Guess it was over a long time ago?

[dns502475]

But a part of me just wants to walk away from the whole thing.

 

 

And that part of you is the REAL you. That's the part of you that knows you deserve better and knows it's out there waiting for you. It's the part of you that knows you'll be just fine.

 

Trust it.

[Poiter]

You see yo say I have dignity right? I think I just proved you wrong.

 

She messages me again, saying "Oh you're going to that club? I always wanted to go there, it must be good if yuo're going out there again obviously I hear it was good".

 

Or some crap like that.

 

And I ignored her. She tried messaging my cousin, who ignored her too.

 

 

And what did i do, I went ot the lcub alright, and here I am replying as drunk as a skunk. Couldn't beat the ex and coudldn't even enjoy mysef.

 

She aleays wins.. meanwhile whse's probably in bed with her new lover.

 

 

I think my dignity is floating somewhere in this booze. I dunno

[dns502475]

Everybody gets one "drunk dial". LOL! It's cool.

[Poiter]

So now she's apparently "his kid's favourite". So he has enough girls over for the kids to pick a favourite?

 

I sincerely doubt the kids have chosen a new girl over their mother whom they live with.

 

But anyway it's put me in the worst ****ing mood. I guess I broke NC a long time ago right?

 

 

I just dunno what todo, she sends me messages, they give me an ego trip, but then it wares off and it's back to square one.

 

It's like everything around me is just negative. Everyone I know is breaking up, I caused a serious stuff up at work the other day, I broke my pager, I try meeting new people but the lack of confidence just shows too damn well.

[UnamedSeven]

Figured I'd post a little update.

 

About a week after the last contact (where I phone called her saying never to talk to me again) she sent a message on Messenger patronising me about the stress I've gone through lately. Pretending to be friendly.

 

I promptly replied (a little agressive) telling her how dare she try and pretend to understand my work stress and how it is nothing compared to the stress I've faced since the break up. I also informed her my family now know the full story about what is going on and to leave me alone.

 

 

About 10 days later I received a mobile phone message (assuming that she's figured out I've not blocked her on Messenger) saying:

 

"I'm sorry that i was such a bad gf that i sent you to counselling, you aways said you werent happy with me and i wasnt a good gf but i didnt think how bad i was. i hope you meet someone who can pull you out of it not send you in. im sorry im a loser"

 

I did not reply. The next day she sends a message to my sister pretending to be friends, saying things like:

 

"I know poiter won't talk to me but thanks for being a friend all those years. E-mail me back when you want, thanks, I'll be back home from interstate before you know it, how is the bf?"

 

My sister of course did not reply either.

 

 

Does she just have no clue? She's dumped me, moved out with an older guy a week later and she seems to think everything is on friendly terms? Even after I tell her my family thinks she's a disgrace she still tries to e-mail my sister?

 

I just have no idea what todo.

What a jerk. Honestly, how can someone be so daft? I mean, is she really trying to get a friendship, again, between you and her? This whole thing doesn't make sense. Just, leave her be so that she can lose at her game of 'life' and she will have no one to go to

[Poiter]

Been a week and heard nothing. She's blocked completely on Messenger this time as well as deleted.

[UnamedSeven]

Good job with this. I wish you the best of luck and hope this whole thing sees itself through.

[Gzus]

Poiter,

 

Man. You gotta let her go cuz. Seriously. Dont be pathetic. Dont let her valuation of you become your self valuation. People will **** on you if you let them. Dont EVER talk to her again. EVER. ****ING EVER. Seriously. Every time you reply or call, you look pathetic to her. You dont ever speak to her and move on, and its the worst thing you can do to her. She's not going to feel guilt about this because she's probably a nutcase. People are selfish pieces of ****. So what. Move on. Find a new girl and start going out and doing things. That is the best way to move on.

 

Good luck.

[Poiter]

Poiter,

 

Man. You gotta let her go cuz. Seriously. Dont be pathetic. Dont let her valuation of you become your self valuation. People will **** on you if you let them. Dont EVER talk to her again. EVER. ****ING EVER. Seriously. Every time you reply or call, you look pathetic to her. You dont ever speak to her and move on, and its the worst thing you can do to her. She's not going to feel guilt about this because she's probably a nutcase. People are selfish pieces of ****. So what. Move on. Find a new girl and start going out and doing things. That is the best way to move on.

 

Good luck.

 

 

I'm working on it when I can. BUt it's hard when this person just can't **** off out of your life.

 

Now she's messaging family. Asking how they are. Calling up in tears worried about her impression she's left behind, trying to tell them there was "more to it all" but then they ask what exactly and she replies "I don't wanna say".

 

I went bezerk recently. Lashing out at her before hanging up the phone. Just can't hold the anger in like this all the time...

[UnamedSeven]

Yeah. True that. Things, like this, can't last forever. She'll eventually stop. When she does, salvage whatever you can, and take the memories with you. After a breakup, thats all that your left with. I don't know if you even want to consider keeping anything at all from the relationship, but its something to consider.

[FindingMyselfAgain]

Warning: If you ever think of taking her back, hit yourself on the head with a sledgehammer. It will hurt less and be more productive.

 

If you take her back, she will now have 'permission' to bail on you whenever she wants, knowing you will be there, puppydog-like, grateful for whatever scraps she would deign to throw you.

 

If you take her back, she will never respect you.

[Poiter]

Jus tthought I'd post an upadte.

 

Here we are nearly 1 year later, and I've gone no-where. I'm still not even close to being over it and I've tried everything.

 

I give up.

[soheartbroken]

It hasn't really been a year though. From what I've gathered from your thread, there was a lot of contact post-breakup. When was the absolute last time that you spoke to her/got an update about her/found out something about her?

[mickleb]

Hi Poiter. Are you still requiring the tablets? Have you done any counselling? You may need some professional help to enable you to move forward.

 

The sort of earth-shattering experience you have been through, here, can take a very long time to get over and it sounds as though this has seriously eaten into your self-esteem.

 

You need some help in rebuilding your sense of self. Who you were before she came into your life, who you still are - all the experiences, people, skills, qualities, dreams, etc that don't include her and that define you.

 

You WILL recover from this and you will be stronger for it.

 

Can you let us know how you've been getting through this year, so far? x

[Poiter]

It hasn't really been a year though. From what I've gathered from your thread, there was a lot of contact post-breakup. When was the absolute last time that you spoke to her/got an update about her/found out something about her?

 

Last contact was actually 2 months ago. First time since I last posted anything.

 

I sent a message as I found a few financial documents so made contact to be fair as these are legal things.

 

She quickly asked how I was, seemed happy by her tone in her text messages, asked how I was, how work was, complimented my promotion at work and then popped the question if I had a new girl yet. I didn't reply to that and haven't heard since. She's still up there by the way.

 

The whole conversation was about 3 text message replies from her.

 

Then last week she contacted a close mate of mine (whom she had blocked and ignored). Asked him about how he's been going, how his step son is etc. He pretty much said "good" and ignored the rest of her convo. He can't stand her and thinks she's an idiot to think she can just approach people like nothing ever happened.

 

 

Hi Poiter. Are you still requiring the tablets? Have you done any counselling? You may need some professional help to enable you to move forward.

 

Nah long gone off those, stopped those before my last post. Doctor agreed that they weren't needed. I didn't do any further councelling (did it twice at a pretty large expense) and found it didn't help. I found talking to friends got it off my chest easier

 

The sort of earth-shattering experience you have been through, here, can take a very long time to get over and it sounds as though this has seriously eaten into your self-esteem.

 

You need some help in rebuilding your sense of self. Who you were before she came into your life, who you still are - all the experiences, people, skills, qualities, dreams, etc that don't include her and that define you.

 

You WILL recover from this and you will be stronger for it.

 

Can you let us know how you've been getting through this year, so far? x

 

Basically just been working and studying. Should be finished my course this year hopefully and move on into post-grad studies if I choose. otherwise might persue a career or even try something new. Not quite sure yet.

 

I keep up the pace at gym looking after myself and I go out a fair bit with mates. To be honest I don't have a tough time socialising. I've met some nice girls, had the rebounds and the casual meetings but they seem short term. You feel great for the night, remind yourself "you've still got it" and then something will happen during the week (can be something as simple as a silly bad dream) and all of a sudden you feel like you're back at square one.

[moo]

Poiter, I won't go into details, because I've mentioned it too many times. But suffice it to say, I got into a terrible argument with my bf at the time. Within ONE week he was dating again. I did not even know we had broken up. When that happens it's like the relationship meant nothing to them. I know it is absolutely devastating.

 

Sorry about your anxiety. I suffer from anxiety and depression. I do deep breathing techniques that really help. I'm also on medication. I went back into therapy when my ridiculous ex left me.

 

Hang in there. Sorry you are hurting.

[moo]

Pointer, there are different types of counseling. Some are more directive than others. Usually the first few sessions are just information gathering. There could have been more coming if you stuck with it. With my therapist, we did lots of exercises that really helped, such as drawing the negativity that my ex left me with, making a list of what I like about myself, deep breathing techniques and more.

 

Self help books also help a whole lot.

[mickleb]

Last contact was actually 2 months ago. First time since I last posted anything.

 

I sent a message as I found a few financial documents so made contact to be fair as these are legal things.

 

She quickly asked how I was, seemed happy by her tone in her text messages, asked how I was, how work was, complimented my promotion at work and then popped the question if I had a new girl yet. I didn't reply to that and haven't heard since. She's still up there by the way.

 

The whole conversation was about 3 text message replies from her.

 

Then last week she contacted a close mate of mine (whom she had blocked and ignored). Asked him about how he's been going, how his step son is etc. He pretty much said "good" and ignored the rest of her convo. He can't stand her and thinks she's an idiot to think she can just approach people like nothing ever happened.

 

 

 

 

Nah long gone off those, stopped those before my last post. Doctor agreed that they weren't needed. I didn't do any further councelling (did it twice at a pretty large expense) and found it didn't help. I found talking to friends got it off my chest easier

 

 

 

Basically just been working and studying. Should be finished my course this year hopefully and move on into post-grad studies if I choose. otherwise might persue a career or even try something new. Not quite sure yet.

 

I keep up the pace at gym looking after myself and I go out a fair bit with mates. To be honest I don't have a tough time socialising. I've met some nice girls, had the rebounds and the casual meetings but they seem short term. You feel great for the night, remind yourself "you've still got it" and then something will happen during the week (can be something as simple as a silly bad dream) and all of a sudden you feel like you're back at square one.

 

Hi Poiter.

 

I agree with moo about counsellors, although I take your point about the expense. A book called from Heartbreak to Connection by Susan Anderson was recommended to me, and I'm finding it helpful. I'm glad your mates have been so helpful.

 

I think, maybe, you will begin to move more quickly forward when you finish your course. You're probably feeling stuck with the same life (but without her) and graduating will help you to refocus and get started on a new path.

 

You're doing lots of good things to help yourself but, as I said before, 5 years is a long relationship to get out of your head.

 

I think you could try writing letters to her that you know you won't post. When someone runs out on you like this, it feels necessary to finish the conversation with them, even when you know actually doing that would just reopen the wound. I think you should 'tell her' how sh*t she's been and how angry you've been made by her. Don't know if you've tried this already but it can help to put some feelings aside, at least for a little while.

 

Hang in there, it will take time. Dreams, songs, films, anything can set you off but you are getting stronger. You have continued without her for months. You will continue to and you will love again but a good therapist or book about moving on will help you to churn out that stuff lurking underneath and process it through. Some therapists will charge only what you can afford to pay, btw.

 

Good luck and keep us in touch. x

[Poiter]

So much negative in this. Reckon anyone can tell me a good story? I'd just love ot hear something nice for a change.