being forgetful or self centered

[jasperlynx]

Im still having extreme problems with my marriage and things just dont get any better. My question is? Forgetting to do things around they house with a very hectic schedule, does that mean that im inconsiderate and self centerd? I dont mean to forget but I am so preoccupied. If I say im sorry I forgot, I get "sorry does not mean anything to Me, your just self-centered and inconsiderate" Is that harsh to say to me? This has been going on for years.

[Geishawhelk]

The biggest cause of arguments in any domestic arrangement where both people work, is the housework. This still seems to fall to the woman, and unfortunately, it seems women still do the major part of dishwashing, washing and cleaning, laundry and general housework.

I'm not saying that no men ever do, but it is the highest cause of rows, after money management.

It seems some men really just "don't see it".....

 

Maybe you could write yourself a list, or jiffy notes and stick them where you can see them.

 

"Dave, put the rubbish out Tuesday nights!"

 

or "put your socks in the laundry basket!!"

 

or

 

"This is how the dishwasher/washing machine/vacuum cleaner works:"....

 

I'm not being puerile or sarcastic...I know guys who have to do this to stop WWIII happening regularly!!

[me4u2]

What's been going on for years? Her telling you off like that or you forgetting?

 

I don't believe it really has much to do with the housework as much as it was an opportunity for her to say what she was feeling regarding other matters. Sure, maybe she is sick of pulling most of the weight when it comes to the household chores, but I think she's blowing off steam. If I'm sick of picking up my husbands socks, I don't tell him he's self-centered - I tell him I'm sick of picking up his socks - the frustration is directed at the exact issue - not a generalized feeling about him.

[jwi71]

Hire a maid. I have one to clean the whole house (apartment really) save for laundry (which we take to the dry cleaners anyway).

 

Now you have a clean house and she has nothing to complain about. Unless of course, its not really about the cleaning.... Take away her complaint and see if she finds something else to complain about.

[carhill]

OP, it's about priorities. I'll bet, when you're working that important project with the boss breathing down your neck, you forget nothing, right?

 

If you want your M to succeed, your spouse needs to feel like it's a priority.

 

It's not about forgetting to do your household chores

 

Make a list of those chores, put it on the fridge, and look at it every night when you come home and set those priorities and plan that work. I'll bet you're real good at that.

[Ronni_W]

The suggestions to hire a maid service and write yourself "to do" lists (that you'll just have to remember to refer to every so often ), are excellent.

 

Forgetting to do things around they house with a very hectic schedule, does that mean that im inconsiderate and self centerd?

If you don't consider yourself to be an inconsiderate or self-centred person, then likely it doesn't mean that.

But it might be your unconscious way of trying to cope with any relationship imbalances (power struggles) that may exist in your relationship.

That is, the kind of 'forgetfulness' that you're engaging in (where it's not your deliberate intention yet it is constant/persistent) CAN be passive-aggressive behaviour intended to address any relationship inequalities that you might be experiencing on a conscious or unconscious level.

 

At the same time, it's true that "I'm so sorry I forgot...I didn't mean to" doesn't get the chores done or resolve the underlying internal and external issues that are driving your 'forgetfulness'. A "very hectic schedule" does not mitigate.

[2sure]

I have a very similar problem in my home. I am constantly having to remind someone to pick up their towels, empty the dishwasher, take out the trash, etc. It sounds trivial I know, but it is frustrating because when I have to remind (because it isnt done) I'm accused of nagging. And I hate feeling like that is how I am seen - as a nag. To top it off, I have been having to remind about these same things for years. For the first couple of years I wrote it off as preoccupation or forgetfullness, but at this point it is no more than blatant disrespect.

But my situation is different. I am referring to a 12 year old CHILD.

[jasperlynx]

I get the point.....

[2sure]

Ahhh...I bet you're cute. That explains much.

[jasperlynx]

I guess you could say that......cute and forgetfull. How about call Me Mr. Forgetfull. For some odd reason 2sure..you made me feel better.

[Ronni_W]

I guess you could say that......cute and forgetfull. How about call Me Mr. Forgetfull.

Er. You kinda made a strong case for "just self-centered and inconsiderate", with that.

Purposeful "forgetfulness" is what 2sure said it is, in post #7.

[ohmy3]

make yourself a note put on your car dashboard where you will remember, or set cell phone planner and alarm will go off ever day w/ the note there to see, it maybe very small task u forget -or choose not to do however it means ALOT when both help out!

[ohmy3]

it = rescept for 1 another ...........