may be a little out of control, but that's all part of the male condition. A male that doesn't appear confident and "better than all other males" is destined for the scrapheap. Just tone it down a smidgeon, so that you don't always appear arrogant. It's a fine line sometimes.

[Trialbyfire]

I told my exH that too. "You seem too good to be true".

 

I was an idiot back in the day and he played me like a fiddle.

 

On the bright side he was easy to leave. I packed up lots of crap from the house and drawers were empty for days but he was too self-absorbed to notice.

 

Haha...about the self-absorption!

 

No, the way this person states his issues in the opening post, sounds more like someone pretending, than real NPD.

[Storyrider]

It is interesting to explore the line between a psychological issue versus an ethical one. There is a lot of blurring. Psychology tries to look at the cause, but the cause is only useful if it helps with the effect. If you're making yourself and others miserable, then it is your choice whether to move towards changing that or not.

[amaysngrace]

No, the way this person states his issues in the opening post, sounds more like someone pretending, than real NPD.

 

NPDs are initially good actors. So it would follow the definition.

 

I think that's the first impression they give others. Unless you're the girl behind the counter.

[Trialbyfire]

NPDs are initially good actors. So it would follow the definition.

 

I think that's the first impression they give others. Unless you're the girl behind the counter.

My cheating ex-H had diagnosed NPD so this disorder isn't something new to me. Having said that, each NPDer will have similar but different ways of expressing themselves. Most aren't clinical though.

[Nemo]

It is interesting to explore the line between a psychological issue versus an ethical one. There is a lot of blurring. Psychology tries to look at the cause, but the cause is only useful if it helps with the effect. If you're making yourself and others miserable, then it is your choice whether to move towards changing that or not.

Yes, this is precisely my problem with modern psychology. Much more of an art, than a science. Fictitious conditions abound, invented as excuses for behaviour that needs to be owned. It makes the patient feel so much better to hear that it's "out of their control," but it is, of course, completely counter-productive. You can put a label on unseasonable behaviour, but it conveniently glosses over the issue of personal responsibility.

[Storyrider]

Yes, this is precisely my problem with modern psychology. Much more of an art, than a science. Fictitious conditions abound, invented as excuses for behaviour that needs to be owned. It makes the patient feel so much better to hear that it's "out of their control," but it is, of course, completely counter-productive. You can put a label on unseasonable behaviour, but it conveniently glosses over the issue of personal responsibility.

Maybe it isn't completely counter-productive, if taken with a grain of salt. Labels are only useful as a starting place but not an ending place. Knowing myself is helpful, so that I can better understand what tendencies I'm trying to tame or curb, or better yet, channel.

 

With his ego, the OP might make a really good executive (or heart surgeon, lol). I don't think we could have a Patton or a Mick Jagger or a Picasso without big egos. The OP needs to be able to recognize when he's doing "his racket" if you will, if he wants to channel it properly.

 

For me, I can say that I am an "extreme introvert", and that is why I have a tendency to withdraw from my kids as they become more clamoring and demanding. I can say that I like to have this unbroken internal flow of thought because it is the main thing that makes me feel good, and interruptions to that are disruptive to my feelings of well-being.

 

That doesn't change the fact that I shouldn't withdraw from my kids, which is an ethical/moral issue. But it might help me to know what is driving me, so maybe I can redirect myself or meet those needs in some other way that isn't as damaging to my kids and relationships in general.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Haha, Nemo, this reminds me of my friend who lives in a resort area on an island. A lot of the people who live there party a lot- drink too much and do too many drugs. They all say they are bipolar, but really, their mood swings have more to do with the substances they are putting in their bodies.

[Humbleman]

No, the way this person states his issues in the opening post, sounds more like someone pretending, than real NPD.

 

Why would I pretend to have a mental illness?

 

You’re right though I am adamant that I do not have NDP and I’m very doubtful it even exists.

[Humbleman]

My cheating ex-H had diagnosed NPD so this disorder isn't something new to me. Having said that, each NPDer will have similar but different ways of expressing themselves. Most aren't clinical though.

 

That doesn't make any sense. How can a persons expression be similar, yet different? I fail to understand what you are attempting to convey.

[whichwayisup]

The question is, if you get another opinion and another one...And another one, and then you get the same results, would you be willing to do counselling so you can control the NPD?

 

Now that you're aware of certain traits that you have, ones that drive people who DO care about you OUT of your life, would you be willing to make more effort, put friends, family first more often? Maybe care more, show empathy and sympathy for others? BE a friend and give - Instead of taking and feeling like you're above it all?

 

IF you really want a healthy relationship, you need to work on "you", be honest with yourself.

[Federica]

I've been kind and not handed 'penalties' out this time. But please stay on topic, thank you.

[Humbleman]

The question is, if you get another opinion and another one...And another one, and then you get the same results, would you be willing to do counselling so you can control the NPD?

 

Now that you're aware of certain traits that you have, ones that drive people who DO care about you OUT of your life, would you be willing to make more effort, put friends, family first more often? Maybe care more, show empathy and sympathy for others? BE a friend and give - Instead of taking and feeling like you're above it all?

 

IF you really want a healthy relationship, you need to work on "you", be honest with yourself.

 

I fail to comprehend how NPD can be controlled? There’s no medication for NPD, only psychodynamic or cognitive-behavioural treatments which I have been forced into taking, when I meant forced I have decided to go along with this shared so people will get off my case and stop bringing my mood down.

 

I’m not a people person, nor am I family orientated, Thanksgiving and Christmas are two times of the year I seldom enjoy, for the simple fact of being interrogated about my life and my friends have seldom been there for me when I needed them, when I needed an inflation of the ego, or when I fell on hardships. But, yes, I can and will try to be more of a people person and make more of an effort.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I fail to comprehend how NPD can be controlled?

 

It is rare that it can. In very few cases, one can learn to curtail ones hurtful actions but you will not learn empathy. You seem to have no motivation to even desire change in yourself. Your time would be better spent IMO detatching from your friends and family who have never been there for you anyway.

[Humbleman]

I’ve just phoned my parents to inform them I will be travelling across four states to see them and spend Christmas with them. I have organised a night in a bar with three friends and the first few round of drinks will be paid for by me. How is that? I seldom spend anytime with parents, as I have a strained relationship with them and I seldom buy my friends anything. What more do people want from me? I am detached from everyone; I am so detached my friend s seldom invites me anywhere and I seldom talk to my family. I have also decided against following up my interest in the girl I was dating, how is that for effort? I want a relationship and know I can’t sustain one, again what more do people want from me?

 

As a Republican, I voted for Obama today, because I see him a new figurehead that will lead America into a new beginning, again what more do people want from me?

[whichwayisup]

I fail to comprehend how NPD can be controlled? There’s no medication for NPD, only psychodynamic or cognitive-behavioural treatments which I have been forced into taking, when I meant forced I have decided to go along with this shared so people will get off my case and stop bringing my mood down.

 

I’m not a people person, nor am I family orientated, Thanksgiving and Christmas are two times of the year I seldom enjoy, for the simple fact of being interrogated about my life and my friends have seldom been there for me when I needed them, when I needed an inflation of the ego, or when I fell on hardships. But, yes, I can and will try to be more of a people person and make more of an effort.

 

If you do counselling and work on it, want to work on it, make the effort then yeah, it can be controlled..Maybe not ALL the time, but the majority of time. CBT will help, as you mentioned in your reply..

 

I do have a question, why do you let other people dictate your moods? Or is that part of the problem, the NPD.

 

You don't have to become Mr Social Butterfly, but those who are IN your life, need to know you care about them, that it's a two-way street..

 

I’ve just phoned my parents to inform them I will be travelling across four states to see them and spend Christmas with them. I have organised a night in a bar with three friends and the first few round of drinks will be paid for by me. How is that? I seldom spend anytime with parents, as I have a strained relationship with them and I seldom buy my friends anything. What more do people want from me? I am detached from everyone; I am so detached my friend s seldom invites me anywhere and I seldom talk to my family. I have also decided against following up my interest in the girl I was dating, how is that for effort? I want a relationship and know I can’t sustain one, again what more do people want from me?

 

As a Republican, I voted for Obama today, because I see him a new figurehead that will lead America into a new beginning, again what more do people want from me?

 

You sound quite annoyed that you've made a big effort, like there has to be some big pay off.. I guess you've never done something nice for someone, just for no particular reason. Unless you benefit from it.. I don't mean to be rude to you, I'm trying to understand where you're coming from on this.

 

What do YOU think people want from you?

 

Also, why did you decide not to follow up on dating that girl? Though she's probably better off because eventually you'll hurt her, from the sounds of it, you're not really wanting anything serious, anything that requires effort and I guess I just answered my own question as to why you called it off with her.