I don't know what to do

[Kristen]

Somebody help me! I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and he has broken up with me 5 times in those 2 yrs. But he always comes back and apologizes. He has a very bad temper, and when he is angry he doesn't want anything to do with me and usually dumps me. He is my first love and I truly love him, but I am starting to think we're not meant to be. He is always so great when we get back together, but a week or 2 later he starts pulling away. He doesn't tell me he loves me unless I drag it outta him. Never wants to take me on dates anymore. Sometimes we go for weeks without sex, and lately he's even refusing to kiss me!But if I say anything he always says I'm too needy for attention, and the fact that he lets me stay at his house should show me he wants me around. But lately he's been making excuses for me not to come over. If I say anything about any of this we're going to break up for sure, and it will be the last time. Before I act I need some advice on what to do. Am I overreacting? Are alot of guys like this? Help me PLEASE!

[Nicky]

Somebody help me! I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and he has broken up with me 5 times in those 2 yrs. But he always comes back and apologizes. He has a very bad temper, and when he is angry he doesn't want anything to do with me and usually dumps me. He is my first love and I truly love him, but I am starting to think we're not meant to be. He is always so great when we get back together, but a week or 2 later he starts pulling away. He doesn't tell me he loves me unless I drag it outta him. Never wants to take me on dates anymore. Sometimes we go for weeks without sex, and lately he's even refusing to kiss me!But if I say anything he always says I'm too needy for attention, and the fact that he lets me stay at his house should show me he wants me around. But lately he's been making excuses for me not to come over. If I say anything about any of this we're going to break up for sure, and it will be the last time. Before I act I need some advice on what to do. Am I overreacting? Are alot of guys like this? Help me PLEASE!

hiya,

 

Sometimes love just isn't enough, and it sounds as though you have one or two issues to sort out.

 

Firstly, his temper. Nobody has any right to lash out at partners, if this is what he is doing. He is responsible for his temper. He either has an anger problem, which needs to be dealt with. Or he is deeply unhappy about elements of your relationship, explodes, and then ditches you.

 

Both are symptomatic of a problem, and need dealing with.

 

Secondly, it sounds like he cares for you, but not enough. He doesn't seem interested in intimacy with you, on any level. Now he doesn't even want to see you much. It doesn't sound like he cares enough about you or the relationship.

 

Sure we all go through phases where we are close sometimes, and others where we need a bit more space. We are human beings with emotions that change from day to day, so that isn't unnatural. But it sounds like it's more than that.

 

I think you both need to talk about how you feel for each other, what you both want, and what you think needs changing for the pair of you to be happy. Right now, it feels like you're clutching at straws.

 

Good luck!

[Marcella]

Kristen: I can't say for sure if "a lot" of guys are like this, but I can tell you there are plenty of guys who are NOT like this, and you deserve one. I am very concerned about several things you mentioned in your post, first, the fact he has broken up with you this many times in the past two years. Yes, perhaps this is how his temper reacts, but this is not an acceptable way to deal with anger, and YOU shouldn't have to deal with this. He has also learned that he can get away with this, since you have taken him back so many times.

 

I do believe he cares about you to some degree, as Nicky said, but I honestly have to say I doubt if he loves you. Or at least loves you to the degree you love him. When you love somebody, you want them to be happy, you want to show them you love them, you want to make sure their needs are met. He is really not doing this much at all, is he? The fact that he won't kiss you, that you go weeks without intimacy, he won't tell you he loves you, etc. You are NOT being needy; the desire to be held, touched, loved is a basic fundamental need that the majority of normal, healthy people have. Don't let him make you believe that you are abnormal.

 

Perhaps one last shot at discussing your relationship may be warranted, if it would give you more satifaction. I, personally, am doubtful that it will help. Things may be ok for a short-time until his temper returns. HE needs to receive help for that, and until he does, he will be hard-pressed to have a healthy relationship with anyone. As hard as it is, please believe that if this man is not the one for you, there are plenty of men for you to choose from who know how to control their tempers and know how to love and treat a woman. Best of luck to you.

Somebody help me! I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and he has broken up with me 5 times in those 2 yrs. But he always comes back and apologizes. He has a very bad temper, and when he is angry he doesn't want anything to do with me and usually dumps me. He is my first love and I truly love him, but I am starting to think we're not meant to be. He is always so great when we get back together, but a week or 2 later he starts pulling away. He doesn't tell me he loves me unless I drag it outta him. Never wants to take me on dates anymore. Sometimes we go for weeks without sex, and lately he's even refusing to kiss me!But if I say anything he always says I'm too needy for attention, and the fact that he lets me stay at his house should show me he wants me around. But lately he's been making excuses for me not to come over. If I say anything about any of this we're going to break up for sure, and it will be the last time. Before I act I need some advice on what to do. Am I overreacting? Are alot of guys like this? Help me PLEASE!

[Tony T]

I can tell you right off, this guy comes from a highly dysfunctional family where members and activities were manipulated by anger.

 

You list a number of compelling reasons why you should move on. The purpose of dating is to have fun and ultimately find a gratifying relationship. Unless you are from another planet, you know this isn't the way you want to live you life.

 

Be kind and gentle to yourself and don't spend this kind of serious time with such a person again. It is tragic that his family background and upbringing was so poor but that not your fault and don't make it your problem.

[Delissa]

Girl now you know you have to go! What is wrong with you? I have to ask you your age? Because that is a factor. You dont need to take that #####! He is just using you! You must be young? There are plenty of men out there looking for good women. You can find one. You must respect yourself, love yourself.

Somebody help me! I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and he has broken up with me 5 times in those 2 yrs. But he always comes back and apologizes. He has a very bad temper, and when he is angry he doesn't want anything to do with me and usually dumps me. He is my first love and I truly love him, but I am starting to think we're not meant to be. He is always so great when we get back together, but a week or 2 later he starts pulling away. He doesn't tell me he loves me unless I drag it outta him. Never wants to take me on dates anymore. Sometimes we go for weeks without sex, and lately he's even refusing to kiss me!But if I say anything he always says I'm too needy for attention, and the fact that he lets me stay at his house should show me he wants me around. But lately he's been making excuses for me not to come over. If I say anything about any of this we're going to break up for sure, and it will be the last time. Before I act I need some advice on what to do. Am I overreacting? Are alot of guys like this? Help me PLEASE!