anya85 Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 So my ex broke up with me about 5 weeks ago. He said he saw me as a friend and he wasn't sure why. He says we have so much in common, we get along so well, he thinks I'm great(blah blah blah), but we just didn't have an "intense" relationship. He said he wanted to remain friends and that maybe something would happen in the future. So...I went along with that for a little while. We messaged each other back and forth several weeks--mostly him contacting me, but I was friendly and messaged him sometimes too. Then I started getting frustrated because the "small talk" never went anywhere and I decided to try and let go and go on with my life. I deleted him off all my friends lists online so I couldn't see when he was on, removed everything about him from my sight and I started to feel a lot better after a few days. Not knowing what was going on with him really seemed to help. So I avoided him for 5 days until he messaged me online today through an online game we both play(I hadn't logged on since Tuesday). He wanted to know how I was, if I had a good halloween because he knows it's my favorite holiday, when I told him it was great--he wanted to know what I did and wanted more details. So I told him I went to a party w/ a friend. He told me he stayed at home and had candy for trick or treaters, but none came so he had ended up eating the candy himself. Then I logged off because I didn't want to linger too long. Why does he insist on talking to me? I think maybe he's lonely, maybe depressed...it seems like all he does these past few months is play this online game. Here in lies my question. My problem is that if I continue to play this online game that he also plays, he WILL contact me...I know it. He's a really nice guy and has never done anything at all to me, we had never even fought once. He has a good heart and I feel bad just straight up ignoring him or telling him to stop talking to me as he was always so considerate and kind to me. What can I do? Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 So my ex broke up with me about 5 weeks ago. He said he saw me as a friend and he wasn't sure why. He says we have so much in common, we get along so well, he thinks I'm great(blah blah blah), but we just didn't have an "intense" relationship. He said he wanted to remain friends and that maybe something would happen in the future. So...I went along with that for a little while. We messaged each other back and forth several weeks--mostly him contacting me, but I was friendly and messaged him sometimes too. Then I started getting frustrated because the "small talk" never went anywhere and I decided to try and let go and go on with my life. I deleted him off all my friends lists online so I couldn't see when he was on, removed everything about him from my sight and I started to feel a lot better after a few days. Not knowing what was going on with him really seemed to help. So I avoided him for 5 days until he messaged me online today through an online game we both play(I hadn't logged on since Tuesday). He wanted to know how I was, if I had a good halloween because he knows it's my favorite holiday, when I told him it was great--he wanted to know what I did and wanted more details. So I told him I went to a party w/ a friend. He told me he stayed at home and had candy for trick or treaters, but none came so he had ended up eating the candy himself. Then I logged off because I didn't want to linger too long. Why does he insist on talking to me? I think maybe he's lonely, maybe depressed...it seems like all he does these past few months is play this online game. Here in lies my question. My problem is that if I continue to play this online game that he also plays, he WILL contact me...I know it. He's a really nice guy and has never done anything at all to me, we had never even fought once. He has a good heart and I feel bad just straight up ignoring him or telling him to stop talking to me as he was always so considerate and kind to me. What can I do? Sounds like you're rejecting a nice guy.... Well, I don't know what to say - find a guy that you are attracted to and go out with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author anya85 Posted November 3, 2008 Author Share Posted November 3, 2008 I'm not rejecting him, he broke up with me! Then I got tired of being friendly with him hoping he'd change his mind and stopped talking to him, but he's still contacting me. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 Listen . He genuinely likes you and wants to talk. Problem : He does not want you romantically. Time to move on and date others. Do it for you own mental health. Link to post Share on other sites
ioncebelieved Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 Hmmm... Sounds like he is talking to you because he is ridden with guilt. I do not recall you saying that you were bad to him. Drop off the face of the earth and if he sincerely wants you.. he will find you. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 So, OP, do you think the two of you have a lot in common? Would make good friends (non-romantic)? How do you feel about him right now? Could you be a friend? If so, I'm sure he'd be happy to meet your next date Nothing like a little reality slap to clarify things for a guy. Oh, and stop the online game....maybe later Link to post Share on other sites
lofi_tokyo Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 Quit the online game for SURE! I stopped playing WoW when my ex and I split. He played I played, was bad. I hated quitting a game over my ex, but you know what? It forced me to go outside and be more social... and it feels nice to break free. Give it a shot! Link to post Share on other sites
gd26 Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 He is stringing you along. Basically that means he is hoping to find a woman who is 'intense enough'. However, he still likes you as a person.... and losing the closeness you had for good would shake him up too much, and suddenly make him feel lonely. Therefore, in order to avoid feeling lonely, he continues to keep in touch with you (which also helps to avoid him feeling guilty for breaking up with you). In addition to helping him also to not feel lonely, it gives him a chance to look out for other women without guilt. The thing is that as soon as he finds someone else, he will easily transition from you to her without having to go through the pain of emotional withdrawal. Keeping you on the backburner totally benefits him.... but you are the one whose feelings should be considered here. Doing what he is doing prevents YOU from being able to move on fully. It's not fair to you, and you should have the chance to stop contact with him so that you can move forward in your life. I say this from experience, because I went through this situation a few years ago. My guy told me that we weren't a couple... but continued to email me, drive by my place unexpectedly, spend time with me and my family, etc. He told me not to stop talking to him, because he would be "shattered", as he said. I missed him and hoped we would be together again, so I continued to be in touch with him, go to his concerts, be affectionate with him, etc. He got to have his cake and eat it too. However, as soon as he found a new girl, he stopped all contact and I had to go through the pain all over again while he never had to suffer... as he was busy falling in love with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
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