Which dreams are easier to pursue as a single person?

[sunshinegirl]

I wasn't sure where to post this, so mods feel free to move if appropriate.

 

I am single but hope to eventually marry. I'm almost 35 (yikes!) and would like to think that sometime in the next 3-5 years I'll get hitched and start a family.

 

So I'd like to start thinking of this interstitial time as the perfect opportunity to chase some dreams that are, frankly, just easier to tackle as a single person than as part of a couple.

 

I'm curious, then, to hear from those of you who are married: what kinds of dreams did you pursue or wish you had pursued as a single person?

 

I'm looking for inspiration and ideas. Thanks in advance.

[reservoirdog1]

I got married in 1996 at 24, first child at 25, second at 29. Found out in 2003 that XW had never been happy in the marriage and had cheated several times throughout, so other than the kids, it was, in some respects, a waste of seven years of my life. This used to really bother me, but we've been split for 5 years now so now it's only an occasional thing.

 

One good piece of advice is that, if there's anywhere you want to travel (and not just for a week or two, but for several months or more), or if you want to live in a foreign country, DO IT NOW. I do wish I'd done more of this kind of thing before getting together with XW. It's a LOT harder -- if not impossible -- when you have kids, a partner, and responsibilities to other people.

 

That's not to say that the time was completely wasted, in my case. I did manage to go back to school and get a law degree during the marriage, so that's a very good thing. And I love my kids dearly and would never give them back in a million years.

 

Travel's a biggie, though. Any plans I make in that regard now will have to be of the two-weeks-or-less variety.

[quankanne]

I had a college degree and nearly 2 years as a cub reporter under my belt when I got married, and I think it was of huge benefit to me because my husband didn't feel like he had to "compete" with my schooling. Work was a different story because I had crazy hours and he felt unappreciated.

[sunshinegirl]

Thanks RDog... travel makes sense. I've traveled a lot (2 dozen countries so far) but you have given me the idea of doing an immersion language program somewhere... I've always wanted to improve my French.

 

quankanne, are you saying that pursuing education/career was helpful before marriage? If so, cool, I have that covered. No more education for me unless I decide to go for a PhD. But that's pretty unlikely, I'm not disciplined enough for it.

 

More ideas, anyone?

[norajane]

Travel

Learn to scuba dive/tap dance/cook/play guitar/etc.

Own your own home

Get involved with a political/community organization

Run a marathon, or compete in a triathlon

Climb your career ladder as high as you can

[sunshinegirl]

Travel

Learn to scuba dive/tap dance/cook/play guitar/etc.

Own your own home

Get involved with a political/community organization

Run a marathon, or compete in a triathlon

Climb your career ladder as high as you can

 

Good stuff!

 

So I must be on the right track, because I've already done - or am doing - most of the things people are suggesting. I'm taking voice lessons with an eye toward doing an open mike performance someday; I ran a half-marathon a few weeks ago and I'm otherwise really active; I did some political work during the campaign season; I am at the top of the ladder in my job. Maybe I need to just diversify the activities I'm already doing...or add a couple more?

 

These are great ideas....keep 'em coming. Hey, maybe somebody else will get inspired to do something new too.

[quankanne]

travel's a good one, though in all fairness, DH is pretty open to adventure on the road.

[Ruby Slippers]

I am using my single time to:

 

- record an album

- get in really good shape

- get into great shape financially

- make some new and good friends

[georgejungle]

Do you need ideas because

you have NO idea what to try, don't you have some

ideas of your own?

[sunshinegirl]

Do you need ideas because

you have NO idea what to try, don't you have some

ideas of your own?

 

I've done a lot of things already. Sometimes others' ideas can inspire you to consider something you haven't thought of before.

[2sure]

Just a thought. When we are younger, it is easy to re-invent ourselves. It is fun to start over, do new things, become a kind of person you envision, even if only temporary. As we get older, this is harder simply because we are more defined and thats a good thing too. When someone falls in love with you, they love you as you are. Age, job changes, life wont change the real you or their feelings. Hopefully, you will grow and change together.

 

But, if I were still single....I would re-invent myself again. I am happy with who I am/what I do/etc...but still it would be interesting to just temporarily step aside from myself and kind of be someone else. Possibly a hair style/color that doesnt match my rea life. Volunteer at something I have zero skill in. Meet people I have nothing in common with.

 

Walk in someone elses shoes.

[georgejungle]

well, it's never too late to try something new.

[SarahRose]

Marriage and family doesn't seem like much fun. Why do we do it when we could be out doing all these fun things?

[2sure]

I wanted to thank OP for entering this thread! After responding, it was on my mind. I did something. I went to a billiards hall and found someone to instruct me on a daily basis. Now, you dont know me...but this is far far removed from my normal lifestyle. I may never use my new skill, or even tell anyone. I'm taking my own advice for once!

[Kamille]

No more education for me unless I decide to go for a PhD. But that's pretty unlikely, I'm not disciplined enough for it.

 

hu? Discipline? I'm doing a PhD because I have no discipline. Sitting at an office from 9-5 sounds like so much work to me. Sleeping in just because I feel like it? Now you're talking.

 

Just kidding. I know what you mean and basically, the PhD is teaching me all about self-discipline. I hear martial arts have the same effect, with the added bonus that they keep you in shape and keep you safe.

[Lizzie60]

I think.. bottom line.. every dreams are easier to fulfill as a single person..

 

A single person can pursue just about any dreams they set their mind on.. when you get married and have children.. your life changes.. you do not have the freedom to come and go as you wish.. to spend your money as you wish.. etc.. etc..

 

But, that being said, doesn't mean that, if you get married, it's the end for you.. you can still dream and have goals and fulfill them.. it's all about re-organizing your life around it..

 

[sunshinegirl]

I wanted to thank OP for entering this thread! After responding, it was on my mind. I did something. I went to a billiards hall and found someone to instruct me on a daily basis. Now, you dont know me...but this is far far removed from my normal lifestyle. I may never use my new skill, or even tell anyone. I'm taking my own advice for once!

 

Yay! I'm glad someone derived some inspiration from this thread!

 

My biggest take-away so far is that... I'm pretty much doing all the kinds of things that people are suggesting. Travel... career enhancement... sports... new hobbies... personal growth...

 

All good stuff, and I guess I will just keep doing what I'm doing. But hey, fun new ideas like billiards are still welcome. I wonder if I'm just looking for something so novel, so outside my life, that that in itself brings a new excitement to my days.

[cashley]

Im just starting this journey... so I havent had much time alone yet, and am taking notes..

 

but what I have done is join a martial arts gym, and now im learning K1 japanese style mixed martial arts.!!

 

Im also engrosed in writing day and night, theres a book inside me begging to be released.

 

And, today, I went clothes shopping, and chose clothes to PLEASE ME! wow. High heels and little black dress..perfect for summer BBQ days..with my new friends.

 

not for everyone, but im also getting a tattoo...a braclet of flowers, a gift to myself.

 

I also write, and enjoy spending my evenings with the TV OFF, playing music, and being creative..

 

Im lucky, i DO love my own company!

[sam light]

Nobody is saying it so I will. Explore your sexual side. Exploring certain sexual thrills after marriage is often a bad idea.