"Love like you've never been hurt before"... but, how?

[sunshinegirl]

SSG, you must have read my mind, because this is the way I've been feeling regarding dating / relationships recently. Too crusty, jaded and cynical to want to bother with them.

 

Romantic love just seems too fragile, mutable, and unreliable to bother with. Why invest hours and hours growing attached to someone, trying to help and support someone, when they could just trash the relationship and screw you over in the end anyway? Or even if the relationship ends in a 'softer' way... it's disillusioning nonetheless.

 

Far more superior and reliable is the love of family and friends. At this point, it's easier for me to imagine growing old in the nursing home with a few old college buddies, than with a husband.

 

And failing other people, well I could invest my time in myself - the return on investing in myself is far greater than when investing in another fickle human being.

 

I've turned down a couple of prospects partly because dating doesn't seem worth the effort, and partly because guys set off warning signs that remind me (negatively) of my ex. One guy, for example, was quite flattering pre-date, and all I could think of was how my ex was similarly flattering at first, and how easily he fell out of love with me.

 

It's not a 'guys are jerks' thing; it's romantic love that I'm questioning.

 

If / when I get into another relationship, I know I'm going to be rolling my eyes at every word of affection.

 

Guy: "I love you, you're so awesome, I'm so lucky to be with you, blah blah"

Me: "Yeah, that's what you're saying today. Let's see what you say next year. If you're even here, which you probably won't be."

 

Yep...I can relate. It gets increasingly hard to trust someone's words of affection when one's life experience so far has been that the affection has dried up within two years.

 

Then again, I have basically constructed a nice defense mechanism against getting hurt again. Cynicism is basically fear and my walls are sky high right now.

 

In fact, my counselor is convinced that all of this jaded talk is rooted in my emotions, not logic, and that the day I meet a guy who really intrigues me, attracts me, interests me, all of this angsty stuff is going to *poof!* disappear.

[sunshinegirl]

SSG,

 

I want to say in total sincerity that it is very possible to love like you never have loved before.

 

So, you got hurt. Does that mean everyone you like is going to hurt you? No way. I think the key is to accept the fact that everything is temporary. That includes love. Even if you're with someone for 50 years, that time is temporary. Then you die.

 

So, trust people while you're alive. When it ends, appreciate the time you had. Don't be cynical. Don't close your heart from the rest of the world because of one unfortunate man.

 

Josh

 

Hi SSG, I agree completely with Kiz. We will all love again and I for one will not be afraid of getting hurt again. I won't play this game scared, so to speak. Life is too short to worry about things that haven't happened yet. When I meet that special someone, I am going to open up to them and give as much as I have. Am I worried about getting hurt again, hell no!!! I survived once, I can survive again if I have to.

 

Thanks, you guys, for the encouragement and support and example. I appreciate it.

[orangehose]

Why must a guy prove himself?

 

 

I was saying he shouldn't have to prove himself; he shouldn't have to pay for the sins of other dudes.