Author skinman Posted November 5, 2008 Author Share Posted November 5, 2008 Worse case she calls you and asks you about something mundane. Boom perfect opp to show her that you are going to be happy with or without her. well should i mention it and wish her a happy birthday ? or ignore it and let it go... chances are she wont call only time we talk is when i pick up my girls... she even asked me for Thanksgiving ??? what do you think of that ? Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 well should i mention it and wish her a happy birthday ? or ignore it and let it go... chances are she wont call only time we talk is when i pick up my girls... she even asked me for Thanksgiving ??? what do you think of that ? I am thinking you should respond.... yes it would be good for the kids if we spent thanksgiving together. End of story..... of course you can ask what would be helpful to bring... perhaps the kids have a favorite dish. I tell coworkers I really don't even like happy birthday..... I think that would suffice. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 well should i mention it and wish her a happy birthday ? or ignore it and let it go... chances are she wont call only time we talk is when i pick up my girls... she even asked me for Thanksgiving ??? what do you think of that ? I think she's in her own little world, but that's just an outside opinion. I don't know her. What do you mean she asked for Thanksgiving? As in, Thanksgiving with your girls without your presence? What is her reason for wanting this separation? Another man, space, or is she just giving you time to accept divorce? Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted November 5, 2008 Author Share Posted November 5, 2008 I think she's in her own little world, but that's just an outside opinion. I don't know her. What do you mean she asked for Thanksgiving? As in, Thanksgiving with your girls without your presence? What is her reason for wanting this separation? Another man, space, or is she just giving you time to accept divorce? well she said she needed space.. said she didnt like the person i had become. distant not putting enough effort into the marriage and things like that. I dont believe there is someone else but you never know. as for thanksgiving she asked me to come to dinner.. she is giving me so many mixed signals by having me over. she had me over for Halloween and made dinner and asked me to stay. i think she is really confused and acted out but dont know for sure. I know her pride would most likely never let her admit she made a mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
redfathom Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 I think ART gave you some good advice. You have a lot more to worry about now then your wifes birthday. Seek professional legal advice and start to protect your rights. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted November 5, 2008 Author Share Posted November 5, 2008 I think ART gave you some good advice. You have a lot more to worry about now then your wifes birthday. Seek professional legal advice and start to protect your rights. Good luck. Thanks I have an appointment next week to do just that !! she has been very civil through all of this i am paying half the mortage and half my daughters monthly bills... so I know when she finds out the S. will hit the fan.. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 well she said she needed space.. said she didnt like the person i had become. distant not putting enough effort into the marriage and things like that. I dont believe there is someone else but you never know. as for thanksgiving she asked me to come to dinner.. she is giving me so many mixed signals by having me over. she had me over for Halloween and made dinner and asked me to stay. i think she is really confused and acted out but dont know for sure. I know her pride would most likely never let her admit she made a mistake. I understand that feeling of confusion. Ask yourself what you want and allow that to drive you. Emotions can be your best friend and worst enemy in the same instance. You will have to control those crazy feelings, especially if you've showed a lack of control in the past. Anger and regret and sadness conveys unattractive need. You're going to have to be a beacon of love for your wife to want you back. Her message says she wants back the man she fell in love with. That's why I'm suggesting confidence and allowing her a chance to remember and miss you. Sometimes, we men take our spouses for granted and forget those moments in time when we would do anything and everything for the women of our lives. Inspire yourself and have hope. Live your life and allow her to do the same. I'm a bit of a rebel in this department. I say hell with her decisions, focus on your decisions. This time is about you. Regaining you. Regaining your self. If she wants time with you, take it as an oppurtunity. If you want to be on the top of your game, read up on marriage and communication. Try and understand how you both came to this point in your relationship. There are reasons we do what we do. No one is taught how to be married or to be a loving individual. We just feel and do what seems right. There is a big variation in methods and actions and what those actions really mean and how we communicate. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 well she said she needed space.. said she didnt like the person i had become. distant not putting enough effort into the marriage and things like that. I dont believe there is someone else but you never know. as for thanksgiving she asked me to come to dinner.. she is giving me so many mixed signals by having me over. she had me over for Halloween and made dinner and asked me to stay. i think she is really confused and acted out but dont know for sure. I know her pride would most likely never let her admit she made a mistake. And another thing, why should she admit it was a mistake? Are you not learning how much you value her? Have you stopped taking her for granted? LOL, you need to be careful about conveying right or wrong. In the end, you're going to have to choose being right or understanding your wife's perspective. Drawing lines, ultimatums, etc are your worst enemy. Don't push her into the wall. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted November 5, 2008 Author Share Posted November 5, 2008 I understand that feeling of confusion. Ask yourself what you want and allow that to drive you. Emotions can be your best friend and worst enemy in the same instance. You will have to control those crazy feelings, especially if you've showed a lack of control in the past. Anger and regret and sadness conveys unattractive need. You're going to have to be a beacon of love for your wife to want you back. Her message says she wants back the man she fell in love with. That's why I'm suggesting confidence and allowing her a chance to remember and miss you. Sometimes, we men take our spouses for granted and forget those moments in time when we would do anything and everything for the women of our lives. Inspire yourself and have hope. Live your life and allow her to do the same. I'm a bit of a rebel in this department. I say hell with her decisions, focus on your decisions. This time is about you. Regaining you. Regaining your self. If she wants time with you, take it as an oppurtunity. If you want to be on the top of your game, read up on marriage and communication. Try and understand how you both came to this point in your relationship. There are reasons we do what we do. No one is taught how to be married or to be a loving individual. We just feel and do what seems right. There is a big variation in methods and actions and what those actions really mean and how we communicate. TrustInYourself, Thank you for the response.. I will take your words to heart and live by your name. god Bless my friend ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted November 5, 2008 Author Share Posted November 5, 2008 And another thing, why should she admit it was a mistake? Are you not learning how much you value her? Have you stopped taking her for granted? LOL, you need to be careful about conveying right or wrong. In the end, you're going to have to choose being right or understanding your wife's perspective. Drawing lines, ultimatums, etc are your worst enemy. Don't push her into the wall. believe me i would never say that to hear.. one thing that I have learned is take 3 seconds before saying anything.. my mouth was one of her biggest problems.. always spoke without thinking.. thanks again my friend ! Link to post Share on other sites
n9688m Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 hey all, Friday is my wife's birthday she asked me to move out of the house 10 days ago.. I am hoping for a reconciliation but not sure she wants one. told me to not contact her except to talk with the kids.......... questions is should I send her a birthday card or let it go ? when I saw her yesterday she said not to buy her a present ?? Forget the birthday - why on earth would you move out if she is the one leaving the marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 Forget the birthday - why on earth would you move out if she is the one leaving the marriage? /agree here as well. She wants out, she should move. Unfortunately, you both are going to have to deal with that bombshell as best as possible. Consequences come from her decisions and she should know this, just be prepared to bear the brunt of the blame, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 Forget the birthday - why on earth would you move out if she is the one leaving the marriage? There is a child to consider... The house will get dealt with at the time of the divorce.. as far as a separation I would want my child to have as much normalcy as possible and that would mean letting her live in the house during the separation.. If you make her move out you will negatively affect your child in a manner that won't be good... Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted November 5, 2008 Author Share Posted November 5, 2008 There is a child to consider... The house will get dealt with at the time of the divorce.. as far as a separation I would want my child to have as much normalcy as possible and that would mean letting her live in the house during the separation.. If you make her move out you will negatively affect your child in a manner that won't be good... yes there are 2 children she has one from a previous marriage i was trying to keep their life as normal as possible , no since screwing up there life since me and their mom cant get along. believe me i thought about asking her to leave but the house will be dealt with in the divorce if it indeed comes to that. Link to post Share on other sites
n9688m Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 If you make her move out you will negatively affect your child in a manner that won't be good... That is only true if the child will live with mom full-time during the separation. Why on earth would that be the case? Link to post Share on other sites
n9688m Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 yes there are 2 children she has one from a previous marriage i was trying to keep their life as normal as possible , no since screwing up there life since me and their mom cant get along. believe me i thought about asking her to leave but the house will be dealt with in the divorce if it indeed comes to that. Nonsense - mom has already royally "screwed up" their life. Aren't you going to still see your kids during the separation? Why not stay in your home so they are comfortable coming "home" to be with Dad? Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted November 5, 2008 Author Share Posted November 5, 2008 That is only true if the child will live with mom full-time during the separation. Why on earth would that be the case? well for one... i would never take my daughter away from her sister... Link to post Share on other sites
Shin0bi1 Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 Hey Bud, Maybe you should not. My opinion is if she said not to , then dont. My anniversery was during our "breakup" and I bought wine and flowers and basically was never thanked never acknowledged or anything. Made me feel 10 times worse. If you send something..She will get pissed. She will be expecting you to disregard her wishes, dont let her down if you know what I mean. Good luck you know where i am.... Yeah been there done that... and Jasperlynx is right. You buy her presents and stuff is basically forcing her to reconsider you by bribing her heart. Just give her a card... Just put a picture of you and your children doing goofy faces in it. As far as thanksgiving... dont sweat it... if it happens it happens... plenty of other holidays to go around. Just some word of advice... prepare yourself for this season holiday thing. I went through some rough times last holiday season and i still remember it like it was yesterday. -Shin0bi1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted November 5, 2008 Author Share Posted November 5, 2008 Nonsense - mom has already royally "screwed up" their life. Aren't you going to still see your kids during the separation? Why not stay in your home so they are comfortable coming "home" to be with Dad? well yes mom has screwed this up.. but I wasnt about to stay there and make things more difficult for them with her arguing and amking scenes.. have you had to leave your children ? Its hardest damm thing I have ever done.. i see them a couple times a week.. she is allowing me visits whenever i can stop by...... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 Nonsense - mom has already royally "screwed up" their life. Aren't you going to still see your kids during the separation? Why not stay in your home so they are comfortable coming "home" to be with Dad? Nonsense is right.. the children are the concern here.. not whether or not the mother has Screwed up her life.. She has a child from a previous marriage too Why would you think the children would be with him ? The step child would be removed from the other child's presence on a daily basis. I'm sure he is a good Dad but do you honestly think the child would be better off during the separation with the Dad in the house without the child's Mom or the child's sibling ? I don't... Now when the divorce gets under way then the house will most likely get sold or whatever but while they are still married but separated he is still a parent to 2 children.. one step one biological Link to post Share on other sites
n9688m Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 well for one... i would never take my daughter away from her sister... So you aren't ever going to have overnights with your daughter? Sorry - you won't be taking your daughter from her sister; your STBXW is the one who will be doing it. Don't for even one second think of spending less than half-time with your daughter. If that means you need to also spend half time with your stepdaughter then so be it. Or if it means your soon-ex-wife needs to have the guilt of seprating the kids, so be it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skinman Posted November 5, 2008 Author Share Posted November 5, 2008 So you aren't ever going to have overnights with your daughter? Sorry - you won't be taking your daughter from her sister; your STBXW is the one who will be doing it. Don't for even one second think of spending less than half-time with your daughter. If that means you need to also spend half time with your stepdaughter then so be it. Or if it means your soon-ex-wife needs to have the guilt of seprating the kids, so be it. I am still in the process of miving in and getting settled.. i will have them for nights just not this week... i get along great with my Stepdaughter and Daughter.. they will both be staying once i am ready. i was pretty much the only dad stepdaughter knew for past 6-7 years Link to post Share on other sites
n9688m Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 I am still in the process of miving in and getting settled.. i will have them for nights just not this week Have you consulted legal counsel? You may have just set a bad precedent which will regret. In any event, you haven't answered the question - why did you move out? Why not your wife? Link to post Share on other sites
redfathom Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 have you had to leave your children ? Its hardest damm thing I have ever done.. i see them a couple times a week.. she is allowing me visits whenever i can stop by......See, I don't like this. She is not ALLOWING you anything, you as a parent have an equal right to see your kids when you want to. No custody has been set and I am sure you don't want that, but she needs to understand, that you still pay 1/2 the bills, your name is still on the house and you have equal custody to see your daughter. Make sure you're not so nice that you get taken advantage of... Link to post Share on other sites
redfathom Posted November 5, 2008 Share Posted November 5, 2008 When my H and I seperated (we have no kids) I polietly asked him to leave the house while I packed up my things and I went to my dads. It was my choice to leave and I did just that, I didn't ask him to leave. During this time, we never changed bank accounts and my money was till deposited into our joint account. I planned on paying things 50/50 if anything happened, to include the mortgage even if I didn't live there...we are thankfully back together. Link to post Share on other sites
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