BlockHead Posted September 2, 2003 Share Posted September 2, 2003 I am sure that plenty of people are searching for the one "true love," but I want to know if and when I should give up on relationships in general. They require a lot of time, money, and energy. When they fail, there is heartache. I know that there are some games that can't be won, and this could be one of them. I can't help thinking that all of the time, money, and energy can be used for other more productive purposes. I am working on deepening my understanding of myself and others. I read a few psychology books, and the only answer that I can come up with is that I'm too different. I do have a problem with "never give up." That can take a very very long time if it ever happens. Rejection and heartbreak take a toll on me emotionally. I don't see anything wrong with admitting defeat. I am in no way suicidal, but I would like some advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Java Posted September 2, 2003 Share Posted September 2, 2003 We humans only want to experience the good stuff..... we just don't like feeling 'bad', about anything. But, that's not how life works. Everything on this planet has it's opposite energy (yin/yang), there's no getting around that. With love, with anything in life in fact, there are no guarantees.... there's always the possibility it'll go down the gurgler, but the reward when things work out is priceless. The bigger the risk, the bigger the reward, the bigger the risk, the bigger the crash.... that's just how it is. Whatever you're feeling right now, will pass.... that's a certain. What's big in one's head today, is just a passing thought tomorrow, or next week, or next month, or next year. You could choose to view the negative as just another experience.... which is all it is... one minute we feel good, the next we feel like crap. You gotta accept the good with the bad, and know that life goes on..... you get back in there again when today's pain has subsided, take another risk and hope for the best, that's all you can do. Life would be very limiting and not as rich if we decided we only wanted to feel the good Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted September 2, 2003 Share Posted September 2, 2003 You know what - go ahead and try to give up on dating. I wish you great luck, because one day down the road you'll meet somebody who'll impress you, and you'll go after that person like no tomorrow. Mating is an instict... instincts are HARD to control or redirect. So I doubt giving up on mating is a option for a sane human being. 2c, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted September 2, 2003 Share Posted September 2, 2003 thanks man, your post made me feel better about life! -yes Link to post Share on other sites
mattdad Posted September 2, 2003 Share Posted September 2, 2003 There's an old saying that I'm sure you've heard; "If you do what you've always done, You'll get what you've always gotten." I think you have a good idea that a sabbatical from dating is in order, and you are hesitant to make the move. The key question for you is this - What are you afraid of? Quitting women for a time is kind of like dieting or quitting smoking - the first few days are the toughest but you'll survive it. Please let us know if the self-imposed exile from the weaker (and far more deadly!) of the species gives you a fresh perspective on yourself and relationships. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlockHead Posted September 2, 2003 Author Share Posted September 2, 2003 Yes, mating is an instinct, but we are human. Most people have the will power to overcome their natural instincts. I think the rest are just too primitive. I haven't dated for about two years because it became emotionally numbing. Maybe yin/yang will balance out over the entire world, but does that mean that it will also balance out on a person-by-person basis? Some people in this world are more equal than others. There are good and bad experiences in life, but what do you do if the situation appears to be hopelessly bad? I tried to approach the issue with reason, understanding, and patience. I can come up with some explanations, but no solutions. This is like a losing battle, and my only option seems to be minimizing my losses. One advantage that I can see to surrendering is that it will give me a sense of peace. To me, this is like accepting that death is inevitable, or that my teenage years are over. Is this a healthy solution? I don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
mattdad Posted September 2, 2003 Share Posted September 2, 2003 If I may ask, how old are you? I caught the word teenager in your last posting... Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlockHead Posted September 2, 2003 Author Share Posted September 2, 2003 I am 25-year-old guy. I am still in college finishing my masters degree, and thinking about a doctorate. Link to post Share on other sites
mattdad Posted September 2, 2003 Share Posted September 2, 2003 ...but I am definitely impressed by that! At the least, you're not allowing the pain of your relationships to affect your educational and career ambitions. Perhaps these endeavors will open new opportunities for you, along with a newfound sense of who you really are. I've discovered in retrospect (I'm 42) that not knowing what my standards, likes and dislikes were forced me to end up with someone who looked pretty good at first then slipped in stature as time wore on. Also, by not knowing myself gave those ladies a false sense of who I really was. Taking the time to REALLY get a handle on yourself should allow you the peace you desire and also eliminate many potential future errors in judgement (unless your beer intake increases ;->). Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
C1 Posted September 3, 2003 Share Posted September 3, 2003 You need to be by yourself for a while, to find peace within yourself. You will return to it later and then there will be no more problem in your mind. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted September 3, 2003 Share Posted September 3, 2003 If you are not enjoying dating, then don't. Focus on you and your career and education. If you meet someone that you would like to spend an evening with - go on a date or two. It doesn't mean you have to have a relationship. If you take a break from dating for a year or so - that doesn't mean that you will never go back to dating. You don't have to make a life-long commitment to a non-relationship life, or feel that you have failed your vow to yourself if you find yourself dating again. I know that sounds a little strange, but I've known some people who make a decision and feel that any time they revise that decision later it is a failure or weakness. This doesn't have to be a LIFE decision - just a temporary decision. Link to post Share on other sites
cappie Posted September 7, 2003 Share Posted September 7, 2003 personally, I never date.. I can't stand it.. but on the other hand, I haven't found the true love yet.. all I end up with are boring women who just want me for sex. I've tasted true love though, unfortunately it ran out of 'spark' before could find enough peace inside myself to accept the situation.. luckily for me, I know whenever it happens to me since then I feel so abused sometimes, but to be honest.. Its just me being terribly st0000pid.. trying to find something in something else which doesn't have what I'm looking for... hormones, gotta hate them... 'just sex'-relations almost sound like a form of self-approved escapism.. ouch.. bad karma! Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlockHead Posted September 7, 2003 Author Share Posted September 7, 2003 The idea of a "true love" is just a myth. I'm sure that there are a large number of women that you would be compatible with. I believe that the "spark" is very similar to "love at first sight." That is nothing more than a mutual erotic sexual fantasy designed by nature to improve the chances of pairing. Real relationships require EFFORT and RESPECT. The "spark" won't last in a relationship for very long!!! If you base all of your relationships on that, you won't get very far. Think about it. You get married, the "spark" fades away, and then instant divorce. Maybe there are fewer divorces in arranged marriages because those relationships are not based on the "spark." Boring women? Let me guess, these are self serving shallow women whose goal in life is to get on the gravy train. They believe that your role as the "man" is to entertain them. They are very trendy, and have little or no interest in the deeper meaning of anything including themselves. They base their relationships on the "spark" or "love at true sight" condition which require little or no effort. Truth, let me know how accurate I am. It is those women that make relationships a miserable experience for me. Maybe my personality is too different from their's. Personally, I think people like that are a dime a dozen. Link to post Share on other sites
cappie Posted September 7, 2003 Share Posted September 7, 2003 Originally posted by BlockHead The idea of a "true love" is just a myth. I'm sure that there are a large number of women that you would be compatible with. I believe that the "spark" is very similar to "love at first sight." That is nothing more than a mutual erotic sexual fantasy designed by nature to improve the chances of pairing. Real relationships require EFFORT and RESPECT. The "spark" won't last in a relationship for very long!!! If you base all of your relationships on that, you won't get very far. Think about it. You get married, the "spark" fades away, and then instant divorce. Maybe there are fewer divorces in arranged marriages because those relationships are not based on the "spark." hehe.. I know.. I'm beyond wanted to be 'in love' with someone.. I think I just miss having sex with people I really love... Originally posted by BlockHead Boring women? Let me guess, these are self serving shallow women whose goal in life is to get on the gravy train. They believe that your role as the "man" is to entertain them. They are very trendy, and have little or no interest in the deeper meaning of anything including themselves. They base their relationships on the "spark" or "love at true sight" condition which require little or no effort. Truth, let me know how accurate I am. It is those women that make relationships a miserable experience for me. Maybe my personality is too different from their's. Personally, I think people like that are a dime a dozen. hahahahahaha.. 100% correct, this is freaky, however, I know that an accurate answer like this can only come from personal experience with these kind of women Link to post Share on other sites
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