How to change the status?

[spigweed]

Ok, well this is a bit messy and long, but I hope I'm not gonna make anyone mad or so. I just need some help. I feel like an emotional wrack.

 

I'm married and been married for 9 years. I wasn't that young when I got married but in my early 20s. I even have a child. When we met with my husband I felt like in heaven but we didn't dated too long before we got married. Actually we dated only 9 months. Before him, I had three other relationships that exceed the 9 months. One was even 4 years. Anyway, I used to be a pretty girl when we met but something happened during my pregnancy and I gained serious amount of weight..needless to say I gained about 80 to 90 pounds. I looked as if you would see me in doubles... So after 8 years I finally lost all the weight and I look good now..even better than before. So during the last 8 years I got used to having little or maybe no sex. My husband was always drunk and high but he knew I'm not going to leave him because I got nowhere or to no one else to go..I was expecting a change once I lost all the weight but not to this point and like this..I'm a lot more confident and I care how I dress etc. People actually admire me now. Those that know me from before can't stop complimenting me.

 

Well to move on to my actual story..I changed but my husband didn't. He is still not satisfying my sexual needs and I feel like I'm on fire. I like agressive lover that will show me that he wants me bad. I try to ask him to do few things that we haven't done before and he freaked out.

 

I actually met someone during the Summer to whom I'm enormously sexually attracted but I would never leave my husband for this person because this person is emotionally detached and unstable, he would totally mess me up, and on tp of it I can't do that to my son. Divorce is against my believes.

 

Anyway the attraction between me and the other guy was amazing. I thought we are gonna eat each other with eyes. So I thought for a while and I contacted him once I got back home. We were on a conference together and we work for the same firm.

 

I think he was weired out that I found him by e-mail and got in touch with him. He acted as if he wanted to see me then he backed out at last minute than he wanted to see me. So we went out. After we chatted for a while we started heading back. I thought he doesn't like my looks or else even though we had a good chat but as soon as we got in his car, he asked me if I had a good time. I said yes not thinking about it or whatever and he started kissing me. Honestly, it caught me by surprise. He kept on kissing me and carressing me for hours. So being a man, he tried to see if he can get some. I shut him down even though I wanted really bad. He didn't even get to second base. He kept on asking me why but for some reson guilt fell over me and I also can't stop thinking if he has any STDs from the way he acted that he wanted to sleep with me as soon as he saw me again. I thought does he do this every night? So I freaked out. I also acted as if I wanted a relationship. I don't know why I did that. Probably because I've never been a one night stand girl or in a FWB relationship but honestly FWB relationship is what I wanted with him since he lives in different cities.

 

I think he has what it takes to satisfy me sexually;he was like an animal. I couldn't stop him. Oh god. however, I think that he thinks I want a relationship. I never told him I'm married even though he asked and asked me some other questions to confirm that.He asked me if I have a boyfriend and I said no. Basically I gave him every reason to believe I want a relationship. So when the night was over he said he'll send me an e-mail and the only thing I got from him is if I made it home safe. We exchanged few e-mails and I said to him I miss you in the last one because I wanted to test him and see what he'll do. Ha! I never heard back from him. So the question is how do I go about changing the situation and telling him/showing him that what I really want is sex not relationship? I'm really puzzled in how to do this. I've always been tough to get and people thought I'm even emotionally detached and even cruel but this time I want to experience something new and unusual and for the first time I want to do something I've never done before. Honestly, I don't care what this guy thinks of me as a person. I don't give a f**k. I can't stop thinking of him sexually. I don't even know why he talked to me at all before when also all he wanted was sex. If you ask me that's just a waste of time. I just don't know how to do this FWB thing. Any advise? Should I contact him or do you think i'll freak him out? What do I do?

[shockabsorber]

I'm sorry to hear that your sex life with your husband isnt going well. As with the general trend in this forum, I would like to advise maybe going to a therapist or doing something fun to spice up your sex life. Also, you could try showing your husband that other guys find you attractive and this can get him to want you. Maybe when you go out with him, you could make it a point to talk to guys that are checking you out so that your husband gets the message. Who said jealousy cannot be used to save a marriage? It can sometimes be a powerful aphrodisiac!

I dont want to advise you on how to deal with the other guy and cause you to fall into the same trap that I fell into. Sooner or later one of the people involved in a fling tend to develop feelings and that can give rise to a whole bunch of new problems!