I dumped my boyfriend and I'm the only one who feels guilty.

[Anti]

Here is my story. I hope you enjoy.

 

I'm 23 he's 29 we were dating for 5yrs. Since day one I've never trusted him. I had "issues" that's what he calls them. I had to deal with a crazy stalking ex-girlfriend, him flirting with girls from work, school, anywhere. When I say flirting I don't mean the occasional cute little banter. Every time the phone rang he'd leave the room. There were emails that weren't dating someone else friendly. He would have messages left on his cell phone from girls, that I don’t think was appropriate. Girls would be leaving his house, as I would be coming up. That’s the kind of shady stuff at the beginning. All this time I’ve never even thought about cheating on him so it boggled me that he was so eager to sleep around.

 

Now I’m no angel. The reason I know about the emails and phone messages, is because I would check his email and phone messages. I’m a very jealous person. He didn’t know that I knew his passwords. If I never checked then I would’ve been completely oblivious about him. I stopped snooping in his business after the first year we were together. I’ve never caught him in the act, so he has that going for him.

 

Through the years we’ve had our share of ups and downs. We’ve lived together for about two years now. We weren’t together for the entire time. For 6 months we lived in California with 3 other roommates. Then we had to move back to Florida. I lived with my mom at that time. I had gone to California so we could start our lives together and it didn’t go well. We long distance dated for the other 6 months. Then we finally moved in together just him and me. I know I’m a jealous person and he was starting to act weird so I started up the checking his emails and phone messages again. And there they were from schoolgirls, old ex-girlfriends, and girls he met while we were separated for the 6 months. Well now I’ve found hard evidence. Sealed condoms that we don’t use, a woman’s belt, and old photos of girls inappropriately. His defense about all of that was it was old stuff from his past that he just hasn’t gotten a chance to throw out yet.

 

I had enough I told him that I didn’t want to be with him anymore. That I couldn’t take the wondering what he’s doing all the time he’s not with me. If he was cheating that was the reason we should end it for good. If he wasn’t cheating, then I’m tired of driving myself crazy. Either way I want to end it. I love him very much. We both don’t have anyone else for family in our area. We are each other’s family. Since we live together neither one of us can afford to live by ourselves. So I’m forced to stay living with him until I can afford to move out. He doesn’t seem to be affected by the fact that I don’t want to be with him anymore. I mean after 5years I figured maybe he’d put up sometime of fight to keep me. Again I’ve never caught him in the act and I really do love him. But I don’t want to drive myself to madness for him.

[NEONINK]

Trust your gut! And remember, guilt is a useless emotion. Flush the guilt, immediately, then get on with your life. Surround yourself with plenty of positive people.

[Anti]

Thank you for your reply. You are absolutely correct I need only postive people around me right now.

 

The weird thing is everyone always says trust your gut, but I can't distinguish between my gut, heart, and brain. They all feel like they are telling me three different type of feelings. You know what I mean?

 

Again though thank you for the positive words.

[NEONINK]

The gut:

Solar plexus, dense cluster of nerve cells and supporting tissue, located behind the stomach in the region of the celiac artery just below the diaphragm. It is also known as the celiac plexus. Rich in ganglia and interconnected neurons, the solar plexus is the largest autonomic nerve center in the abdominal cavity (see nervous system). Popularly, the term “solar plexus” may refer to the pit of the stomach. A blow to that area, if it penetrates to the true solar plexus, not only causes great pain but may also temporarily halt visceral functioning.

 

They say the head is above the heart for a reason. Listen to your head. But I think they are all connected to the solar plexus. If I've done wrong, I get that sick feeling in my stomach. So, I think the brain, heart and gut talk pretty much talk on a regular basis, and maintain the status quo with each other.

 

[Anti]

Yeah thanks for the Biology lesson. I get that sick feeling also. And I'm having that sick feeling now about me and him. I'm glad to hear that all of my organs are communicating with each other though.