Not loving a grandparent or grandparents...

[In the Light]

I watched "Lars and the Real Girl" with my girlfriend last night. I had seen the last 20 minutes or so quite a while ago when I was traveling for work and it brought me tears when I saw just that small part of it then and again last night when I saw the whole thing. I didn't really understand any of the characters or the plot of the movie the first time, so my emotions didn't make a lot of sense. I had heard about the movie and that the guy was an introvert and ordered a doll for a girlfriend, but I hadn't seen it from the beginning, so there wasn't any connection to the characters at the time. I discussed the movie with some of my friends that had seen it later and they did their best to fill in the blanks. Of course, it is nothing like seeing it, so watching it filled in a lot of holes.

 

The scene that first moved me was one in which a group of ladies are sitting at the house with Lars when Bianca is "sick". My eyes welled up with tears the first time I saw it and again last night. As I was talking through it with my girlfriend, I realized that it was a similar experience to one I had when my grandfather on my dad's side passed away suddenly. We were from a small town, so people came and just sat with us at my aunt's house. I was very young at the time, so I didn't understand the whole concept of why the people were there.

 

What I realized last night was that I never loved my grandfather. He had a stroke a few years before he died, so my most vivid memory was of him being "scary" to me. He was partially paralyzed on one side, his memory was fuzzy and his actions were unusual and incomprehensible to a child of 8 or 9. My dad would take myself and my brother over to his house quite often because we lived very close to them and those trips were pretty scary to me and I just wanted to leave and go home.

 

I feel horrible for having not loved him. I loved my grandmother on my dad's side, but not as much as I loved my grandparents on my mom's side. I had a hard time sleeping last night and kept thinking about it. I feel so guilty and wonder if I am a bad person for it. My girlfriend, who is an incredible woman, tried to console me and said it was because I didn't really know them, which is true. My other set of grandparents were much more involved in my life.

 

I guess I'm wondering if it is normal for people to love a set of grandparents less or favor one over the other. I had never thought about it before and now I'm very curious.

[quankanne]

I didn't know my mom's parents very well, because both had died by the time I was 7 or 8, but Dad's parents lived on a farm outside my hometown, so I saw them every weekend. And I just loved loved LOVED my tata (grandpa), mostly because he was patient with us kids the way my grandma wasn't. To be honest, she scared me and I thought she was mean, so I didn't really like her.

 

he died when I was in college, and she moved to town, where my parents and my one aunt kept an eye on her and the families helped her out. And I still didn't like her as much because she would say cruel things ... just because she could. I tried to be better about visiting and spending time with her because she was a little old lady, you know?

 

then Alzheimer's struck, and she did a 180 ... she became the most sweet, loving person to be around, enjoyed talking with people instead of stabbing the in the back, and she was fun to take on short trips. And I grew to love her very much.

 

I'm guessing that you were like me at that stage in childhood, where things were more black and white, and you responded accordingly. Had your grandpa lived longer, and you got to know him as an adult, I imagine the dynamic of your relationship would have changed, because you'd be seeing him through a very different set of eyes, you know?

 

as for loviing one set more than the other, just watching my sibs and their kids I've noticed that unless there's a strong family bond on the dad's side, most families with kids are closer to mom's side fo the family. And that's what is sounds like in your case ... not good, not bad, its just the way it turned out.