skinman Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 hey all, Friday is my wife's birthday she asked me to move out of the house 10 days ago.. I am hoping for a reconciliation but not sure she wants one. told me to not contact her except to talk with the kids.......... questions is should I send her a birthday card or let it go ? when I saw her yesterday she said not to buy her a present ??? what would you all do ? Link to post Share on other sites
badbrit Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 Not buy her a present. She told you not to, so dont PLUS despite saying that she still thinks you will. Make HER fear that maybe you do not want to know anymore, oldest method in the book. Simple, dont do it 1, because you were told not to so respect that and 2. it is a good little trick to do. Link to post Share on other sites
jasperlynx Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 Hey Bud, Maybe you should not. My opinion is if she said not to , then dont. My anniversery was during our "breakup" and I bought wine and flowers and basically was never thanked never acknowledged or anything. Made me feel 10 times worse. If you send something..She will get pissed. She will be expecting you to disregard her wishes, dont let her down if you know what I mean. Good luck you know where i am.... Link to post Share on other sites
jasperlynx Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 I forgot to mention...my wife told me not to bother with presents too. and what did I do ...made things worse Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted November 5, 2008 Author Share Posted November 5, 2008 Hey Bud, Maybe you should not. My opinion is if she said not to , then dont. My anniversery was during our "breakup" and I bought wine and flowers and basically was never thanked never acknowledged or anything. Made me feel 10 times worse. If you send something..She will get pissed. She will be expecting you to disregard her wishes, dont let her down if you know what I mean. Good luck you know where i am.... Thanks Jasperlynx, I know she said not to buy her a gift.. but i thought a card would be nice letting her know i was thinking of her Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted November 5, 2008 Author Share Posted November 5, 2008 Not buy her a present. She told you not to, so dont PLUS despite saying that she still thinks you will. Make HER fear that maybe you do not want to know anymore, oldest method in the book. Simple, dont do it 1, because you were told not to so respect that and 2. it is a good little trick to do. thanks BadBrit I think i will just forget about it.. I know she expects one from me maybe that will make her think some. Link to post Share on other sites
Kenyth Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 There's a wise saying, usually used for humorous purposes. "You can't miss it, if it won't go away." You want her to miss you, so make yourself absent. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 no card, but IF she happens to be in contact with you that day, a simple, non-threatening "happy birthday" should do the trick. Then don't say anything more about it. Because if she's like the rest of us, she MAY not want to hear from you, but she'd be upset if you completely ignored her special day. doesn't make sense, but that's how folks are wired! Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted November 5, 2008 Author Share Posted November 5, 2008 There's a wise saying, usually used for humorous purposes. "You can't miss it, if it won't go away." You want her to miss you, so make yourself absent. I like that qoute........ !! thanks Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 No, don't buy a present or a card - If anything, get the kids to make her a card but don't put your name on it. (well, if your kids are teens then maybe scratch that idea..) Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted November 5, 2008 Author Share Posted November 5, 2008 No, don't buy a present or a card - If anything, get the kids to make her a card but don't put your name on it. (well, if your kids are teens then maybe scratch that idea..) i was thinking something simple.... like happy bday thinking of you today.. i am thinking that she will be expecting one knowing me...... might be a good time to throw her of some Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 i was thinking something simple.... like happy bday thinking of you today.. i am thinking that she will be expecting one knowing me...... might be a good time to throw her of some No card dude... She asked you to not buy a present.. that would include the card too. She doesn't need to be reminded that she is on YOUR mind.. she already knows that.. What you ought to do is seek legal advice, retain an attorney and then leave.. she asked you to leave then grant her that wish. Some people don't realize that by forcing things or their own wishes on another that they push them farther away. By you not abiding by her no gift rule ( yes a card is a gift ) you are forcing your wishes on her and telling her that you will cross her boundaries. Sorry you are in this mess with your wife... Breakups suck.. You said you are hoping to reconcile.. what signs has she given you that it is on table ?, Are you in Marriage Counseling ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted November 5, 2008 Author Share Posted November 5, 2008 No card dude... She asked you to not buy a present.. that would include the card too. She doesn't need to be reminded that she is on YOUR mind.. she already knows that.. What you ought to do is leave.. she asked you to leave then grant her that wish. Some people don't realize that by forcing things or their own wishes on another that they push them farther away. By you not abiding by her no gift rule ( yes a card is a gift ) you are forcing your wishes on her and telling her that you will cross her boundaries. Sorry you are in this mess with your wife... Breakups suck.. You said you are hoping to reconcile.. what signs has she given you that it is on table ?, Are you in Marriage Counseling ? no signs just hoping thats all... she said she wouldn't answer one way or the other about our chances. wanted the full year seperation before she decided.. so if its comes to that point i am sure we will divorce... its so hard to think about the inevitable !! Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 no signs just hoping thats all... she said she wouldn't answer one way or the other about our chances. wanted the full year seperation before she decided.. so if its comes to that point i am sure we will divorce... its so hard to think about the inevitable !! Make sure the separation is a legal one that spells out all the things that hang in the balance during that time.. who pays the bills, mortgage child support etc etc...even visitation and who gets the children on which days for the holidays.. My brother is separated right now going on 18 months ( divorce was filed at the time of separation ) and stuff like Halloween get played with by her because it wasn't in writing.. so he didn't get to see his children on Halloween during the separation because it wasn't in writing.. So many people just agree to separate and then things get magically worse when they start to fight over the little things.. like who pays for the copays on Dr bills or the cell phone bills.. Get it all in writing and nice and legal... Please seek some legal advice... Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 I hate to tell you this. You send her a card, you might as well send her your balls in a basket with a lovely note, pleading for her love. Link to post Share on other sites
jasperlynx Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 Man you are tough...but your right! Im in the same situation. But home. Are you advising us to be business like but not in anyway shape or form loving or responsive to our own emotions for the love we have for them? Are they losing more respect for us because we are still ...asking them "can I get you anything?" "if you need anything just call" and all the other kiss ass stuff. Please help us understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 Are they losing more respect for us because we are still ...asking them "can I get you anything?" "if you need anything just call" and all the other kiss ass stuff. Please help us understand. Your answer is in your own words inside your post.... Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 No, just call her up and wish her a Happy Birthday if that's what you feel like doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 by the way... There isn't anything wrong with being nice and cordial ( in fact I would recommend it ) but you don't have to go overboard with kiss ass stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 Yeah, ignore her and just get a card. Ignore her and get her a gift too. Good idea, ignoring her. That's smart. Just do it cause you feel like it, regardless of her feelings on the matter. Just bulldoze that ****. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 How about giving us more information on the marriage and what happened to this point? Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 by the way... There isn't anything wrong with being nice and cordial ( in fact I would recommend it ) but you don't have to go overboard with kiss ass stuff. Exactly. A Happy Birthday over the phone would suffice I think. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted November 5, 2008 Author Share Posted November 5, 2008 How about giving us more information on the marriage and what happened to this point? I have been going through misery for the past 2 months prior to my seperation 11 days ago. To start off I have been married for close to 16 years and 2 months ago out of the blue my wife tells me she is no longer in love with me. has no desire to be married to me anymore and could never think of in her words spreading her legs for me ever. I have been going to counseling for almost a month prior to our sep. trying to smooth things over with her but she has resisted any real contact except for pleasantries. Well on Sat. she got pissed and asked me to move out saying she needed space. She has said that we will use the whole year seperation before she decides on what she wants to do whether to try again or get a divorce. I will have finished packing up this weekend. My question is how do you use the NC when you have children ?. she gets mad or upset if I call or email her saying she needs her space. well since then i have pretty much not contacted her since i moved out she had my stuff waiting for me... i said it looked as if she was trying to erase me from the memory of our house.. she said she didnt want me in her life and needed space... said good chance we wouldn't get back together... so i am so torn....... i still have hope she may change her mind but all of this was so sudden...... i am still reeling from it all....... Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted November 5, 2008 Author Share Posted November 5, 2008 I hate to tell you this. You send her a card, you might as well send her your balls in a basket with a lovely note, pleading for her love. thanks... i think this response sealed the deal....... no card !! Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 Worse case she calls you and asks you about something mundane. Boom perfect opp to show her that you are going to be happy with or without her. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts