mendsley Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 I have been trying to keep myself, mainly my mind, occupied since my wife left me over 2 months ago. As some as you know we were married for 10 years and she just up and left with the kids. Well I have been trying to figure things out and still I have NO clue on what she wants and I do not want to rush her into any rational decisions. 2 weeks ago I started going to church to help me meet new people, I have never been to any type of church in my life but I figure I will start trying new things. Well at church there is alot of women who are intrducing themselves and wanting my phone number so when they go out with their freinds I can join. I just want to be fair to my wife and not disrespect her or our marriage but she goes out with here freinds and family all the time to clubs and concerts. I don't think it will be a problem but these women that are wanting me to go along when they do stuff as friends, but I know where opposite sex freindships lead. Most are very beautiful and I am attracted to one in particular and she is showing interest. I am nervious that I will start to want to know more and more about this women. My wife and I are still married and are seperated, and I DO want to want to spend the rest of my life with her and the kids but as every day goes on but I feel she is pulling further away from me, her choice. I just don't know what to do, I have told these women my situation with my wife and they said I still can have to have freinds. Friends are okay but, all these friends are women, really hot women. I just don't know what to do! Thanks - Link to post Share on other sites
SingleDad Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 What are you thinking !!! W is gone 2 months and you are already contemplating other women ??? That would make any possible reconciliation that much more unlikely. Focus on yourself and your children. Even though your W walked out on your marriage... doesn't mean you are a swinging bachelor... How much does your 10 year marriage and children mean to you ? Do some introspection and thinking what went wrong in your marriage and see if time, space and healing can improve things with your W... Link to post Share on other sites
Author mendsley Posted November 3, 2008 Author Share Posted November 3, 2008 Hey SingleDad, I know that it's wrong to think this way. I am very confused with myself and my marriage. My wife has made it very clear on her Myspace and Facebook that she is single and available. She has been getting more and more guy friends on both networking sites that are "JUST FRIENDS". When I first saw that I was completely crushed, I have talked to her about it and she said she is going to leave it that way because it does not mean nothing. I guess I am feeling like if she can do that why can't I ? I am making every attempt to make myself better for my W and children but she has not made 1 attempt to improve on us. I feel like why should I put all this effort on us if she has put herself out there to be single? I can feel myself giving up, maybe thats weak on my part but I am getting emotionally tired. Maybe if there was some type of recricating effort from her, than it would lift my spirits? Thanks again SingleDad for your input. Link to post Share on other sites
SingleDad Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 Your W is testing the waters.... her friendships will quickly move past that... she is looking to have an affair. Try stepping up and show her how much you love her for a couple months - subtle and not begging. Not being weak - but compete for her affection. If that doesn't work then back off completely and show her that she is on her own. You may need to read up on "Surviving an Affair" and the plan A and plan B - It is discussed frequently on this site. Link to post Share on other sites
skinman Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 Hey SingleDad, I know that it's wrong to think this way. I am very confused with myself and my marriage. My wife has made it very clear on her Myspace and Facebook that she is single and available. She has been getting more and more guy friends on both networking sites that are "JUST FRIENDS". When I first saw that I was completely crushed, I have talked to her about it and she said she is going to leave it that way because it does not mean nothing. I guess I am feeling like if she can do that why can't I ? I am making every attempt to make myself better for my W and children but she has not made 1 attempt to improve on us. I feel like why should I put all this effort on us if she has put herself out there to be single? I can feel myself giving up, maybe thats weak on my part but I am getting emotionally tired. Maybe if there was some type of recricating effort from her, than it would lift my spirits? Thanks again SingleDad for your input. mendsley. I feel your pain I have been seperated for little over a week now. Yesterday my wife told me that she pretty much hated me and there was pretty much no chance of getting back together. She said she wanted somone that she could relate to and had things in common we have been together for almost 16 years and its killing me. I am the only one trying to save it my marriage. I finished moving out this wekend and when i got there she had all my stuff by the front door.. I said thanks for the help.. but it seemed like she couldnt wait to rid the house of any part of me. She said she no longer wanted me in her life and i should get the hint and accept it. Its tearing me up inside knowing how spitefull and vengefull she is and its only going to get worse.. so keep your head up and be strong.. granted this is coming from someone who hasnt yet been able to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mendsley Posted November 3, 2008 Author Share Posted November 3, 2008 Hello skinman and thank you for your support. I hope your situation with your W does improve for you. SingleDad I have a question with something you wrote, here is the quote; Try stepping up and show her how much you love her for a couple months - subtle and not begging. Not being weak - but compete for her affection. This might be a rediculous question, but how do I step up and show her that I do want to resolve our issues. I have thought I have been trying to do this but I am not seeing any change in her and the way she treats me. Thanks- Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 Go and have some fun. That should open your wife's eyes. The illusion of control over your wife is just that. Let her know you are going to move on without her. Be happy. That should be paramount. Link to post Share on other sites
n9688m Posted November 4, 2008 Share Posted November 4, 2008 Even though your W walked out on your marriage... doesn't mean you are a swinging bachelor... Ummm... yes it does. How much does your 10 year marriage and children mean to you ? There is no reason to think dating will reduce the odds of his marriage staying together. It might even increase the odds. Link to post Share on other sites
n9688m Posted November 4, 2008 Share Posted November 4, 2008 I finished moving out this wekend and when i got there she had all my stuff by the front door.. Why did you move out rather than her? Link to post Share on other sites
Bright Shadow Posted November 4, 2008 Share Posted November 4, 2008 Well I have been trying to figure things out and still I have NO clue on what she wants and I do not want to rush her into any rational decisions. Your wife has made her decision and it's not a rational one. It's an emotional one, but valid for her, nevertheless. She's shopping for the next guy. For her, the issues are already resolved. It's over. Sure, it's just my opinion, but I'll bet you a dollar your wife would back me. YOU need to accept that it's over. Anything else is just wishful thinking. So, you need to decide what to do next. I would recommend that you have a look at some of the relationship advice literature that's around. Make sure that you cover the spectrum, from Mars & Venus through to No More Mr. Nice Guy. You need to do an autopsy on your marriage. You need to work out where you screwed up. Yes, it's not all your fault, I know that, but you will have played some part in it, even if it goes right back to choosing an unsuitable woman to marry. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted November 4, 2008 Share Posted November 4, 2008 Go out with the GROUP of friends. I believe it's REALLY important to start getting out and socializing more. Meeting new people and having them like you for YOU is a huge boost to the self esteem, which is one step in regaining your life AND also potentially saving your marriage. That does not mean you go out and shag the first lady that comes your way. But I believe it's very healthy to get out and start making new friends, men and women friends, who get to know you and like you for you as a SINGLE person instead of knowing you as a married person. The two people in you tend to be different if you are going through a divorce. Your self esteem was probably at it's highest when you were single, and your wife fell in love with the single you, so anything to get back that confidence will strongly benefit you, whether it's to reconcile with your wife or moving onto the next chapter in your life. I agree that 2 months is fairly short to start dating. But I definitely do agree that you need to go out and have some fun, as long as it's in a group! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts