Guess it was over a long time ago?

[UnamedSeven]

It's a shame too. Especially when she told me all the horror stories of her exs that broke up with her in text messages or after they found a new partner. She's done exactly what every jerk did to her to her longest relationship.

 

When I initially tried talking to her I was pretty distressed and she kept saying things like "I wish I could help you calm down but I'm in hospital". Given her lack of interest to do anything other than attempt to make small talk, I seriously doubt her sincerity.

I see. She really sounded like she just didn't want to talk to you (in my opinion). Have you told her that you don't want a friendship with her? i mean, i would think that everything would stop if you did that. But, only do that if you honestly feel its best. (sorry i'm just a little confused on everything. if you wouldn't mind clearing a few things up, that would be great)

[Poiter]

I see. She really sounded like she just didn't want to talk to you (in my opinion). Have you told her that you don't want a friendship with her? i mean, i would think that everything would stop if you did that. But, only do that if you honestly feel its best. (sorry i'm just a little confused on everything. if you wouldn't mind clearing a few things up, that would be great)

 

 

When I tried talking to her after the break up, she really did sound uninterested and I felt it too. Couldn't understand how she could be so cold so fast.

 

 

 

I told her a couple times there is no friendship or future contact and she didn't seem to acknowledge that. She kept saying "talk soon" and even takes a step to message me on Messender (I don' want to block her and completely reject her as she knows that's not me).

 

 

What things are you unsure of that you want me to clear up?

[UnamedSeven]

No thats about it. What you could do, though there is some pain involved, you can go absolutely No Contact. If your able to do it, its probably the only option left. If she wants a friendship, don't give her it. That applies to anything/everything having to do with her. Doing this, she can experience what it feels like to be where you are.

[Poiter]

Again she tried contacting me yesterday. "hi" "hi" "how are you?" "hi" "how is everything?... talk soon then"

 

Does she not get the hint?

 

I feel insulted by the fact she keeps asking questions like that! I told her only talk to me if you're in trouble.

 

Here we are days from her running off to be with someone nearly 15 years older than her, who she slept with days after we broke up and days after she had only just finally met them in person, who she's now 3 days away from living with and she is asking me how I am?!

 

What the **** do I say to SOMETHING so heartless?!

[Poiter]

Funny that, second after writing that post, she comes online:

 

Her: Hello

 

Her: How are you?

 

(This time I reply instead of ignoring her and this time I reply immediately)

 

Me: I had the deceny to say you could contact me if you were in trouble and you keep trying to talk.

 

Honestly, how do you think I am?

 

Me: Do I really need to recap over what has happened the last month?

 

Her: Sorry *goes offline*

 

Well I broke no contact, but by not blocking her I suppose I was open to it anyway.

[EmperorR]

Funny that, second after writing that post, she comes online:

 

Her: Hello

 

Her: How are you?

 

(This time I reply instead of ignoring her and this time I reply immediately)

 

Me: I had the deceny to say you could contact me if you were in trouble and you keep trying to talk.

 

Honestly, how do you think I am?

 

Me: Do I really need to recap over what has happened the last month?

 

Her: Sorry *goes offline*

 

Well I broke no contact, but by not blocking her I suppose I was open to it anyway.

 

 

block her

 

my ex did the same thing 21 days nc, then ims me on yahoo messenger how are you, but I didn't reply I just signed off and blocked her

[Poiter]

block her

 

my ex did the same thing 21 days nc, then ims me on yahoo messenger how are you, but I didn't reply I just signed off and blocked her

 

 

I might have to.

 

Her contacting me is just giving me false hope. I don't think she really understands (or wants to face) what she's done to me. She has really emotionally cheated on me rather than talking about her feelings and me taking her for granted (while truely appreciating her) has left me with such a heavy heart.

[UnamedSeven]

You fight Heartless with Heartless. If she can't get the message, then don't let her run your entire life down by her still existing in your life. As hard as it is, you may have to literally have an arguement to end this entire Situation. From my point of view, if it gets her to leave, then she deserves it. Let her know that it was her Fault that you've became this way. God knows i would.

[Poiter]

I followed up this with a message shortly after saying:

 

"You really have no idea what you've done to me have you? What you're doing?..."

 

Then back to NC.

[UnamedSeven]

Its still obvious to me that she still wants you to be there. Thinking, that you being there will help ease all the pain off of the situation. Its her way of saying sorry by still talking to you and trying to salvage the rest of the destroyed Friendship between you and her. You, of course, don't want any of that, but she's inclined to stay without your approval. No Contact is the best way, but half of the people here aren't going to experience the Ex still trying to talk to you during No Contact. But, this will happen to you. I know, that if i got a text from my Ex or she attempted to call me, i would break down crying wherever i am.

[Poiter]

Well she's come online today an dhasn't said a word. Guess maybe the hint got through that I only ever want to hear from her if she's in serious trouble.

 

Which is kind of a contradiction. If she's ever in serious trouble she'll call her family. Maybe she understood the deeper message here.

[UnamedSeven]

If she didn't get the whole message, go about with just udder ignorance. If anything, if she trys to contact you again, just reply with whatever you want that will remind her to only call when shes in trouble. If this is through AIM or msn or something of that sort, just sign off immediately after that so it will show her that you, truly, don't care.

[Poiter]

If she didn't get the whole message, go about with just udder ignorance. If anything, if she trys to contact you again, just reply with whatever you want that will remind her to only call when shes in trouble. If this is through AIM or msn or something of that sort, just sign off immediately after that so it will show her that you, truly, don't care.

 

 

Well... a few hours after that message she tried contacting me again. "What you up to".

 

I had one at 4:30 PM, 6:00 PM 6:50 PM (when I got home) and then 6:51. I ignored them again, mind you I had just attended a serious job (I work in emergency services).

 

Then at 10:30 again she tries asking "what you up to".

 

I reply to her this time immediately with "I told you can call me if you're in trouble. What did I get up to? I had a horrible day (type a couple details) and she replied with "wow" after reading the details.

 

I wrapped up the conversation with "Now I told you you can call if you're in trouble, otherwise, see ya" and she didn't sayanything after that.

 

According to a friend of hers her family has been making her upset about her decision.

 

Just felt the need to vent a little. That she keeps contacting me. I don't exactly want to block it as I feel I'm getting a little power back because she keeps trying to talk and I ignore.

 

But I'm also trying not to over analyse this. Why is she always trying to talk to me? She still trying to persue this friendship crap?

 

Her new man will be down either today or tomorrow anyway...

[Poiter]

Could be the last update/vent for a while.

 

I called her up. The basic convo:

 

 

"Hello"

 

"Hi"

 

"Why do you keep messaging me?"

 

"I'm sorry"

 

"No you said that the last few times, why do you keep messaging me?"

 

"I was just trying to say hi"

 

"Okay well don't. Let me make it clear, we're not friends okay? I don't want to talk you"

 

"Okay it won't happen again"

 

"Good. We're not friends and I don't want messages. If you keep sending them, I'll get an intervention from the cops okay. See ya"

 

"Okay see ya".

 

 

Probably a bad move. But someone said if they ever want to come back, they'll find a way.

 

Either way I suppose there is no "bad move". She's leaving to go interstate iwth this guy tomorrow anyway.

[UnamedSeven]

Sigh. I'm really sorry, man. I can't really say too much other than what i've already said. Now that shes stopped bothering you, its best to forget that this whole thing happened. Let me just give you a brief thing of the whole scenario in a different way: She lost a jewel and wants to get it back. That jewel (you) had lost its value once she saw a diamond (that other guy) else that looked better to her. She wanted both, but still thought that the diamond, was better to her. She failed in trying to get the jewel, and one day, shes going to lose the diamond and be left with nothing. By that point, it will be far from now, but don't even bother answering her call.

[lofi_tokyo]

You're right, you may have been curt and final with her, but if she wants you back, that won't matter.

 

For now though, you've stood your ground and that is FANTASTIC! Honestly? I would not have had the strength to do that. Lucky for me my ex has happily cut me out of his life and isn't calling.

 

You've already proven how strong you can be - so stick to it! I'm sorry you're going through this... but there is hope, you're doing well.

[Poiter]

Thanks guys I really appreciate the feedback and support!

 

Definitely one of the toughest things I've gone through. I'm doing my best to avoid contact now, including deleting her off messenger and not checking up on her through her friends and family.

 

Apparently her family don't like this guy. Her best friend said she doesn't like the guy either but she needs to be there for her. The family and few friends i've spoken to think the whole decision on her part is stupid. But then I feel guilty hoping I'm not providing a biased truth to the whole situation.

 

 

Edit: It's not as easy as it sounds. Deep down I want to be friends with her. Because I'm fighting for her. holding on to whatever hope there is, no matter how small. Hoping she'll see value in me once again and come back. But logically, it's not happening. She's trying to make small talk. She has no concern about the serious accident I attended yesterday with emergency services. She hasn't called or anything so she hides behind messenger.

 

It's clear how little value she places in me. She's trying to say hi when it suits her and that insults and hurts me.

[UnamedSeven]

Ahh ok. Well, i think its safe to say that as much as everybody on this site feels about their ex, they want there to be a place for the ex. Where, something could grow and establish a new connection. Sadly, nothing ever happens and it probably won't.

 

Poiter, she is blind to see any value in you. You donated, i forget how much time to her, and shes willing to live her life without looking back on you or the relationship. She wanted to show you that she cares as a friend. This means nothing now and is an Insult to you because shes just trying to pave over what "was" and try to make a friendship out of whatever is left. It's not your fault. If she honestly saw the Value that she is blind to, she would not have left you for someone that will lead her, to her own Downfall.

[Poiter]

Figured I'd post a little update.

 

About a week after the last contact (where I phone called her saying never to talk to me again) she sent a message on Messenger patronising me about the stress I've gone through lately. Pretending to be friendly.

 

I promptly replied (a little agressive) telling her how dare she try and pretend to understand my work stress and how it is nothing compared to the stress I've faced since the break up. I also informed her my family now know the full story about what is going on and to leave me alone.

 

 

About 10 days later I received a mobile phone message (assuming that she's figured out I've not blocked her on Messenger) saying:

 

"I'm sorry that i was such a bad gf that i sent you to counselling, you aways said you werent happy with me and i wasnt a good gf but i didnt think how bad i was. i hope you meet someone who can pull you out of it not send you in. im sorry im a loser"

 

I did not reply. The next day she sends a message to my sister pretending to be friends, saying things like:

 

"I know poiter won't talk to me but thanks for being a friend all those years. E-mail me back when you want, thanks, I'll be back home from interstate before you know it, how is the bf?"

 

My sister of course did not reply either.

 

 

Does she just have no clue? She's dumped me, moved out with an older guy a week later and she seems to think everything is on friendly terms? Even after I tell her my family thinks she's a disgrace she still tries to e-mail my sister?

 

I just have no idea what todo.

[EmperorR]

Its disgusting how exes dump you treat you like crap and actually think you'"ll be fine being friends

 

My ex Cheated on me dumped me found a new guy a week later and had the nerve to say let's be friends and continuing contacting me. Hell even on what would have ben three years she texts me like were still in a relationship going to celebrate. I told my ex bye but I broke nc then after getting disrespected one more time I went total nc, of course she probably thought I would break it again but nope 71 days cold nc I've got text and some Ims but I've just ignored thm been like 30 days with no contact from her shrugs

[dns502475]

Poiter,

 

I read your story and seriously...you've handled yourself like a champ! I wouldn't entertain any of her calls or messages whatsoever.

 

I can absolutely tell you what happened...your ex thought the grass was greener. She looked for the BBD (Bigger Better Deal) and thought she found it. She moved in with it...and it's not as good of a deal as she thought.

 

I've seen SO many of these situations between men and women and I've seen certain patterns out of each gender in these situations. The way relationship dynamics work between the sexes leads to certain "games" out of each sex. This is all generally speaking of course, but men play certain games and women play certain others.

 

First of all, all of the "no contact" and "stay the hell away from me" stuff ironically creates "challenge". At one point you were always available, now you're "un-get-able" and she's having a tough time with dealing with it. She's actually developing a new and twisted form of respect for you and The funny part is that if you two somehow got back together, she'd do the exact same thing over again.

 

She sounds like a drama queen, a love-addict and an attention-junkie.

 

It doesn't matter what she's thinking, or her reasons for contacting you. Those are her problems now, my friend.

 

You're doing phenomenal. You kept your head up and maintained your dignity the entire time. This woman completely disrespected you and your feelings. Even when you've told her to give you space to recover, she still won't respect even that. She only cares about how she feels.

 

Now you just have to do one thing...get over her.

[Gremio]

Not to say she is nuts... but in a way she is. She doesn't know what she wants in life, based on your story. I get the feeling she is a spur of the moment type, who falls easily for someone, and doesn't also think of the consequences of their choices.

 

This has happened to me. A three year LTR, the last month she was acting distant, then breaks up with me for someone else. She claimed she didn't but five days after we broke up she was sleeping with him. A week after that she came crawling back begging me to take her back. It was one of the hardest goodbye's in my life, but also the easiest.

 

As I've grown older (I was 19 at the time, now in my mid 20s) I realized it isn't worth it to be with someone who isn't sure what they want. You need to find someone who is stable and knows what they want.

[Poiter]

I don't get why she sends those two messages like that though out of the blue? According to a friend (whom I've now said not to notify me) she is happy up there with this guy.

 

So why send silly messages like this?

[dns502475]

I don't get why she sends those two messages like that though out of the blue?...So why send silly messages like this?

 

 

If I may ask...why does it matter?

 

You've done a great job in handling this breakup. Better than almost anyone I've seen in terms of keeping their dignity and pride and not allowing themselves to resort to any masochistic attempts at getting their ex back.

 

But you have to be honest with yourself about your feelings, too. It's okay to admit to yourself that a small part of you wants her back and takes these messages as signs of hope.

 

You just can't give into them.

 

Honestly, Poiter...she's doing what a lot of women do following a breakup. It's about approval seeking and attention seeking. It won't make sense to you. Don't "go down the rabbit hole" in an attempt to understand it.

 

You've made up your mind that it's over, and that's all that matters.

[Poiter]

If I may ask...why does it matter?

 

But you have to be honest with yourself about your feelings, too. It's okay to admit to yourself that a small part of you wants her back and takes these messages as signs of hope.

 

You just can't give into them.

 

 

 

I think that's what it is.

 

A part of me wants my sister to reply to the e-mail honestly and give her a verbal beating to make her actually FEEL some guilt over this because according to her "I'm acting weird" and it's quite obvious in her actions she feels she's done nothing wrong.

 

But a part of me just wants to walk away from the whole thing.