Super Ugly wife wants an un-ugly life

[Guest]

Hello,

I’ve been lurking here. Maybe you can give me your thoughts on what I can do now.

 

I made a big mistake. I married the first man who asked me because I knew no one else would. I’m ugly and I always have been. I never dated until I was in my 20’s and was fixed up. I am a very large person and that is not going to change. I have tried to diet and exercise and everything all of my life and all it has done is make me larger. I was not able to have kids because of my weight.

 

I don’t have much money. I just manage to get by and don’t have a college education. I went to one of those business schools a long time ago, but no one will hire me because I don’t have a “front office appearance” which means I’m too ugly to work in an office. I have worked in retail, but I can’t stand on my feet for very long and bending and lifting are out. I work in a little room just typing documents for just above minimum wage.

 

I’m now in my 50’s and too old to learn anything new and not able to do much anyway because of the rheumatism in my joints. My husband hasn’t been near me in 30 years because I’m so big. I understand that. I wouldn’t want me either, and besides, I’m so big that I don’t have any feelings for sex left. I don’t think he has ever cheated on me, but if he has I don’t care. He has used me and I know it. He didn’t mean it to be mean, but I don’t like him very much. He is a bigot and a racist and I get so tired of hearing him blame everything bad on one race or another. I’ve tried to talk to him, but he truly doesn’t believe he says or does anything wrong and he doesn’t think he “too bad” of a racist. He says he has friends of the different races which I find to be a racist remark in and of itself. He is getting worse as he gets older. He doesn’t work and just sits back and collects disability. He really can’t work though, he can’t read or write very well and he is all crippled up in the back and legs. He is very considerate of me and I do believe he cares what happens to me. We talk and we don’t fight. We play cards sometimes and watch movies on TV. Now that the theaters have the flip-up arm rests we can go to a movie sometimes. Before I didn’t fit in the seat very comfortably and even though my husband might want to go he wouldn’t say anything because he could tell it was uncomfortable for me. That’s what I mean about being considerate. But shouldn’t there be more to a marriage? Or maybe this is it and I don’t know what I’m talking about – which wouldn’t be the first time.

 

If I leave him then we will lose our house and everything in it. I don’t want that because I’ll never have anything like this stuff again. I’m too old to start over. I had a doctor give me information on codependency once. Maybe some of it is true, but in spite of everything that I just said about my husband, at the thought of losing him I feel real deep love for him. I don’t want to lose him – but sometimes I’m wanting to walk out the door too.

 

I’m so torn up inside and I don’t know what to do. It’s got to where it affects my work – here I am, supposed to be typing documents and I’m typing this. I can’t focus anymore. I forget things. I didn’t have a good review last week and I’m afraid I might lose my job – if I’m alone what would I do then?

 

I don’t have any friends or family. I haven’t had a friend since 1973 and when she moved away I never made another friend. I know my husband’s friends, but I don’t have anyone of my own. When I was in my 30s I tried to do volunteer work and joined some organizations in the hope that I would make some friends. But all the little groups formed and I wasn’t in any of them. After about 10 years of this I finally stopped trying. People would only talk to me if they had to. I don’t smell, I’m clean, I’m just ugly. People stay away. I don’t have the energy to be a friend anyway – it takes work.

 

But I don’t know where I should turn now. I’d like there to have been “something” worthwhile in my life. I’d like to have felt the passions you all have talked about – for people, for jobs, for friends.

 

Please don’t tell me to lose weight. If you have never been really big then you don’t understand. Even people who think that losing weight is as easy as quitting smoking are wrong. I quit smoking and it wasn’t hard for me and I didn’t gain but a couple of pounds after I quit. I put the cigarettes down one day and quit cold-turkey. But I have to eat – I can’t quit eating cold-turkey. I did a liquid diet once – under a doctors care, where I totally quit eating for 9 months. In that time I had heart problems and only lost 10 pounds, but ended up with fluid around my heart.

 

I’ve been to doctors and I’ve been in therapy and I’ve even had surgery back in the 80’s. I don’t eat a lot of calories each day, but we also can’t afford a lot of healthy food and the cheapest meal is potatoes and pastas. I have a very slow metabolism and I always have had – I was a big baby and very large kid. That is not going to change.

 

How does someone like me make friends? I’m willing to be that any of you, if you saw me, would not approach me and would quickly get away if I approached any of you. My appearance makes people nervous and afraid. How do I find happiness? Is there even such a thing? I wonder where I’ll end up. I just read a book called “You Get Used to a Place” about people in a sanitarium. I wonder if I’ll end up someplace like that. It actually sounded nice to me. I wouldn’t like being marshaled around for showers and meds, etc., but I would be forced to be in a social situation – or rather, others would be forced to be in a social situation with me and maybe crazy people wouldn’t shun me so.

 

Is there anyone who is so gross and ugly that you know? At work, school, church, that you see regularly at the market, etc.

[quankanne]

I think that even when someone isn't attractive, when they have an appealing personality, people can't stay away. And it sounds to me that you've put more stock into what you aren't or what you can't be, rather than emphazing your good points. I feel bad for you, but I don't think this will solve any of your problems. If you're able, look into some self-help books on improving your self-esteem, and concentrate on that.

[hoopsy32]

I don't know what to really say to you, but your story has remained in my head all day. I read your post before I went to class and wondered about it. I don't think I would have a problem approaching you, I approach a lot of people (depending on what mood I'm in). I just think if I were you, wouldn't I want someone to be so kind to start a conversation with me? Well yes, if I were you, I would love for someone out of the blue to talk to me, to compliment me, or even talk about the weather. So that's why I'm usually a kind person. I'm the one who gives extra change to those cans with slits in them, not even knowing what the donation is for, just knowing my money may help in some way makes me feel better. Now I'm not saying I'm some prissy girl scout wanna-be, I just think about others and how I would want to be treated if I were them. So I don't believe that everyone would run from you.

[longlegzs80]

It is really sad to hear that you think of yourself that way. I know with myself I would have no problem approaching you either just like the others have said. I look at a person not for what they look like because that really does not matter to me at all, I look at someone and want to get to know them because they seem nice, have great personalities etc. I find you to be very very harsh on yourself. Now, as far as what your husband does, does he give you compliments to tell you how beautiful you are? Is your husband a positive person or negative person in your life?

 

Diets: SEriously this helps, but you have to help yourself by physical movement too. My mother who was alittle over weight has lost a great deal of weight where she looks very striking. But what she does is she sticks to a diet on slim fast for breakfast and nothing else, fruit for lunch and then a regular supper. Plus on top of that, she walks, and it is not no stroll walk, it is at a fast clip which has helped her out great as far as mentally and emotionally.

 

Positive encouragement: Take the time and join volunteer stuff whatever it is to meet people. You really need some positive people in your life that will give you random compliments and tell you that your beautiful or tell you that you can do it when it comes to weight loss. Even with the people in your life now, if they are not a positive influence on you, you have the control to shut them out of your life and let them know that you don't want to deal with negative people anymore. Find someone that is willing to do an excersize regium with you everyday or just be a positive aspect to your life.

 

Your most important thing is to focus on yourself and write down things you want to change. You can simply find another job, you can simply say hello and be interested in what the groups at the volunteer places have to say. Just know that you really need a change in your life. Something positive. Maybe your first step is to join the gym and eat healthy and be physically active. Once you get the energy and see the weight loss you will really start feeling better about yourself, too you will meet people with the same interests.

 

I know it is very hard to think positive and take the steps needed to be successful but as my mom says, "you are the captain of your own ship, you can steer it in any direction." I really hope you find some way of helping yourself out. This story is truely sad but instead of telling everyone about a sob story the next time, you will beable to tell a positive one after you get a handle on your life and make positive actions. Hope this helps you out. Take care and let us know what steps your going to take. Good luck to you. ----SARAH

[Guest]

Thanks for your replies. Diet and exercise are not an option for me. I don't eat a lot as it is, it's not like I sit around gorging myself on junk food. I get as much exercise and I can sitting down - I do "work out" every day, but you probably wouldn't consider it a work out because I do it from a chair. I have arthritis and I can't walk much or stand and bend. It's not laziness. I have done the volunteer thing for 10 years when I was physically able to and I never made a friend. I would invite people over for coffee or suggest going to lunch or any number of things, but everyone had other plans. Ten years of that was enough.

 

My husband is verbally supportive of me, but he is also honest - which I have asked him to be with me. He cares about me, and will tell me when I'm wearing something that looks nice, or if he likes my hair or something, but he's also been honest enough to tell me that he doesn't feel about me the way a man should feel about a woman there is no physical attraction at all. I don't blame him one bit for that. He can't fake attraction and I wouldn't want him to.

 

I'm too afraid to leave him, because I would rather have someone in my life than be alone, but sometimes it hurts to be with him too, because of his attitudes and because we are just friends now and not really husband and wife.

 

I don't know what constitutes an appealing personality - I guess its different for everyone. I have a sense of humor and I can laugh or tell jokes. I keep up with current affairs and I'm not afraid to speak up - but there is no one to speak with.

 

 

Longlegzs80 I appreciate your taking the time to respond - but I guess I wasn't real clear in my original post. You talked about your mother and diet and exercise. I had said that was not an option and that I already didn't eat a lot and I have arthritis so I can't do a lot of physical exercise. Besides, I don't believe weight loss is the answer to everything.

 

Positive encouragement: Take the time and join volunteer stuff whatever it is to meet people. You really need some positive people in your life that will give you random compliments and tell you that your beautiful or tell you that you can do it when it comes to weight loss. Even with the people in your life now, if they are not a positive influence on you, you have the control to shut them out of your life and let them know that you don't want to deal with negative people anymore. Find someone that is willing to do an excersize regium with you everyday or just be a positive aspect to your life.

 

I said that I did do volunteer stuff and I still never made a friend. I am unable to do any of that now. Yes, I need positive people in my life - but there isn't anyone - I've met hundreds of people over the years and NO ONE wanted to be a part of my life. The only person in my life now is my husband. Do I shut him out? That's why I came here, because I don't know what to do, or if I should even try to do something different. Find someone willing to do an exercise regium with me -- ??!! Do you want to come over, sit in a chair and wave your arms around with me? No one else does either.

 

 

Your most important thing is to focus on yourself and write down things you want to change. You can simply find another job, you can simply say hello and be interested in what the groups at the volunteer places have to say. Just know that you really need a change in your life. Something positive. Maybe your first step is to join the gym and eat healthy and be physically active. Once you get the energy and see the weight loss you will really start feeling better about yourself, too you will meet people with the same interests.

I can't simply find another job. Its not like I can walk out the door and someone will hire me. I don't have a lot of skills, and I have some physical limitations too - such as the rhumatism. My fingers and hands are already beginning to twist out of shape and my knees and feet look deformed and are very painful. There is a lot of unemployment around too and I'm very lucky to have found a job that I can do and that pays above minimum wage. I have looked around for other jobs, but I can't force someone to hire me if they don't need me.

 

Join and gym and eat healthy - that is not a cure-all. That's not even an option. I eat as healthy as I can afford, I grow some vegetables in the summer, but mostly we eat potatoes and pastas as our mainstay because that's what we can afford. There is nothing in a gym that I can't do at home and I couldn't afford it anyway.

 

I hope that I didn't sound too harsh Sarah, I was trying to clarify my situation. You did try to give me some advice to help me and I honestly appreciate it. I wish it were as easy as to do as it is to write. I guess I will just continue as I have been. At least I'm not totally alone - there is someone there when I go home and I'm lucky to have a job in this economy and be able to do it. I guess friends are not that important. I have been able to communicate with some people here and maybe that's all I needed.

[MarieW]

This has to be said.

You have been given some good advice from the other posters and I can only agree with them. It's good advice but it's also obvious. You should KNOW what you have to do.

I sympathise with your situation but I think you are feeling sorry for yourself. Nothing is impossible.

No-one decent would shy away from an overweight person. You must have come across some very shallow people. I don't care what someone looks like, it's inside that counts. I'm willing to bet that you have so much more to offer inside yourself, let it out.

Don't let weight or apathy stop you from being the person you want to be. You say there is no physical attraction from you from your husband - if that's true, then diet, but do it for you not him. YES YOU CAN. See it as a huge challenge, you will feel so great when you lose weight and look it too. Okay so you don't eat much, but you aren't losing any weight either, you need to be more active. You have rheumatism which will be made worse by the extra weight but you're using that as an excuse. See your doctor about exercises you can do safely.

Everyone can lose weight.

You sound to me that you're stuck in a rut. It's never too late to change. I bet that if you lose the weight, your confidence will be amazing and you will be able to do all the things you want to do.

I have read your post a few times now and I don't mean to be harsh when I say "stop burying your head in the sand and feeling sorry for yourself." It's what you need to hear.

PLEASE do something for yourself, each little achievement will be worth so much.

Good Luck!

[EnigmaXOXO]

What you need is a little self-confidence. I know that this can be very difficult when in your situation. All the compliments and "chin up" speeches in the world won't make you feel better if you don't feel good about yourself.

 

I am assuming you have already seen a doctor about your condition. And contrary to popular belief, some people CAN NOT lose weight on their own, particularly when they have certain physical handicaps.

 

I have no choice but to believe you when you say that you are unable to exercise and that diets haven't worked. But more important than your self-image is the risk of heart disease and diabetes.

 

I do not want to encourage surgery, because it has risks of its own. But I was wondering if you have already spoken to your doctor about stomach bypass surgery? If you have diabetes, then the surgery may be covered by your health insurance plan rather than being considered "cosmetic."

 

I know a sweet dear lady who just had this done, her insurance covered the cost, and it has done wonders for her self-esteem. Like you, her weight could not be controlled by diets and exercise. Her kidneys are back to normal and her diabetes is finally in remission. And she's feeling GREAT!

[HokeyReligions]

I read your posts and I think I can understand some of your feelings. I’ve been shunned too and discriminated against (blatantly) because of my size. Not everyone is meant to be size 10 or under. I have some similar experiences with my husband, but a lot of our physical problems are his because of his health. I’ve tried diets and exercise – do you work out with the Sit and Be Fit lady on TV? I’m not very flexible anymore either & I also have arthritis in my joints, but I do the workouts with her. They are not big calorie burners, but they do help.

 

It’s so hard to get out among people when you’ve been shat on for so long. I remember a girl back in junior high school that probably weighed 400 pounds. She didn’t have any friends either and she was so embarrassed by her weight that she never spoke to anyone, or if she did she used as few words as possible and never looked anyone in the eye. I had her in gym & swimming class and I felt so sorry for her when she had to put on a bathing suit and swim with everyone. A lot of kids taunted her and it seemed to me like the teacher was unnecessarily rough with her, and with the other kids (me included) who were larger then most.

 

I used to be shy and embarrassed by my appearance, but I made myself do something and practice it constantly and that has made a difference. I look people in the eye. I make a point of complementing someone on something – a pin, a haircut, clothes, something—and I look them in the eye. When someone says something to me – even if I’m feeling intimidated or insecure I force myself to look them in the eye. That more than anything has helped people see me in the light in which I want to be seen & that is with respect. And the more other people show me respect – they more respect I have for myself.

 

I still go home sometimes and feel totally insecure about something that may have happened that day, or about my abilities to meet a new challenge at work, or whatever, but I NEVER show that to anyone but my closest family. Someone once told me “never let them see you sweat” and that really is good advice.

 

I understand about not wanting to be alone. Stay with your husband, but start working on your own self confidence. When you go shopping, look the clerks in the eye and smile! That’s all you have to do to start with. If you already do that, then throw in a complement or a comment about the day or a purchase or something. And keep looking them in the eye and keep smiling. Wish them a great day when you leave. Just do that. It doesn’t require physical activity that you can’t do, and it doesn’t matter what your size.

 

You may have done that in the past with your volunteer activities and it didn’t work in finding you friends – but this time you are just being polite and friendly and not looking for friends. Create an image of the person you want to be – not a physical image, but the kind of person you want to be. What are some specifics about that person? What one thing can you do or change or say or undo to match one specific trait of your ideal person. Write it down in a list if you have to. That one thing can make a big difference.

[quankanne]

good point, hokey, about a little bit of pleasantness and some eye contact going a long way.

 

I eat out for lunch from time to time, and for some reason cashiers and waiters/waitresses remember me. I don't tip big, I'm not a gripey eater, I really don't produce scintillating conversation or complain about service, I usually just have my nose in a book and suck down gallons of iced tea! But, for some reason, these folks make it a point to stop at my table and tell me that it's good seeing me in their restaurant or store again. Maybe it's just their policy, but when you get that kind of treatment time and again, it makes you wonder what you're doing right.

 

I think people pick up on friendly undertones when they're around others, just like they do hostility or defensiveness. Looking at your posts, you seem to project a defensive, defeated attitute about what you've been given in life, and frankly, that's depressing to be around.

 

Pollyanna had a good idea when she chose to find something good or a bright spot whenever she was in a less-than-favorable situation. Maybe that attitude is something you can borrow? I find it VERY hard to believe that as old as you are, no one's ever made friendly overture toward you; rather, i think you maybe missed your cue, and missed the chance for satisfactory interaction with people. Losing your defeatist attitude will go a long, long way in making you appealing to others.

[moimeme]

An awful lot of people spend their lives checking others out to see what the others think of them. Other people spend their lives wanting to learn about others. The last group make lots of friends, no matter what they look like. Basically, if you spend all your time obsessing about how you look, what others think about you, how unhappy you are, etc. etc., people don't get any feeling of welcome from you.

 

I am no beauty (Sela Ward was in line in front of me and got all the looks LOL) but I really enjoy people and they like me back. I rarely look at a mirror. I keep clean and put some lipstick on but I don't spend hours and hours on my appearance because I get a good reception from people anyway. People gravitate towards open, friendly people. People don't approach people who are serious or unhappy looking. I could probably spend hours finding flaws with me, too, but the fact is that every single person has different tastes. There are men who specifically want large women - REALLY large women, even. There are people who like hairy women and flat women and women of every shape and size. But if all someone does is think of themself, they won't be noticed by people who could appreciate them.

 

I'm not necessarily directing this specifically at you, it's just that you said a lot of things I've seen so often before.

 

If people could only forget about themselves for a while and focus on others, so many lives would change for the better. Ask them questions. Try to be nice to them. If they look sad, try to be friendly. THAT will earn you loads of friends.

[ANOTHER GUEST]

you say that you can not afford to eat healthy foods to help you lose weight? you have to see it as an investment in your health and not as an expense.

 

cutting calories is not the way to go either, by eating only one meal a day, and i don't believe in slim fast dieting either, just my opinion.

 

what i believe in and this works is eating healthy foods. the pasta and potatoes are a big no! no!

 

instead go for cottage cheese, lean meats, lean cheese's, whole grain breads, low fat milk, fresh fruits and veggies.

 

this is not hard, i know i have been there! i use to eat a 1500 calorie a day diet. yes i counted every single bite. you bite it your write it.

 

it is not an easy thing to get into but i honestly believe that i was the last person on earth who could do a diet of counting calories.

 

now i just sort of know how many are in a meal and i can watch without counting.

as for the arthritis. well if you lose weight, dont you think that would help with that?

 

i did not mean for that to sound mean or hurtful, just an honest question. can you start just by walking, walking around the block the time or two, building it up to more times and a faster clip as you get better.

 

what about seeing a nutritionist? where i live there is a vitamin cottage that offers the service of a free nutritionist, so does wild oats and other healt food stores.

 

i wish you all the luck in the world.

 

oh have you ever had your thyroid and hormones checked? that is a MUST!!!!

[JesusFreak]

Have you tried going to church...you know, God never turns down anyone, and will always be a friend to you. At church, you can learn how to pray and have a good relationship with God, and you can meet other people at church.

[aries]

I agree with most of the responses so far. It does sound like you are depressed, but if you have come here for advice it also sounds like you are willing to try new ideas and that you really want to make a change. Change is not easy though and it will take some effort on your part. I was wondering how much access you have to a computer? I think if you found a support group for overweight women or a chat room that is for overweight people, that you may find a lot of support there. You would be talking to people who can identify with what you are going through and you may find the encouragement there to accept who you are and it may help you realize that you are not alone. There are probably people who are in worse situations. If you can't find a site(I would be very suprised if you could'nt)start your own chat room. I have heard of so many people who make close friends by chatting on the internet. It is a great way to get to know people by what is inside not what is on the outside.

 

I truly hope the best for you and you deserve as much hapiness in your life as anybody else--sometimes you have to go out and find that hapiness for yourself.

 

Support Always,

Aries

[shaes52802]

HI,I just wanted to let you know there are several support groups online about many issues you discuss. From what I have read about you,you seem to have lost hope in everything(including your marriage). Have you ever heard that saying "you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you"? Your husband is only going to treat you the way you allow him to treat you,plain and simple(believe me I know this one first hand). I think you need to work on you before you decide what to do about your husband. I think your out look on life might be completly different if you would. I'm sure you have tried many things in your life(making friends,weight-loss,etc) but you cant give up now! If I could count how many times I have been knocked on my fanny or rejected by people I would be rich! But anyway my point in replying to this was to offer you some information and alternatives about some of the issues you mentioned.

 

Have you ever been to an A.A. or N.A. meeting? If not, it is a great place to meet people who will NOT judge you, period. They will except you for who you are and help you become who you want to be.Plus you will hear some stories that will make you realize your life isnt so bad after all(believe me) It doesnt matter that your NOT an addict, its about the way you live. It teaches you how to feel human again instead of like crap about yourself(been there, and know people in other states who have done the same),plus they meet every evening,it's FREE, and they are located just about everywhere.

 

I dont know if you have access to a swimming pool(YMCA,dont know where your located so the weather might not permit for outside swimming right now), but that is a very good exercise that YOU CAN do with artheritis. Most people feel akward at first(my mother in-law goes every week and she doesnt like being in a swimsuit but after the first day she realized she wasnt the only one out there who felt that way about herself plus she isnt very well off financially but she looked into and found ways to help herself and get help) And as someone posted before your health is a number 1 priority.

 

Have you ever heard of a green T diet(they sell the pills at walmart for $3.00 a box,wich will last you two weeks) Green T is really good for you,plus its ephedra free(heart problems an issue), it increases your energy and curbs your appetite.

 

As mentioned in another post not eating is actually bad if your trying to lose weight(slows metabolism,etc)., and pasta will only give you carbs and if your not very active it will actually cause you to gain weight. Food should be one of your #1 expenses(you said if you left your husband you would lose everything in your house) With your health problems cant you get some form of state help for food? I know some people are to proud for that,but sometimes you have to do what is best for you.

 

Well I just wanted to throw some more ideas your way. I hope you can look with in yourself and find that person you wish to be. If you would ever need someone just to chat with post back let me know

 

Good luck

[danadana]

I just wanted to tell you, there are a lot of big beautiful people out there.

Look, for example, at Camryn Manheim. Big, beautiful, successful actress! And there are lots more.

 

Look, you're only 50 years old. You could do a great many things. Start by trying to change the way you feel. Maybe the way you dress, maybe hair and makeup. Many large women are beautiful. And many seemingly ugly women can really be nice to look at if they try.

 

You don't have to be the prettiest to feel good. You just have to feel good.

 

As for friends, first of all, all the people replying to your post seem pretty friendly, right? We all care what happens to you, or we wouldn't be trying to help.

 

And my best suggestion for some social interaction and just for personal well being:

Go volunteer somewhere. Maybe just once in awhile. There must be something you're good at. Maybe you could volunteer at a senior center? Or maybe at a children's ward at a hospital if you're good with kids?

Do something that helps others. It will give you a sense of purpose. It will help you to stop feeling worthless. It will give you a chance to make friends.

And if you really try to give to the community, the people you are helping will appreciate it. They will see your kindness, they will appreciate you as a person.

 

I strongly recommend it, at least as a start.

Put your best foot forward, look your nicest, stop feeling like being fat makes you repulsive (think camryn manheim!), and go help somebody who needs help. I think it may be the start of a new you.

 

P.S. You should really consider subscribing to some magazines like Radiance and Fat!So? - they are great magazines for women of size who live healthy and happy. If you can't afford subscribing, maybe just buy one or two issues, or at least check out their websites. Also, I recommend Camryn Manheim's book "Wake Up I'm Fat". I loved it.

 

Good luck and do keep us posted!

[Libby]

Hi, I am in sort of the same situation that youre in! And God Bless you Darling...Ive been married to the same man since i was 16 years old.Now being a 22 year failing marriage.My mistakes were listening to him,And i never had friends because he is also a womanizer..2 of what i thought were my best friends became sex on the side for him.SO that being my fault so he said,I lost to them. He and i have always been FULL figured him having one of thsoe stomachs that hung over his belt, When i married him i weighed 120 lbs.And after having gestational daibetes i gained 90 lbs with my 1st borned,Never getting back down under 180..Now he has been sick lost alot of weight he is skiiny...Me i am disabled from a spine disc and nerve injuries,and have now gotten up to 250.He wont kiss me,never makes a pleasant remark.And is always making remarks.i cant do my housework good because of my legs back and such.He comes in looking for something to fight over.He has his friens at work,I have nothing,I sit here needing money,he wont give me anyhting,He locks wallet,checks credit cards,,in his truck.HEY isnt that abuse!Now ive been told of the last affair bringing in a baby..Welp, he has moved in with his mom. And wants to move in my daughters room,and put her with me in our room.I told him NO. I wont live like this anymore. Ive always been so good to him,And let me fill ya in on something.After i got hurt i strated feeling sick,couldnt walk short of breath.black toes ect.I got to where i was going unconcious.He acussed me of taking drugs.when id cry to him PLEASE take me to the hospital he laughed at me.And went to work,,My 15 year old called for help and saved me.HE WOULD HAVE LET ME DIE!The last trick,He beat me in my head for aout 15 good hits until i couldnt see.Again my 15 year old came out and called for help.Im on coumadin and for him to use both fists hitting at the same time on my temples NOT GOOD>.I have suffered damage from that now.HWO much does it take for a woman to walk off.POOT on all the stuff.Id rather eat out of paper plates anyway.Girl,its you the reason you dont make friends,You gotta feel good about you or you will never get better.Hold that head up.fix your hair.Buy a new top.Do things for you and stop believing your not as good.Its the inside that matters most! I learned it the hard way too.I thought because i was fat and disabled i was doomed.Ive has 2 encounters happen with nice men!But when i was married to him and listened to his words or no words,,i walked looking down.He took my spirit and soul away.I loved him and he loved everyone else.most importantly himself! SOO go to do something you like.Take a day for you.dont drop your head to outhers. say hello,it will bring you to a different feeling about you!

[Guest2]

I know somewhat how you feel. My Mother was a very large woman, over 500 lbs. and she had health problems and she also had polio as a child so she didn't get around very well. She didn't get out much and also didn't have many friends. She got very depressed at times and was put on medication for it.

 

I don't think a persons weight makes them ugly, in fact I don't think a persons apperance makes the person at all. I believe who the person is inside is what makes them ugly or beautiful. My Mother was BEAUTIFUL, she had every reason to be the most depressed person in the world, but she chose not to look at that way. She looked at all the good things. And she taught me that no matter how bad things are there is always something good also.

 

She was just one of those people that once you met them you never forgot them, and not because she was big, but because of who she was. She got pointed at in public, and laughed and made fun of, and although it made her feel bad, and it mad me very angry, she woould tell me not to worry about it, that they just weren't used to seeing people her size and didn't know how to react. She never got mad or held it against them. She was a very strong woman, a wonderful woman and mother. And although I am small, I could never be the person she was, but God knows I wish I could. My Mother passed away in year 2000. I think of her everyday, not just because she was my Mama and my best friend, but because she was the best person I have ever or will ever meet.

 

I think you are a beautiful person to, but you are very depressed. And that is stopping you from letting people see what a beautiful person you are. Don't bottle up who you are, look at the good things in life, and although they are hard to see sometimes they are there. And when people see the real you instead of what you feel like you should be, then they'll love you just as I did her. And if they let your weight stop them from getting to know the real you, then honey that's their loss not yours. Feel good to know that you don't look at people for their apperance but for their heart. I wish I new you, I would love to help you, I would be your friend, because I think you are probobly a wonderful person to.

 

Best of luck and God bless you.

[DacaInaru]

My dear... I want to get personal with you.. right now at this moment take a second to look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are worthy of love and of living a good life. Don't sell yourself short.. why do I say this to you becasue i lived it myself. all my life I have been a Big girl.. at 5'2 I weighed 260lbs and my self esteem was shot..

 

after battling illness and other issues I had no choice but to undergo weight loss surgery.. I had 2 failed marriages both to crazy abusive men.. and I really thought myself unworthy.. spent most of my life trying to fit into a society I didn't really fit into..

 

I'm now at 175lbs and guess what I've come to realize.. I am worthy of happiness and much more.. so what if nobody likes the way I look, speak, dress, etc... I am worthy of love, and joy... The surgery didn't help my self esteem I still felt like the ugliest person in the world.. and still struggle with that on a daily basis.. but... I have had to work on the way I look at myself..

 

please please.. take a good look at who you really are.. take a look deep within yourself and discover the diamond that lies within you..

 

you deserve happiness.. we all do.