The JOY of friendship with your EX G/F B/F

[EmperorR]

You've got it Sysyphus.

 

Why would I want to be friends with her anymore? Why should I even care about her anymore? Or him for that matter?

 

You two were the best friends I had in the world and you f-ing screwed me over to be with eachother?

 

AND YOU SAY YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS?

 

Are you kidding me?

 

"I guess I had this dream that we could be really good friends after this"

 

After you cheated on me with my best friend?!

 

Whoa, there. You are crazier than I thought you were.

 

You approach me, with that sad face on you. I've seen that face before. The second I smile at you, hold you, and tell you everything is going to be alright, you turn me into dirt. I mean nothing to you. I give you my compassion, I give you my heart again, and that's when you know you can treat me like I'm nothing. Once I cave in and hold you, love you, you know you can do whatever you want to me, and I will run after you.

 

"Why are you being so inconsiderate? I am there for you when you're down, and then you treat me like this?"

"Geese, thicken up."

 

Thicken up? What the fu-ck?! You are the one who crawls to me when you're sad.

 

And you say I'M controlling?! Please.

 

Yeah, let's be friends. Because you deserve me so much. I am willing to be everything for you, willing to work through even this f-ucked up situation. I am the better man now. I am more compassionate, more kind, stronger, more loving, more able to work through problems, more honest.

 

You are the controlling one. You are deceiving, you are a liar, you use people, you show no compassion, you pretend to care about things but you really don't, you are weak, you run straight from me into another man's arms, totally incapable of working through problems, whiny when you don't get your way, and you even f-ing steal from poor people who shared their house with us, shared their lives with us. You want to "know something true"? You want to "do what is right"? All you care about is yourself.

 

HE moved in with you ONE week after you moved away?!

 

And you think you are your own person. You think you aren't emotionally dependent on others?

 

ONE week?

 

Bull ****. You told me you wanted to find yourself. You told me you wanted to find out who you are, on your own. You think you are your own person now? You were talking to him for hours on end on the phone when we were in our relationship, then he moves in with you after a week?

 

ONE week?

 

You weren't finding who you are, you were finding out what's new with my best friend. With your ex-boy. You didn't find yourself. You aren't independent. You aren't your own person. You just cling on to others when you feel down. Stop lying to yourself. Stop lying to others.

 

You don't deserve me as a friend. You sicken me. You don't deserve anything from anybody. You'll only take what they give you and run away, without even feeling bad about it. From his arms, to my arms, to his arms again. Yeah, you're so strong. You really found out who "you" are. Stop kidding yourself.

 

But what does it matter to me if you kid yourself? You deserve whatever's coming once you can't keep lying to every body. I'm lucky to be free of your lies and your selfishness.

 

"I guess I was just dreaming we could be friends after this"

 

Yeah, **** around with your ex while we were in a 3 year relationship, and I'll be there on the sidelines whenever you need me.

 

That's what you were trying to get away with. But I found out.

 

Sorry to discover your lies.

 

Friends? You have to be kidding me.

 

your describing my ex to a tea

 

Screw being friends, I'd rather have no friends than to be friends iwth a liar cheater, betrayer, emotionless heartless cold b*tch

[TeaAbraham]

Screw being friends, I'd rather have no friends than to be friends iwth a liar cheater, betrayer, emotionless heartless cold b*tch

 

Amen Brother.

[hereandnow]

F***ing beautiful thread! After less than 3 weeks after she broke up with me my ex agreed to have lunch with me. She looked all happy to see me and everything, but by the end of it I knew all she wanted was to be friends.

 

And it seemed like she thought this would be just fine with me! This isn't tearing my heart out one bit! We just made amazing love 3 weeks ago and now here we are discussing our lives like two ordinary people!

 

Maybe I'm wrong, but this appears to be an uniquely female attribute. They can just flip this friend switch.

[DeepInThought]

Gees, it is so amazing how so many people on this site can experience the same scenarios yet be all over the globe. I guess it doesn't really matter what language or culture you come from people act very similar.

 

I have had these probelms myself but my relationship was an LD. Yep you guessed it i got dumped, lied to etc etc...

 

I have gained alot from this site and i even got the half assed bait from the girl 3 weeks after my birthday and sure enough being a male i bit! I just wish i had seen this advice earlier and listened to people like yourselves especially CaliGuy and FOX1234..

 

But i did give her a great departure message on what i thought etc, but i still felt like crap and here i am a year later still thinking about her... Yes the dreaded hope cycle... I was even dumb enough to send her a birthday card and all i got was a flaky email saying thanks!

 

But i guess the hardest thing is i am still friends with her brother and everytime we make contact i think of her. Now we never discuss her but yet she is always in the back of my mind... DO i cut all ties with her brother? We are both in different countries mind you - along way away..

 

Any suggetions?

 

Cheers

[Surfer Dude]

I don't need a friend like my ex, cold, heartless, inconsiderate person with no compassion whatsoever for a man who was her fiance.

 

I loved her and wanted to be there for her, I wanted to build a great future together. And what does she do, she cheats and dumps me, and then asks me to be her friend.

 

Every time we talked as friends, she would harass me with talks of her current boyfriend and one night stands.

 

HER: "Oh but friends talk about these things, it's normal"

HER: "If we can't talk about my love life, then we can't be friends."

 

No dear ex, it's not normal that after 2 years of engagement and true friendship and love, after we had been planning marriage and our life together for so long, you crush my heart by dumping me for another men, and then you show no mercy or compassion for me, but you intentionally tell me about every one nite stand, every guy you got together with, every little love problem of yours. You can talk about these things with your sister or female friends, BUT NOT WITH YOUR EX FIANCE WHO LOVED YOU WITH ALL HIS HEART.

 

You have clearly no compassion, no mercy, you have a weak and rotten heart that can't appreciate any human values. When I needed your help the most, you said things like: "grow up kid, everybody has problems, not just you". But when you felt down, when you were depressed by something, you would immediately come running to me and other people around you, seeking validation and emotional support, pretending you're a weak, shy and sweet girl.

 

I feel nothing but contempt for you. When I needed you the most, you said to me "I despise you, forget me and move on with your life". Well guess what, I despise you too and I have moved on. You don't deserve a guy like me in your life. Enjoy your constant rebounds and fake friends. They are the same as you.

 

You are selfish, you can't see past your own needs, you treat other humans as tools to raise your self worth, you use and abuse people for your own satisfaction and benefit. You are self centered and egoistic, you can't possibly ever imagine what other person might feel like when you do something to them. You are shallow and materialistic.

 

I'm happy I don't have a friend like you and that I kicked you out of my life forever. Happy abusing and breaking hearts, I hope it gets back to you someday.

[EmperorR]

I don't need a friend like my ex, cold, heartless, inconsiderate person with no compassion whatsoever for a man who was her fiance.

 

I loved her and wanted to be there for her, I wanted to build a great future together. And what does she do, she cheats and dumps me, and then asks me to be her friend.

 

Every time we talked as friends, she would harass me with talks of her current boyfriend and one night stands.

 

HER: "Oh but friends talk about these things, it's normal"

HER: "If we can't talk about my love life, then we can't be friends."

 

No dear ex, it's not normal that after 2 years of engagement and true friendship and love, after we had been planning marriage and our life together for so long, you crush my heart by dumping me for another men, and then you show no mercy or compassion for me, but you intentionally tell me about every one nite stand, every guy you got together with, every little love problem of yours. You can talk about these things with your sister or female friends, BUT NOT WITH YOUR EX FIANCE WHO LOVED YOU WITH ALL HIS HEART.

 

You have clearly no compassion, no mercy, you have a weak and rotten heart that can't appreciate any human values. When I needed your help the most, you said things like: "grow up kid, everybody has problems, not just you". But when you felt down, when you were depressed by something, you would immediately come running to me and other people around you, seeking validation and emotional support, pretending you're a weak, shy and sweet girl.

 

I feel nothing but contempt for you. When I needed you the most, you said to me "I despise you, forget me and move on with your life". Well guess what, I despise you too and I have moved on. You don't deserve a guy like me in your life. Enjoy your constant rebounds and fake friends. They are the same as you.

 

You are selfish, you can't see past your own needs, you treat other humans as tools to raise your self worth, you use and abuse people for your own satisfaction and benefit. You are self centered and egoistic, you can't possibly ever imagine what other person might feel like when you do something to them. You are shallow and materialistic.

 

I'm happy I don't have a friend like you and that I kicked you out of my life forever. Happy abusing and breaking hearts, I hope it gets back to you someday.

 

 

Let it out let it out

 

my ex was the same, cheated o me dumped me, did the let's be friends routine.

 

Any time I was online she would message me crap like,

 

I think this guy is so cute he gives me the butterflies and he's so sweet he bought me a donut.

 

How can you tell if a guy likes you?

 

He asked me over to his house for jello and to watch amovie I'm so excited:rolleyes:

 

ya that's great you ho, after 3 years of giving everything you wanted, giving up all my female friends for your jealously, then you cheat on me dumped me like a idiot I said I would be your friend you know my heart is torn to shreds but I thought you were my best friend ad you have to rub sh*t like this in my face?

 

The end was when she told me how she had so much in common like him, I asked what ad she's like we both like math, the same color and want the same amount of kids . Of course I added in is he a cheater like you? does he know your a slut who screwed some guy you don't even know 3 times.

 

After that night I smartened up and went NC, maybe if she never disrespected me with crap like that I could have accepted being friends, maybe even at a later date I could, but not anymore. I remember every hurtful thing she said to me, I paid for her damn ttrip to see her sick grandparents, and All i asked after a few days of NC I broke at the beginning is how are your grandparents and she text me back FORGET ABOUT US, that was one of the last straws. Scum like that doesn't deserve to have soemone who cares and loves them.

 

I remember every hurtful thing she said to me, how the dude she screwed was like 30 and so experience and get this she said he was so nice because he drove her around and bought her flowers, I almost laughed literally what a immature b*tch, any dude would drive around a girl and buy her flowers to screw her 3 times and never have to contact her again.

[Sysyphus28]

It is going to be nice when I come to a place mentally where I am remembering and not hating. But for now. HATE is just fine with me.

It is actually a breath of the freshest air! When she said it is not about age(she is 21 and I am almost 29) it was about me(not her immaturity) and she told me what I need to do in future relationships to ensure success, etc. It was fuc**** laughable!

 

It was all me! It had nothing to do with the fact that she uses her mom's credit card, does not have a license, lives in a dorm room now, and is still discovering who she is, or that she is a liar and a cheater!!

 

It was all my fault.........if I had just...........

Then she would have stayed with me..

 

Yeah Fu**in right!!!!! YEAH RIGHT!

 

I let her demonize me and make me feel guilty for things she interpreted in her little girl view of the relationship. I let her put me in a hole. I helped dig it with my wishy washy needy behavior. The friends things was just a cherry on the sundae. It was so corny. We have mutual friends so we have been trying to be cordial in public, etc.

 

I have a remedy for that though. Don't put yourself in the lions den if you don't have to. TRUST ME. IT BLOWS. You could hang out with some other buddies, you could go to a different bar/club, you could go to a different restaurant, you could wait for the bus at a different place, you could take a different street.

 

Get your ex out of your life any way you can. WHatever is best for you. I have struggled. I won't lie and pretend to be Mr. Strong. It has been up and down and I have played the part of the "nice freind" to her on more than one occasion(just to hear her laugh or feel part of her thing again)

 

I'm not though. I'm not part of her thing at all. She has a completely different life that I AM NOT part of. She has been getting F-ed by multiple people including her new man back in NY. She is secretive and says things like, "we can't hang out until I can trust you to act like a friend".

 

I don't want to be hostile to her anymore. I was trying to hurt her and talk sh** about her and it is counterproductive.

 

Being civil and curt is important. BUT trying to be a friend is some stupid sh**. Freinds are freinds you don't try. If you are trying to get along with someone then you should probably hang out with people who it takes less effort with. Hanging out with friends should be fun and effortless NOT a challenge...............!

 

As dumpees we forget that.

 

Enjoy your friday everyone, don't talk to your X.........listen to some sweet music and have fun instead.

If you HAVE to be in contact wait until sunday night.........enjoy friday and saturday

[Surfer Dude]

Gees, it is so amazing how so many people on this site can experience the same scenarios yet be all over the globe. I guess it doesn't really matter what language or culture you come from people act very similar.

 

I have had these probelms myself but my relationship was an LD. Yep you guessed it i got dumped, lied to etc etc...

 

I have gained alot from this site and i even got the half assed bait from the girl 3 weeks after my birthday and sure enough being a male i bit! I just wish i had seen this advice earlier and listened to people like yourselves especially CaliGuy and FOX1234..

 

But i did give her a great departure message on what i thought etc, but i still felt like crap and here i am a year later still thinking about her... Yes the dreaded hope cycle... I was even dumb enough to send her a birthday card and all i got was a flaky email saying thanks!

 

But i guess the hardest thing is i am still friends with her brother and everytime we make contact i think of her. Now we never discuss her but yet she is always in the back of my mind... DO i cut all ties with her brother? We are both in different countries mind you - along way away..

 

Any suggetions?

 

Cheers

 

NC is pretty much the only thing that could help you move on. I know it sounds tough to just kick your ex out of your life. It's a drastic move, but a very necessary one in the process of healing.

 

She lied to you, dumped you.. why would she deserve you in her life? Cut all ties with all mutual friends, family members etc. The further you are away from them, the less pain you will feel.

[DeepInThought]

You are totally right SurferDude, in fact everyone on this site is...

 

I was suspicious that she was seeing someone else or had someone else lined up at the time...

 

I hate when people, girls at this time, use that excuse "I just don't think we are working out..." Bang your dumped and a day or so later there they are on someone elses arm... To me that is a weak "get out of gaol free card". Piss Weak! To be honest i am far from being the nice guy, but sometimes i wonder too, but if i was this other guy i would not get invovled purely on the moral basis.... But then again most guys think with their....

 

I have thought about and wondered the "how to get them back scenarios..." but we don't even talk anymore... I'm not saying i was an angel but i always accepted accountability and responsibility for my actions and i always kept the lines of communication open and understanding. I think some people are so selfish these days and the whole "me me me" attitude is accepted as the norm..

 

What pissed me off the most was although i was the boyfriend i was always the outsider. By that i mean she always put her friends first and foremost in any discussions or advice especially with our relationship. Like hello i'm your partner how about you talk to ME about our relationship.. Her friends were really young and very shallow and immature, i was actually 8 years older and more educated, life experienced and well travelled yet my advice even when asked was swept aside and dismissed and when it came back to bite her in the arse because i was right, in that my ability to be pro-active, she played the victim and i was the *******! WTF..

 

Then there was the slap in the face of calling her ex bf's but not even giving me the decency of a phone call.. How many? Try 2 calls in 1 year...

 

But she was a physically beautiful and vibrant woman, the sex was incedible and i'm gonna miss her but then again i couldn't spent my life with a control freak like her... But then again it is in her nature.. Most of you would understand if i told you what country she came from, SurferDude especially would understand...

 

It is hard letting go, even dismissing her brother as a friend he is a great guy and an innocent party involved. But then again who knows if he isn't reporting back to her...? Not my concern..

 

Caliguy did do one thing though, he got me bck into my golf game again... Got myself a new set of custom Callaways and my handicap back to 10..

 

Thanks for listening/reading my grovel...

[DeepInThought]

Surfer Dude,

 

I was actually reading one of your other posts... It is Bloody brilliant!

 

"I am still hurting from my breakup (my fiance dumped me for another guy), but will I let it scar me? Hell no.

 

Just like any other agonizing and traumatizing experience, break of a long term relationship can be a character defining experience. It could be either character building or character destroying one. Which one are you going to let it be?

 

Me for instance, have chosen to use this opportunity to face my own inner fears, to explore the depths of my personality and face the demons that live inside me. I have managed to analyze bad aspects of my personality and now I'm trying to solve those issues.

 

Like I said, traumatizing experiences are redefining experiences. The wonderful thing about life is that we constantly have the choice to decide who we want to be, what we want to experience and how we want to experience it.

 

I feel that my capacity to love is far greater now, than it ever was before or during my previous relationship. I have been trying to build a tough mind, a strong heart with love for everyone, and I know how lucky my next lady will be, because I have grown so much.

 

As for my ex fiance who cheated on me and dumped and then harassed me and insulted me, she is the one avoiding her own demons by constantly rebounding and running away from her inner problems and frustrations. She is in for one hell of a painful experience down the road if she persists with this kind of behavior, but that's not my problem anyway, I just hope she will be able to use it to her benefit and stop being a prick and a bitch.

 

So what's it gonna be? Scar or even a bigger and more loving heart? It's truly up to you to decide, it's never too late to define who we are and who we want to be. That's what life is about anyway."

 

That has given me so much clarity and a sense of "man up"... I'm sorry about your situation too... I'm guessing you had LDR too...? The woman you are describing sounds like alot of past experiences i have had including the last.. her actions, her decisions. For a long time there i thought i was broken, there was something wrong with me... But i have realised i am quite normal and extremely switched on...

 

One thing i have learned is that ALOT of guys circle girls like a pack of sharks if there is a sense she will stray... The nice guy i'll be your friend just to get in your pants number... To me they are boys, not men!

 

Cheers

[Sysyphus28]

That is what talking to your ex is like. Will I get validation this time? Will she/he say something reminicent of when we were together? But hoe could they forget?

The answer is: CHOICE.

It is not by accident you got dumped. It was your partners choice. Guess what face you showed them after you got dumped(an angry, needy, sad, emotional)side of yourself. Now they really want you back!!!

 

YEAH RIGHT! All I did, or we did, was drive 10 inch nails into a closed coffin. We enabled them to have our self-power and MORE of ourselves. We were/are already depleated if a good amount of energy and strength.

It is sad how many of us were/are in this boat.

 

It is a shame that it is completely unnatural to go NC day one of the breakup. If you do that the end result MUST be so empowering!!

I wish I was 20 again(i'm 28) and I could have learned how effective immediate NC could be and I could have implemented it as a safety for any breakup.

 

I just learned it's importance though. And It has been a rough lesson.

Let nostalgia die.

[dema1]

Let me tell you folks......friendship with my ex has been one of the solid most lamest/ half-assed/ guarded experiences of my entire life.

It is the corniest fakest sh** I have ever tried to do............

 

Like I can get it out of my head(remember the time we were in the shower and...............) Cmon...........get real.

 

We spent years with this "NEW" old friend and have been so intimate and close with them.........now your talking about the Fu**ing weather and how pretty the leaves are when they change. Laughing about old memories when you could be out thier making new ones.

 

You think that these people would have shown you REAL sympathy when they dumped your ass...........NO....you did all the healing leg-work, all the NC work, all the self-evaluation, all the suffering and asking for advice, all the posting on LS, all the sleepless nights, all the rough mornings, all the uneaten dinners, all the relapse breakdowns............

now your scrambling around trying to create some imaginary re-connection and deep friendship. You are doing even more work to be in this person's life. YOU ARE DOING EVEN MORE WORK TO BE IN THIS PERSON'S LIFE.

 

--- What the hell is this person good for anymore?

if they don't want what you REALLY want. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Listening to my ex blabber on about her new life last sunday opened my eyes to who she is. She has justified her leaving me.

 

You know what you want! You want your comfort zone back....your boo back...your baby, the lover you knew, the lady you knew......and now you/I/whoever is settling for guarded/lame/fake friendships. These "friendships" are about as CRAP-TASTIC as it gets. You are carefully controlling your emotions to NOT focus too much on the past, you are wondering who they texting under the table write next to you. You want to see them again because you think if it keeps going good you can get with your ex again..........NEEDY NEEDY NEEDY NEEDY!

 

They are lying because they are with someone, you are lying because you are too.........you let out half-truths to try and be honest, they do too.

 

Thier comes a time when WE have to stop talking to our dumper who found whatever reason(and thier are always reasons.......)to LET US GO..

 

We wanted a romantic connection why settle for some bull**** half-ass friendship.

 

Please Reply, I need some supporters! I need to get rid of this fake "friend" for GOOD!!!

 

If your relationship ended on good terms and you both know that there are no romantic feelings left, its possible to be good friends with your ex. I know that from personal experience.

[Surfer Dude]

Surfer Dude,

 

I was actually reading one of your other posts... It is Bloody brilliant!

 

 

That has given me so much clarity and a sense of "man up"... I'm sorry about your situation too... I'm guessing you had LDR too...? The woman you are describing sounds like alot of past experiences i have had including the last.. her actions, her decisions. For a long time there i thought i was broken, there was something wrong with me... But i have realised i am quite normal and extremely switched on...

 

One thing i have learned is that ALOT of guys circle girls like a pack of sharks if there is a sense she will stray... The nice guy i'll be your friend just to get in your pants number... To me they are boys, not men!

 

Cheers

 

Yes, I was in a LDR. Funny thing is, she broke it off saying she needed someone to be with her on daily basis, and yet, now she's in a LDR again.

 

It just proves that the little girl has no idea what she wants in life, she thinks that by constantly changing partners she is going to achieve some happiness or a higher goal. It's important to realize that many people drop their working and wonderful relationships solely because they need an ego boost that one gets from changing a partner. Those people have never been in love with us, they have been in love with their own ego all along, while we were just external sources that were feeding the aforementioned ego.

 

It doesn't matter though. Nothing that she does now is of my concern. Yes, it still aches a bit to know she's having sex with another guy right now. But it doesn't matter, because she is not a part of my life anymore. She's just a piece of history.

 

However, I can always enjoy memories that I made with her, no one can take those away, they are my experiences and my prized possessions. Do I let them make me feel bad? No, why would I do that? All the pain and frustration of loss comes from a mindset that people should be goal-oriented instead of experience oriented. Of course I'm not happy that everything fell apart. But since I can't change the fact that it did, at least I can enjoy memories of whatever I had with her.

 

@ Sysyphus: Yes, NC is really an eye opener isn't it? But it doesn't matter that you're 28 now and just learned about NC. It could've been worse, imagine you learned about by the time you were 40. And most people never learn it, that's why there are so many broken people coping with their loss even years after the breakup, hanging on small bits of hope and mixed signals that their exs throw them.

 

I'm 21 now and I'm really glad that I've had such a growing experience so early in my life. Maybe this breakup was a blessing after all, to prepare me for some perfect lady waiting for me out there. Who knows.

 

People, it's time we take control of our lives and kick our exs off that pedestal where we put them. If anyone belongs on that pedestal, it's us. Nobody else. Are you going to let other people influence your feelings and make you feel bad? No? Then start your NC already, let go of emotional attachment and clinging to strings of hope.. and plunge forward into your new life! You could have more than you could ever imagine!

[Surfer Dude]

I would just like to add that digging around memories could be a very dangerous thing if you still haven't healed. If you still have any feelings left for your ex, be it love or hate, maybe it's best to just let them go for a while, because they will keep you in a cycle of pining.

 

Once you heal (or start healing), not only will they not be painful anymore, they will be something that enriches your life.

 

It doesn't matter that your ex is a class A douche right now, there was a time when you were in love with that person and you shared great moments together. As long as you realize that those things are in the past and that they are never coming back, you will be able to enjoy them perhaps.

[TeaAbraham]

People, it's time we take control of our lives and kick our exs off that pedestal where we put them. If anyone belongs on that pedestal, it's us.

Bump.

 

I love it! Kick em off that pedestal. You thought they deserved to be there, and you gave them everything you thought they deserved, but they don't! Kick em off! I am on that pedestal now! And there's even room for a nice little lady friend too!

 

I would just like to add that digging around memories could be a very dangerous thing if you still haven't healed. If you still have any feelings left for your ex, be it love or hate, maybe it's best to just let them go for a while, because they will keep you in a cycle of pining.

 

Personally I am not ready to think about those memories and experiences. It hurts far too much! Hopefully one day I can. They were so very wonderful. Wow. Just talking about them makes me feel so very depressed.

[9Lives]

I am so glad I found this thread, The friendship thing is saying to your ex....Yes I will take crumbs!!! Anything will do as long as you are here with me. Then you find out how much that crumbing friendship will cost you.....I whole lot of pain, anquish, hurt, and disgust!!!

 

I dont need your friendship when we break ties....I need Emotional distance to get over your ass

[Sysyphus28]

I am so glad I found this thread, The friendship thing is saying to your ex....Yes I will take crumbs!!! Anything will do as long as you are here with me. Then you find out how much that crumbing friendship will cost you.....I whole lot of pain, anquish, hurt, and disgust!!!

 

I dont need your friendship when we break ties....I need Emotional distance to get over your ass

 

My poor poor ex the vistim. NC has shown me her true intensity towards me. Her efforts to be a friend have been anything but friendly. In fact, they have been so distant and half-a** it is a joke.

 

After all we shared all she can muster up to do is call me once in a blue moon and ask some dumb-a** question or make some unimportant request. When I look back on how much I worried about this girl and cared about her, I want to pinch myself and make sure that this isn't a bad dream.

Did I really play myself out to be my ex-love's friend? Did I really accept that demotion with a smile?

 

The answer is: YES. It was a quite the display of a mental disfunction.

I guess it is called being human. I can say this......I sure will have better coping skills on the next go around. I have learned alot from this. (FOR ONCE) and in all my experience with woman, I have not been able concentrate on the development of applicable coping skills until this stage in my life. LS has been huge.

 

Now, I let myself be angry with her and I have taken her off her pedastle, I have also let myself feel disgust towards her poor behavior.

 

If you loved and shared something with someone you should show them respect for the time you sharded.

[Surfer Dude]

Now, I let myself be angry with her and I have taken her off her pedastle, I have also let myself feel disgust towards her poor behavior.

 

If you loved and shared something with someone you should show them respect for the time you sharded.

 

Very true. But respect is a value those ex's don't have, otherwise they wouldn't lie, cheat, dump us, mistreat us and then ask us to be their friends. They are human beings with no morals or values, that's why they can act disrespectful and behave as if they never shared anything special with us.

 

I spit on such people, I despise them from the bottom of my heart. I feel nothing but pure contempt for my ex. Not hate anymore, not anger. I've forgiven her. But no matter how much I forgive, I still can't help despising her actions and values.

[Sysyphus28]

It is funny when you get the rug pulled out from under you, how solid the gorund can be. Keep posting Sdude.........you help people!

[roghornio]

Yes, I was in a LDR. Funny thing is, she broke it off saying she needed someone to be with her on daily basis, and yet, now she's in a LDR again.

 

All these things ex's say to you when they leave you is all just lies - they do not find you attractive in a romantic way anymore. You can look deep into and try work out what they mean or meant by the way they say it. The reality is if someone left you and no matter what excuse or reason they give you it's because they just don't feel it anymore - it is that simple.

 

For those looking for answers, you really don't have to look much further than that. It hurts to hear it so bluntly.

[EmperorR]

All these things ex's say to you when they leave you is all just lies - they do not find you attractive in a romantic way anymore. You can look deep into and try work out what they mean or meant by the way they say it. The reality is if someone left you and no matter what excuse or reason they give you it's because they just don't feel it anymore - it is that simple.

 

For those looking for answers, you really don't have to look much further than that. It hurts to hear it so bluntly.

 

 

I agree, my ex cheated on dumped me and then said she wanted to be alone, a week later in school she's dating someone new and lies to me about it until I found out by myself. Couldn't even be alone for a damn week.

[Surfer Dude]

NC really does make me feel better. Do I feel miserable from time to time? Of course I do, it's natural that I have setbacks every once in a while. But that misery doesn't stem from wanting her back, it's just natural grief that I feel because I lost something precious I had.

 

So if I had stayed in touch with her, I would've probably felt equally bad, if not worse. People need to realize that nothing good could ever come from maintaining contact with your ex. When we talk to our dumpers, we usually feel a mix of anger, resentment, love, hurt ego, hope and desperation. Contact keeps us in this eternal cycle and it's nearly damn impossible to break free unless that person leaves your life forever.

 

People mistake NC for a game to win your ex back, or some sort of revenge towards them. It could be those things if you want them to be, but in essence NC is meant to help people heal. You can't think about something that has no presence in your reality. If something doesn't exist, how can it hold you back and drag you down? Simple and easy, it can't, it disappears and dissolves. That's the thing NC ensures if you are dedicated enough to keep it. Your ex simply stops existing in your reality.

 

But NC is hardly enough if you purposely refuse to change your state of mind. Unless you try to change your habitual thinking, NC will work real slow and the whole healing process could take years.

 

So don't break your NC, have fun and realize that if you ever break it, it will only make you feel miserable. That's the only outcome possible when you decide to contact your ex that dumped you.

 

And remember, you could always go a step further and do the same thing I did, kick your ex out of your life forever, i.e. tell him/her to never contact you again, to f*ck off and that you hope you should never see each other again. Change your phone number, change your email addresses, stop hanging out with common friends (or at least force them to stop communicating your ex's life to you). Nothing could be harder than making this step, but it's also very gratifying once you realize that you have become your own person who can stand firmly on the ground, who needs no one to make them happy. You will forget about your ex, they will just become a faint memory.

 

Stay strong people, try not to give in to grief. And most of all, never beat yourself up for the choices you made in the past, regarding your ex. We're all human and make mistakes.

[Sysyphus28]

I was so angry.

I had an honest conversation with my ex, who used to be my b/f. She was not an A**hole. I was not needy and pathetic.

It was a good conversation.

The more positive interactions we have with the people that did us wrong, the easier we can let go of hate and anger.

Deep down, (unless thier was major cheating and they are unforgivable) , the girl/guy you were friends with is still thier....buried. It is just that people get so guarded after a realtionship ends. It is like instinct for us to be spiteful or resenful or mean.

Learning to let go is embracing pain head on and facing your fears. My fear was that my ex left me for someone who she felt would be better for her. The FACT is she did. Thier is someone better out thier for me too.

We talked for an hour and half last night on the phone.

 

It was 4 months in the making.

I Proved alot to myself!

Things are going to get better. She is not coming back to me.

But it really isn't about her anymore. I know hating helped me with NC.

It helped alot.

It reinforced it.

But it also made me hateful.

I don't want to be angry anymore.

[darnay]

Surfer Dude, I did all those things with the exception of telling my ex that I didnt wanna speak to him again. He can discover that and work it out for himself. I stupidly tried friendship in the first month after being dumped. Over the next three months i've slowly eradicated him and all his friends from my life. I have a new phone number, have blocked them on my email account and I have refused to go anywhere near the city we lived together. It has been hellishly hard but every single day I feel better, and I now don't care if I never see him again.

[EmperorR]

Congrats to you syp, unfortunately I had to deal with mJor cheating 3 times in one week, and her blaming me for it. Reasons why I refuse to be friends with that vermin.