She broke up with me..but with good reason?

[AJSunny]

Hey all. It's been a while since I have been here, I didn't have access to a computer for a couple months. It's great to be back and reading the threads again. Well, here's what happened to me during that time. Still hurt and thinking about it but hope you can give me some advice.

This is a break up letter I got from my girlfriend ( yes we talked as well) and since she sums it up pretty well, I'll just cut and paste it here. Since I am letting all out anyway I thought it would be alright to use her direct words.

 

Dear AJ,

After the talks we have been having about our relationship, I decided to write you a letter and organize my thoughts to you. I am sorry the decision has come to this, but I am afraid with the many complications surrounding our relationship, I have no choice but to break up with you. It is something I should have thought about more carefully before committing to you and I am sorry to have to break it to you like this. But I thought it would be better to do it now than have our relationship progress and have to do it later with more pain involved.

 

I have been talking a lot with my parents, and though they think you are a really nice guy, they want me to date someone who is more compatible with me in the future long run, as in marriage. I know you have school to finish, and a lot of other things to do before you think of settling down. But for me, I am at an age where I do want to think about marriage, and to meet someone who is more on the same page as I am in terms of settling down, someone who I know can support me at this present time financially, economically, as I can support them. Please don't get me wrong. I care about you a whole lot, I know I was falling in love with you. But realisticaly speaking with our different timing in life right now, I don't have enough faith in you to wait around and see how things go...what if years down the road you want something else, someone else, what if things don't work out? You have time to get up and keep dating around until you find that someone. But for me, I just don't think I can take that chance. The time is too precious to me. I thought that by being with you, perhaps what we had could overcome all this. But with my parents wanting me to meet perhaps more compatible people who are right now at a stage in life where they are also thinking long term and are prepared, and I myself agreeing with them, I also came down to this choice. I also respect what my parents are saying too and thought hard about their advice before I made my own decision.

 

What also complicates matters is that you are the only man in my life I ever experienced a romantic experience with. I don't know if I really know what kind of man is right for me, who "the one" is because you have literally been the only man in my life so far. Do I really know if I love you? What do I have to base that on? I feel I need to get out there and experience more of that before I can truly say, "AJ IS the one for me." But I also want to think of marriage too. Because I am searching for that kind of serious permanent relationship, regardless of the little experience i have had with men. And I am 24 years old. You may think I am still young, but I don't. My parents don't, they have already got people they want to introduce to me. I want to settle down.

 

AJ I do want to be with you and had I met you sooner I would not have felt so pressured.. But I just don't think I can wait around for you to be ready for marriage and to ask that of you is plain ridiculous. So before our feelings get deeper I want to let you go, and hope that you meet a wonderful person who is on the same page as you, someone who truly does know what they want. I believe that one day, later in life, if we are truly meant to be, our paths will cross again. You will be on the same page as me, and I will be more sure of what I am feeling towards you after I have experienced more people...and if I still love you then, and you still love me then, I am going to move heaven and earth not to let you go again. But as of now, I just don't have that faith in myself. In you either. Again I am sorry I didn't think harder before getting into this with you.

 

I wish you happiness and love. If nothing ever works out between us later in time even, I am confident that we can be friends. But I know that will take a lot of time and some space from each other before that happens. It might sound selfish of me, but throwing all the romance aside, you have been nothing but a great friend to me, and I don't want to lose that. But if it's too hard to go back to being friends, then I understand.

Take care of yourself AJ. I will be in touch from time to time. And I hope you meet someone who can make you as happy as you have made me during the brief time we were together. I will miss you, but I think this is for the best. I hope that a day will come when we can be together without any doubts and obstacles. But for now, this is goodbye.

 

Love, ( I omitted her name)

 

I have never met any woman like this. She's sweet, caring, honest, everything...But she's from a culture where marriage is a huge thing at her age, and to top it off, she's from a really wealthy important family and I think her parents want the best guy for her. Someone who's all settled down and stable and all set to take her hand and I guess that's not me right now...

I guess my question to you is...is there more to it than what she says? It's not some elaborate excuse because she wants out is it? I really don't want to think that..but it just feels she is giving up on me so easily..I am accepting it but it hurts...does she really love me?

Thanks for reading all this.

[IRULE]

JUST SOUNDS TO ME LIKE HER PARENTS HAVE A LOT OF INFLUENCE AND SAY ABOUT WHAT SHE DOES THEY WANT SOMEONE TO MARRY HER AND PROVIDE FOR HER , SOUNDS LIKE SHE DOES NOT REALLY KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS IF SHE WAS INTO YOU THAT MUCH I DON'T THINK SHE WOULD LISTEN TO HER PARENTS, SHE'S PROBABLY NOT THE ONE FOR YOU.

[Baubles]

not sure what her culture is...but she writes that she's not sure you can support her financially- she's 24 and worried about that and her parents have this amount of control?!?!

 

It sounds that she does care a great deal for you- for various reasons though she's told you the situation, I doubt that will change- she seems unwilling to break free of the parent influence.