A few months have gone by... Still don't know where to go from here...

[Inflikted]

Eh... Yanno, this topic *probably* doesn't necessarily fit here; after all, there wasn't really a "break up" or a "relationship" to begin with, but I kinda thought the forum name was a bit more fitting for this topic than anything else. Anyway, I've probably posted my story on this issue somewhere on Loveshack before, but two or three months have passed since then, and I'm still clueless about where to go from here. I guess I should give this some back story, so you guys know what I'm talking about; I'll try really hard to keep it all as brief as I can, but I have a history of getting very very wordy with my posts. So, um... sorry.

 

I'm a guy, 19 years old (going on 20 in another couple of months), and all the way back when I was a little kid, I met a girl in grade school, and I fell for her. Yeah, it probably started as nothing more than an innocent crush, but I honestly believe that in the 6-8 years I knew her, I came to be in love with her. You can try to tell me that that's not true, but I've had enough little "crushes" on girls I've met in passing to really understand the difference between having a "crush" and really having feelings for some one.

 

Anyway, my problem was, I was always extremely shy around her, so she didn't knew. Er, well, until the last year of school, that is; my friends at the time started telling her that I had a crush on her, and because of that I grew even more distant to her (which, thinking back only made myself more obvious, I guess ). Oddly enough, though, she didn't seem unhappy about me liking her. Actually, this led to some cute little moments between us that year. Now, in my mind, there was no way she could've ever actually liked me back, and I'm not trying to imply that, heh.

 

After we "parted ways", I was really broken-hearted. I mean, I never even got to tell the one girl I cared about so much that I liked her, yanno? I mean, it wouldn't have went anywhere, being that we were only little kids, but still. High school came, and like I said, I had some little "crushes" on girls here and there, but I never really "got over" the girl from grade school, and I wanted something that felt on a similar level of what I felt for her, but I just wasn't finding that.

 

Cut to early this year... I was looking up info on possible colleges to attend for the current semester (I actually held off on college for a year because of some family/ money problems, but that's not really important to this story), and by dumb luck, I ran across an article about the girl from grade school. Through this, I was able to get in touch with her via MySpace, and she seemed surprisingly excited to hear from me, considering I was nothing more than some shy kid that liked her in grade school.

 

We wrote back and forth for a few months, and she didn't seem bothered by me writing to her; she seemed fairly chatty, actually. Having had the chance to look over her MySpace page a little (not in a "stalker" way, but in the way you would want to learn more about some one you haven't seen in a long time), and through the conversations we had on MySpace, I could feel my feelings bubbling back up... :/ Of course, I couldn't do anything for a few reasons; for one, she had a boyfriend of eight months, at the time, and secondly, despite her home city being not more than 15-20 minutes away from where I live, during the school year, she goes to a college that's 1.5-2 hours away from me...

 

Well, she came home for the summer, and I kinda hinted around at her and I seeing each other in person, and still, she didn't seem to mind. Of course, I was never too forward, because of her relationship. Then, about a month before she was to go back to school, she and her boyfriend split up. This put me in an awkward place; on one hand, I had really thought that, if her and I were to meet up in person, summer would be the best time to do it, since she's at home, and not 1.5-2 hours away. But on the other hand, she had JUST gotten out of an eight month relationship, and at best, I probably would've been just a "rebound" had I really tried anything that month. :/

 

A couple of weeks before she returned to school, though, I finally worked up the courage to ask her about meeting up in person, but she... kinda flaked out, and just never replied to that message. Stupidly, I sent another message a couple of weeks later just saying "hey, how you been? haven't heard from ya in a little while", and again, no response. I know for a fact she got both messages, and I know that that doesn't exactly look like a good sign for me, but I dunno... Like I said, I had hinted around at the idea before, and she wasn't scared off then... Why now?

 

So, she's been back at school for a good month-and-a-half, two months, now... I don't *think* she's seeing anyone new at the moment, but she doesn't seem to use MySpace very much anymore (she seems to have migrated to Facebook, which I don't currently have an account with), so... Sometimes I kinda wonder if maybe she doesn't use MySpace a lot anymore BECAUSE of me, but I try to comfort myself with the fact that even when I first started writing to her, she seemed to be in the progress of switching over. Who knows, though, huh?

 

Sorry for that mouthful of backstory... Here's my problem. I know that I can't necessarily say that I'm still in love with her (being that I haven't actually seen her in years), but my old feelings for her have just been bubbling up all year since I got back in touch with her, and I just think that if I could see her in person again, I could figure out once and for all how to either get over her if she's not the kind of girl I want to be with, or to actually attempt a relationship with her if she is the kind of girl I want to be with. A big part of me feels that I won't successfully be able to do anything with these feelings I have left over if I don't get to see her in person at least one more time.

 

But now that I've created this awkward situation, I don't know how to move forward with her. I haven't written to her since those last couple of messages, and I just don't know how to get back on good terms with her, yanno? What do you think? Can I still fix this, or am I doomed to just having to repress these feelings as best I can for the rest of my life? And how in the hell can I even set this in motion, considering she's at school most of the time during the school year?

 

Well, thanks for taking the time to read my post, and an even bigger thanks to those who can offer some kind of constructive advice. I should note, there are some other problems that could hurt my chances of getting something to really take off with this girl; I was going to write about them, but this post is already as long as it is, I didn't want to extend it any further. Besides, I guess in hindsight, they're not THAT important at the moment; we can probably cross that bridge when we come to it.

[UnamedSeven]

Alright well, i have a few solutions to your problems.

 

1) She just broke up with her boyfriend of 8 months. She could be the person who doesn't get over people very easily. Especially if she is still attached to him. She may have had to try and distance herself from everyone (including you) so that she can get better

 

2)As hard as it is, you may just have to wait. When the Holidays roll by, send her a message via Facebook or myspace and just say "Hey Merry Christmas" or something. It would be just a little cheerful thing to say. Seeing as, people tell each other that all the time. It could spark her to write back about the time she hasn't contacted you. It could also start a plethora of "small talk" about the Holidays. This would at least show that she doesn't mind talking to you again.

 

To be honest, seeing as you haven't been talking to her for years it would be very rude of her to not reply to those messages. So, it there could be an "outside force" thats preventing her from writing back to you (via Myspace or Facebook). Eventually, she's bound to apologize for not speaking to you in so long. Please tell me the "other problems" that may have hurt your chances with her so that i can help out a little more :)

[Inflikted]

Alright well, i have a few solutions to your problems.

 

1) She just broke up with her boyfriend of 8 months. She could be the person who doesn't get over people very easily. Especially if she is still attached to him. She may have had to try and distance herself from everyone (including you) so that she can get better

 

2)As hard as it is, you may just have to wait. When the Holidays roll by, send her a message via Facebook or myspace and just say "Hey Merry Christmas" or something. It would be just a little cheerful thing to say. Seeing as, people tell each other that all the time. It could spark her to write back about the time she hasn't contacted you. It could also start a plethora of "small talk" about the Holidays. This would at least show that she doesn't mind talking to you again.

 

To be honest, seeing as you haven't been talking to her for years it would be very rude of her to not reply to those messages. So, it there could be an "outside force" thats preventing her from writing back to you (via Myspace or Facebook). Eventually, she's bound to apologize for not speaking to you in so long.

 

Hm. Thanks, I'll definitely keep all that in mind. (b'-')b

 

Please tell me the "other problems" that may have hurt your chances with her so that i can help out a little more :)

 

Heh, well... Like I said, it's kinda silly and petty, and it's also somewhat rhetorical (as in, it'll only apply if I DO want to be with her; but I guess it's why it's a concern for me in the first place, because what if I do want to be with her, yanno?), but uh... Well, let me put it this way. Physically, I don't think I'm generally the kind of guy she's into. I don't necessarily think I'm "ugly" or "bad looking" by any means, it's just that I've seen pics of her ex from college (and also some pics of some one who I assume was a high school boyfriend), and it's kind of intimidating. :/

 

The biggest issue is probably my height. I'm a short guy in general (5'2", maybe 5'3"); this girl, along with most other girls, it seems, is about 3-4 inches taller than me (if I can believe what she has listed as her height on MySpace, anyway). Dating a taller girl is no problem by me, but to most girls, it seems dating a shorter guy is a big no-no. Her college ex, and the other guy I think she was with in high school both appeared to be six footers...

 

It also doesn't help matters much that her college ex was a big muscular athletic football player jock-looking type. Again, it's not that I'm in poor shape, but I'm nowhere NEAR having that kind of athletic build. It does help, a little, though, that the guy from high school was pretty lanky (and even a little dorky-looking), so maybe that won't be such a big deal.

 

So, it's really my height that's bugging me the most. It's just sad, because if I WERE to find that I did want to be with her, it feels like my height has already pulled me out of the race. I'd just hate to end up getting rejected for such a petty reason, yanno?

[Inflikted]

To be honest, seeing as you haven't been talking to her for years it would be very rude of her to not reply to those messages. So, it there could be an "outside force" thats preventing her from writing back to you (via Myspace or Facebook). Eventually, she's bound to apologize for not speaking to you in so long.

 

Er... After re-reading what you said here, I'm not sure if I was clear about something in my last post. See, it's only been a couple of months since I sent those last two messages to her. All of this happened this year; I *think* it was about February or March that I first found her page. Of course, I waited a while before sending my first message to her, because I wasn't sure what to say, so probably more like March or April is when we started writing. It's the "seeing her in person" that I haven't done in years.

[UnamedSeven]

Oh ok thanks for clearing that up. For your first response, life is all about taking risks. Especially when it comes to relationships. Your going to have to take a big step and make a move. As of my common knowledge, she probably will not advance too much into this relationship unless if she honestly feels its right to do so. Don't let your physical appearance prevent everything. I know its a key factor to a girl about how a guy looks, but thats just shallow. Unless she is the type of girl who is shallow, then she would be more interested in "the real you" rather than looks.