Am I living with an alcoholic?

[chrissi]

I'd really appreciate any feedback any of you may have. I broke up with my ex (he moved out but I didn't let him come back) about 3 months ago, and this was mainly due to his drinking...and staying out all night, and cheating. Soon after an old friend moved in...primarily to help with the rent. Now it has turned into a romantic relationship, but he drinks a lot as well...but his drinking is more consistant, where as my ex's was more binge drinking for days at a time.

 

This new boyfriend drinks vodka on the rocks...sometimes up to three drinks in an hour (almost every night), and smokes a pack of cigarettes a day. He rationalizes it my saying that he used to be a cocaine addict, and drinking/smoking is better than that. I too have had my addictions, so I guess I understand to some extent.

 

He does have a good job, is very responsible, dependable, intelligent, proactive, and never really seems to get hangovers...and there have been a couple days here and there that he didn't drink, or didn't drink so much. I'm mostly concerned about his health because he's about to turn 40 (and I'm 29)...and he does get a bit intense when he's drunk, not mean just argumentative.

 

Basically, I'd really appreciate any feedback about whether I should keep my mouth shut, try to talk to him about it and how it makes me feel (again), try to make some sort of ultimatum, or just leave him. I do love him, but honestly I've never seen someone drink and smoke so much...and I think I've been drinking/smoking a lot more since he's moved in.

[Final Girl]

I think it's alcoholism if it starts to interfere with day to day life and routine...like he fails to go to work quite often, or is violent. Otherwise, if it is a few drinks at the end of the day, but has no significant impact otherwise, then I think he might be alcohol dependent...he uses booze to relax and unwind, and has got into the habit of doing this. But it's not alcoholism, where it's a damaging (to other parts of his/your life) addiction that he can't give up without help.

[Final Girl]

Ps. Watch you don't judge this new guy differently coz of your ex and his drinking problems!!

[You'reasian]

I'd really appreciate any feedback any of you may have. I broke up with my ex (he moved out but I didn't let him come back) about 3 months ago, and this was mainly due to his drinking...and staying out all night, and cheating. Soon after an old friend moved in...primarily to help with the rent. Now it has turned into a romantic relationship, but he drinks a lot as well...but his drinking is more consistant, where as my ex's was more binge drinking for days at a time.

 

This new boyfriend drinks vodka on the rocks...sometimes up to three drinks in an hour (almost every night), and smokes a pack of cigarettes a day. He rationalizes it my saying that he used to be a cocaine addict, and drinking/smoking is better than that. I too have had my addictions, so I guess I understand to some extent.

 

He does have a good job, is very responsible, dependable, intelligent, proactive, and never really seems to get hangovers...and there have been a couple days here and there that he didn't drink, or didn't drink so much. I'm mostly concerned about his health because he's about to turn 40 (and I'm 29)...and he does get a bit intense when he's drunk, not mean just argumentative.

 

Basically, I'd really appreciate any feedback about whether I should keep my mouth shut, try to talk to him about it and how it makes me feel (again), try to make some sort of ultimatum, or just leave him. I do love him, but honestly I've never seen someone drink and smoke so much...and I think I've been drinking/smoking a lot more since he's moved in.

 

I'm noticing people getting involved with alot of cocaine users and alcoholics - do you personally seek these kinds of people out? Is it a requirement of yours?