Women, Can You Give Me some Guidance?

[dprelz]

I feel like I've finally turned into the man I always wanted to be. Because of the death of my father in the last year, I've completely had to take on new roles and responsobilities. It made me realize just how important he was, and his role was in our house. I took for granted way too many things he provided.

 

I now understand the importance of so many things that I didn't before. Things like waking up early, shaving & being clean, looking good, taking care of yourself physically & emotionally, , fixing things, changing that, etc. Life is just a cycle and you have to maintain.

 

The problem is pretty simple. I haven't completely moved on from my first love. I still think of her and still want to be with her. Our relationship was amazing, like a fairytale. We met at college, same program same class. Instantly, the first time I saw her I had a feeling I never had before. It was literally love at first site. The first 15 dates I brought her a dozen roses. Opened the door for her everywhere we went. I treated her like a princess.

 

At that time however I didn't realize how obvioulous I was to her needs. Although I was very honest, caring & loving, I was a selfish prick. So many times she tried talking to me, but I wasn't listening. She was whispering to me, and I couldn't hear her.. I didn't understand her..Period. No matter how hard I tried I really didn't understand what she was saying.

 

I wasn't taking care of myself. I slept in late. I was lazy. And although I was making twice her salary, she worked 5 times harder. I thought she was was a robot, a drone. I kept asking myself why she is working so hard.. Why can't we just stay together all day long? But i realize now i'm wrong... life is hard. I was supposed to show her I would always be there working hard to provide for her and take care of her.Instead I was playing video games and watching movies.

 

I'm sure after a while she started to resent how oblivous I was. soon after she just dropped me. I was absolutely without a doubt devasted. completely broken. it was literally the worst thing to ever happen to me. it took me months and months to just figure out I had to go no contact. I tried being her friend for a couple times, here and there, but I just couldn't. its been 2 years of NC.

 

so now I feel like I can pretty much provide a woman exactlly what she needs. I'm really sincere and honest. I will never cheat or lie. I have my own business, my own car and my own apt. I have a great body, I take care of myself the best I can, physically & emotionally. But everytime I'm getting intimate with a women, I picture her. she was so sexy to me. she's not the prettiest girl in the world, but to me she is. We just have the craziest chemistry between us.

 

I'm not naive anymore. I don't have the same energy i did when i was younger too. and I don't want to be with someone who I'm not totally into. It's not fair to them. I don't want to be dishonest in a relationship. thats just not who i am. i have to be completely over someone to start new and fresh. there are so many women out there, but that just makes it worse.. I just want her.

 

soo how can i get through this. I know it may seem so easy but its not for me. I know deep down she hasn't moved on either. she is just not that honest sometimes. like a year after we broke up she sent me a birthday present, rapped up with a letter. but she left it in my apt building so she wouldnt see me. she cant see me.. she says she cant face it. that she just runs from her problems and they will go away. she doesnt believe in fairytale love, but i guess I do..

 

It's just not the same meeting new women now.. Like how can you compare meeting at school to meeting at a bar or online or through a friend? there is just no comparision. we had everything in common, our jobs, personalites and interests. it just seems to pointless and redundant to try and move on. our relationship was great, our connection was amazing, i just needed more time to develop and mature. the timing was just off, but im ready now..

 

I am so close to being where I want to be, but at the same time so far away..

 

Thank you for replying. i appreciate it

[2sure]

Copy what you have written here and mail it to her. If she felt the same chemistry you did, she will respond positively to you. It may at least get you a foot in the door towards proving to her you have grown.

 

If she does not feel the same or feels the problems you stated, plus any others, preclude a relationship with you...then you have to leave it alone and move on.

[Ruby Slippers]

Copy what you have written here and mail it to her. If she felt the same chemistry you did, she will respond positively to you. It may at least get you a foot in the door towards proving to her you have grown.

I agree. You've got nothing to lose, right?

[dprelz]

It's too late to apologize.

[Ruby Slippers]

It's never too late.

[dprelz]

maybe that guy can give her what she wants. Not someone who loves her unconditionally and never tests her.

[dprelz]

If you could die from a broken heart, I'd be dead.

[dprelz]

I woke up in the early morning, my body must have been thinking of you

 

I put on my running shoes and sweater, I know now it is cold outside

 

The sky is pitch black, the November cold is unforgiving

As the heavy rain began to pour

I couldn't help to think that each drop is a memory of us

 

The roads are empty, everyone is sleeping

As the rain showers over

 

I feel a certain calm and peace here

Everything is dark, there is no color

 

I think about you.

 

Sadness turns into something out there,

An energy filled with sadness, rage, guilt.

 

I pump my legs as fast as they can go

 

I'm trying to beat the rain

 

My attempt to disrupt the universe is failing

I'm trying to get someone's attention, a great tragedy has happend!

 

Can't she smell my love with a touch?

Can't she feel my love with a stare?

Doesn't she know I carry her with me everywhere I go?

 

How can I say what's already said?

 

What could I do but love you from a distance.