Guess it was over a long time ago?

[Poiter]

My girlfriend of nearly 3 years and I were having a rough time the last month or so. She was distancing herself a fair bit, acting unnatractive and unnapproachable etc.

 

She breaks up with me on the night of her 21st and says she thinks she's lost her feelings for me. She's in absolute tears.

 

A week later she takes off on a flight interstate. Staying with soemone who knew all about our relationship issues (she never told me why she was acting hte way she did, she even gave me a really nice gift a few days for the break up telling me how much she loved me).

 

While on this holiday she meets this guy in person, sleeps with him twice and then comes back. A week later she's made plans to move interstate and live with him...

 

I am absolutely devastated. My counselor says I'm on the verge of a crisis and my Doc has just started pescribing me some pills to help with the anxiety.

 

How could she forget 3 years so suddenly? When she returned home she let me stay over, even told me she didn't have feelings for ANYONE (hence why I could stay over). She even pissed me when I took her to hospital since she's been back (she was very sick and I was the ONLY one there for her).

 

Now she's moving interstate for 6-9 months to live with thisguy. She insists she'll be back. She wants to be friends but I told her I can't. This guy is 13 years older than her (she's 21) and has a very nasty ex-wife (who made my ex cry while she was up there) and he also has 3 kids with this ex-wife.

 

What is she thinking? I went to visit her a couple days ago and took my stuff back. I took my $2000 computer I gave to her, some clothes that were there, gave her heaps of her clothes back and she gave me a gift from the holiday which I didn't accept. I also gave her back the drawing she gave me a couple days before the break up. Gave the drawing and the attached love letter back. I told her if she's ever in trouble she can call me.

 

 

I don't suppose anyone has any input on all this? Any extra details they need? I've never felt so.... "unreal" in my life. I just can't comprehend what is happening...

[Sysyphus28]

seriously, me too. it was unreal

you get used the reality real quick.

[lofi_tokyo]

The relationship was probably falling apart for more than a month before the breakup, but it never became obvious until near the end.

 

My guess is she was considering getting out of the relationship for a while, and started looking for reasons to break up, started telling this older man these things, and before she knew it, his constant being there for her had become something she desired. So she had someone new to move on to - perfect - because she wouldn't be lonely when she left you.

 

Shes moved on to this new guy.

 

My guess is they won't last. I seriously doubt it. Unless she was single before falling for him, its entirely possible she never had an objective chance to look at him. That means, she has probably fallen for a guy not compatible with her, and in a matter of months things will fall apart.

 

She'll either get used to the idea of being without you and will dump him (rebound), or he'll end up being a total jerk, or maybe a really great guy, but not what she needs, and they'll break up.

 

That does not mean shes coming back. You shouldn't want her back. It just means... don't worry about this other guy and her being together. Shes out of your life now, and honestly, the chances of them ending up happy together, forever, is pretty slim.

[lofi_tokyo]

seriously, me too. it was unreal

you get used the reality real quick.

 

I think Sys's girl, who went for another man, ended up breaking things off with the new guy, right Sys? Then she just moved on to another?

[Yamaha]

Consider yourself lucky. She sounds like a flake. It doesn't matter about the 3 years. You found out what she's really like so be thankful and find someone who appreciates you.

[Poiter]

The relationship was probably falling apart for more than a month before the breakup, but it never became obvious until near the end.

 

I spoke to some of her net buddies (never spoke to them) and things were adding up for months. The worst part is i didn't see it. I just thought she was acting indifferent for no logical reason and of course that turned me off her and made a bigger gap.

 

My guess is she was considering getting out of the relationship for a while, and started looking for reasons to break up, started telling this older man these things, and before she knew it, his constant being there for her had become something she desired. So she had someone new to move on to - perfect - because she wouldn't be lonely when she left you.

 

As she said she could "confide" in this new man. I was shocked when she used that word. She has a very simple vocabulary most of the time. That's not an insult, it's just the way she talks.

 

I know she values my friendship as she said on this final day of contact that "she's happy seeing me calm, she likes being able to talk about things (just not about us).

 

And I know she really appreciated me rushing her to the hospital that day when she was very sick.

 

My guess is they won't last. I seriously doubt it. Unless she was single before falling for him, its entirely possible she never had an objective chance to look at him. That means, she has probably fallen for a guy not compatible with her, and in a matter of months things will fall apart.

 

She had spoken to him on the net for probably 6 months tops. He showed interest in her and she said she has boundaries because she's in a relationship.

 

He invited her up there to stay and she planned this trip just before we broke up. After we broke up she arrived there a week later. But at the same time she had messaged another guy down here that she met, asking why he wasn't returning her messages and "what the go is".

 

The guy she was messaging is the one I was worried about. His looks are what she'd go for alone. He's got a bit of a bad boy complex and after the way she's lied so much lately (covering up all this, not telling her best friend what's going on, lieing to my family about the break up etc) I figured that's what she'd want.

 

She'll either get used to the idea of being without you and will dump him (rebound), or he'll end up being a total jerk, or maybe a really great guy, but not what she needs, and they'll break up.

 

Not sure if he'll be a total jerk. I dunno why he split with his ex-wife, someone said he was too busy on the computer when she wanted attention. But I know she wants to move back down here to live in a few months. He'd leave 3 kids behind to move?

 

She definitely said he gave her something I never did. That was pretty painful, I thought the only thing I hadn't given her so far were kids because I haven't got a place for us yet...

 

She seems to see nothing but negative aspects when she's around me. Simply bringing up "us" agitates her, but if we talk about anything else (movies etc) she'll talk calmy and iwth attention.

 

That does not mean shes coming back. You shouldn't want her back. It just means... don't worry about this other guy and her being together. Shes out of your life now, and honestly, the chances of them ending up happy together, forever, is pretty slim.

 

I try not to want her back. As I said there were things making me unhappy too, not to the point of a break up, but definitely a big clash. But right now I can only feel my poor effort the past few months (I was really behaving the wrong way) and I try to focus on her negative aspects, but when all is lost it's hard. The same way you never think of negative things when at a funeral, that sort of stuff has no place anymore.

 

Consider yourself lucky. She sounds like a flake. It doesn't matter about the 3 years. You found out what she's really like so be thankful and find someone who appreciates you.

 

I'm trying so hard to think like that. I even have alist of the things I didn't like about her. But it's hard for me to think like that. I'm not bad person so I feel horrible focusing on her negative traits.

 

Especially when she's never done something like this befroe.

[Poiter]

Anyone got some further input?

[sacg]

God, I could of wrote that myself i feel for you man

[Poiter]

God, I could of wrote that myself i feel for you man

 

It makes me feel better when I realise I'm not alone, but then I have to ask why someone should have to go through this.

 

She told a friend of hers (who told me) that this guy has given her something in a week, that I never did in 3 years and that's absolutely destroyed me...

[EmperorR]

God, I could of wrote that myself i feel for you man

 

Likewise, my ex went away for two weeks met a guy cheated on me came back dumpedme and is now screwing somenew guy she just met.

[sacg]

any info will do you in mate. I never did this but go no nc and try and move on. Wot will be will be, and I Hated that expression

 

They lie, let her find out what she wants, at the mo mate it ain't you. Sorry mate.

 

 

You wanna pm that's fine

[sacg]

any info will do you in mate. I never did this but go no nc and try and move on. Wot will be will be, and I Hated that expression

 

They lie, let her find out what she wants, at the mo mate it ain't you. Sorry mate.

 

I'm still suffering for not taking advice here.

[allanDR]

I can totally understand what you're going through. The sad truth of relationships is that everyone is replaceable. As painful as that truth is, you can't deny it. I'm going through a similar thing, it happened differently but it's probably just as painful. You'll eventually realize that she's replaceable too. Life has its ups and downs...

[BikerBeagle]

I told her if she's ever in trouble she can call me.

I don't have any good advice, unfortunately, but wanted to commend you on your ability to leave her an out if she needs you. You are obviously concerned with her choices of late, but they are just that ...her choices. The common advice is to simply go NC and move on - which you should do - but if she gets into trouble, she knows you are there for her. Very admirable.

[Poiter]

I don't have any good advice, unfortunately, but wanted to commend you on your ability to leave her an out if she needs you. You are obviously concerned with her choices of late, but they are just that ...her choices. The common advice is to simply go NC and move on - which you should do - but if she gets into trouble, she knows you are there for her. Very admirable.

 

 

I don't like her decisions at all. I think she's being very emotional (irrational) and naive. Taking things "one day at a time". Well if you're taking one day at a time towards a cliff.. you're still headed for that cliff.

 

It's a quality she appreciates in me and relates to easily. Like I said she kissed me at the hospital when Iwas the only one there to rush her. So she obviously feels appreciation for it.

 

She's got enough negativity about me at the moment, telling people he gives her something I never did like letting her be herself... a load of ****, I never told her todo anything, sometimes I got embarassed by her antics but that's a part of unconditional love and I learned to share it whether it was fun or embarassing.

 

Either way, this will give her something to remember.

 

And lo and behold, nearly 3 days after that ultimatum, she's already tried making small talk on MSN. And she got the cold one worded replies. Because I know she was only online to talk to him. Not me.

[Peter_pan]

omg dude, that is awful! man i feel for you

 

how old are you?

 

it seems like girls literally flip out on there 21st or around that time

 

what the hell! thats 3 stories including mine where the girl has done something like this. what you said >>

 

She seems to see nothing but negative aspects when she's around me. Simply bringing up "us" agitates her, but if we talk about anything else (movies etc) she'll talk calmy and iwth attention.

 

they do that because they cant handle that what they are doing is wrong and painful to the other person. i had to deal with her flipping out every-time i mentioned us. ugh

[Poiter]

 

they do that because they cant handle that what they are doing is wrong and painful to the other person. i had to deal with her flipping out every-time i mentioned us. ugh

 

Mine had panic attacks. But as soon as he called, she'd calm down immediately.

 

She leaves in 6 days anyway. I've made it clear I have no interest in being her "friend". Not after what I've gone through.

 

Here I am with such extreme hurt and anxiety I'm forced to take pills so I can eat... meanwhile she is getting ready to run into the arms of a sleeze who has more baggage than an airport...

[UnamedSeven]

I've only read Your first post but judging from everything, she may have had ideas to break up with you when things started to get bad. Seeing as, the last month or so hasn't been so good for either of you, thats probably what made her end it. I'm simply baffled as to why she would end the whole thing on her 21st birthday...

 

The only thing left to do, (since your not her friend and i would have done the same exact thing to her), its for the best to let go of the past. I haven't and thats why i am on this site.

[EmperorR]

omg dude, that is awful! man i feel for you

 

how old are you?

 

it seems like girls literally flip out on there 21st or around that time

 

what the hell! thats 3 stories including mine where the girl has done something like this. what you said >>

 

She seems to see nothing but negative aspects when she's around me. Simply bringing up "us" agitates her, but if we talk about anything else (movies etc) she'll talk calmy and iwth attention.

 

they do that because they cant handle that what they are doing is wrong and painful to the other person. i had to deal with her flipping out every-time i mentioned us. ugh

 

that was my ex, when I tried to do the friends crap and whenever I brought up us, she suddenly had to sign off aim or if on the phone suddenly had to go

[Jenny123]

I know it's easy for me 2 say, she doesn't deserve u. That relationship wit new guy doesn't look likely to last. Let her go, she has more problems to contend with than U have. His ex will give her hell. good luck:)

[lofi_tokyo]

I know it's easy for me 2 say, she doesn't deserve u. That relationship wit new guy doesn't look likely to last. Let her go, she has more problems to contend with than U have. His ex will give her hell. good luck:)

 

I agree entirely with Jenny, I don't think the new relationship will last. Thats kind of what I was getting at when I posted at the beggining saying that Sys' ex broke up with him for another man, but then she ended disliking the relationship.

 

It sounds like your ex is making a pretty HUGE move, and its happening quite hastily. I doubt it will work out. That being said, don't hold out on them breaking up. They've gotta have a relationship be fun for a while before they start to see it go downhill. You could definately end up getting hurt if you watch their relationship to see if it fails.

[Poiter]

Yeah I won't be following the relationship at all.

 

According to her she still has our photos of us together up in her room?...

 

She continues to leave messages on Windows Live Messenger. I don't reply to them.. but should I block her? She might not be able to tell if I've blocked her. But I don't want her thinking I actually care about her messages and are digesting them. I just don't want her thinking she has power to talk to me as a friend. Because I'm not. For one, friends of mine don't leave their boyfriends of 3 years to run off and sleep with someone a week later. They don't lie constantly to my and my family and they don't make stupid decisions without considering the consequences.

[UnamedSeven]

You should really tell her something along these lines. "If you have any respect left for me or anything, then you would kindly leave my life because you are already gone from mine". She doesn't deserve to be your friend, even if you wanted her to be. She hurt you, far more than any one person can. Nothing good would ever come from this anymore. She honestly doesn't know what its been like, to be in your situation.

[Poiter]

You should really tell her something along these lines. "If you have any respect left for me or anything, then you would kindly leave my life because you are already gone from mine". She doesn't deserve to be your friend, even if you wanted her to be. She hurt you, far more than any one person can. Nothing good would ever come from this anymore. She honestly doesn't know what its been like, to be in your situation.

 

It's a shame too. Especially when she told me all the horror stories of her exs that broke up with her in text messages or after they found a new partner. She's done exactly what every jerk did to her to her longest relationship.

 

When I initially tried talking to her I was pretty distressed and she kept saying things like "I wish I could help you calm down but I'm in hospital". Given her lack of interest to do anything other than attempt to make small talk, I seriously doubt her sincerity.

[Peter_pan]

man i dont really no what to say, but i know one thing, you are better off without her thats for sure...

 

 

shame she has done this. my ex made a hasty move, broke up with him a few times but now there as happy as larry i guess, since its nearly been a year for them....